counting flowers on the wall

12.16.2008

Writing prompt: "A Season of Giving."

I work with a bunch of rabid Republicans. I wish I was kidding about that, but I really do...and as much as I hate to admit it, other than that major character flaw (in my eyes, that is), they really are a great group of guys who believe in what they work on. That said, very few of them know that I am what they would refer to as a bleeding heart liberal. But see, here's the catch: I've worked in jobs and lived my life in such a way that I have walked the walk of my vote. I didn't vote for Obama because he is a Democrat or because it was fashionable...I voted for him because this country desperately needs to make some changes and if we've seen anything the last eight years, it is that the GOP are very resistant to change.

I worked for a while in a sketchy school that taught mostly unemployed and partially homeless students how to use computers. We taught them how to type, how to use Micro$oft 0ffice, and even more, we taught them how to speak and dress for interviews. It was always a huge rush to have a student come back, dressed decently, telling you that they had gotten a job!

After that I worked in a homeless shelter that housed quite a few recovering meth and drug addicts. Meth is a horrible drug and if there were one drug I wish I could erase off the face of the earth with the swoop of my hand, that would be it. To see how it ripped apart families, and to watch them going through all the steps to not only stay clean but to work to get their families back together in some kind of cohesive manner was an inspiration to me. There I was feeling sorry for myself that my husband was away in Iraq...and these women were fighting a daily battle with themselves just to keep their lives together.

At church, John and I routinely write checks for extra Thanksgiving meals at the local downtown shelter or a toy drive for Toys for Tots. We don't do it to crow about it, we do it because we can...and because we should. We all should. It isn't being a socialistic society to take care of your brother. We are all our bother's keepers...and quite frankly, some of us have been doing a pretty poor job. I don't want to take away all your expensive toys and give them to the poor. I don't want to take all your tax dollars and give them to someone who hasn't held a job in years. I just want you to go and do something good this holiday.

Go to the mall and find a giving tree and go buy presents for a kid. Buy presents for a few kids. Hell, buy presents for a whole family if you can! If Toys for Tots is holding a toy or bike drive, please consider donating, especially this year. Go to your local shelter and ask them what they need the most. Sometimes it is simple home set-up gear like cheap dishes, glassware, pots and pans, etc. Sometimes it will be clothing or toys for the kids in the programs. Sometimes they'll be honest with you and tell you that they just need money, and that's OK too. Many programs assist the elderly with utility or rent payments to keep them housed and warm. They are able to do that based on small grants and donations. Your few dollars could mean the difference in someone being in the dark and cold for the holidays, or having lights and heat.

As you sit at your computer (or however it is you are reading this), realize that just by being able to do that, you are luckier than quite a bit of the population. Can't you give up a few lattes for someone else? If you can't afford that, consider donating your time, as it will cost you next to nothing, especially with gas prices so low now!

It is the season of giving...and we all need to give just a little bit more.

12.15.2008

Today began our "Eight Days of Grazing" at work. No rhyme or reason as to what is brought in each day. No sign-up lists. No requests for specific foods. I figured it will either be feast or famine each day! Today was a mix of various chips with dip, a bunch of cookies, and some ham/cream cheese pinwheels. Not bad for a Monday! Tonight I am making some puff pastry cookie-like things using sugar-free jams and jellies so that the diabetics in my group can enjoy some goodies. The last half hour of my day was spent sitting around with my boss and another engineer talking about our weird cats. Can I just say again that I love my job?

We are officially DONE with shopping for everyone else outside of our little family! We got the gifts for the youngest of the kids, which were the last ones needed. We had another marathon wrapping session (where, not surprisingly, I did ALL the wrapping!) and WC helped by decorating presents with ribbons and bows. I'm sure the cats will have eaten or shredded them by this weekend.

I'm off in a few minutes to go pay tuition and fees for WC's second semester of college. She's taking four real classes this time (I do NOT count the "Welcome to College" orientation class as real!) and is actually looking forward to them all. Even the math class...which really makes one wonder if she is REALLY my child. She took her finals this morning in her English classes, so she doesn't have class on Wednesday. Her math final is this Saturday morning, after which she'll meet us at her grandparent's house for Christmas with the family. It is still a little strange to have her not going places with us, meeting us places after she does whatever it is she has to do. She has moments when she seems so incredibly grown up...and other times when I wonder how it is she's managed to hold a job for more than one day.

12.14.2008

Obviously I am no good at remembering I even have a website, let alone the fact that I should be writing every single day!

John is outside replacing yet another window regulator for WC's electric windows in her car. The 98 Jettas with electric windows are notorious for the regulators breaking on a fairly regular basis...then add to that the beating of use by a teenager...and well hers don't last for squat. John's gotten pretty good at either bracing the window up with a piece of wood inside the door panel (something she hates...but oh well, it is free!) or taking the door panel off and resetting the window in the guides. Tempting to go find her doors with hand-crank windows!!

We have spent most of the weekend so far either out buying presents, wrapping presents, talking about what presents we still need to buy, or installing a new bath vanity and sink in WC's bathroom. Because really, isn't that what most people do during the holidays? Decide that the old sink that works perfectly fine finally needs to be replaced with something that we actually like? Actually, John got the whole job done with fairly quickly, though it isn't attached to the wall yet. He needs to get another U-joint for the drain since the old one is fairly beat up, but other than that and drilling holes in the wall, it looks a thousand times better!

Today is going to be church, more shopping, come home and finishing making a gift so that I can wrap it and get it in the mail, dinner at church, and then some movie-watching time!

12.11.2008

I'm not doing so well with the whole "write every day" thing, am I?

I do have an excuse though...I'm still recovering from a horrible cold and bronchitis and laryngitis! I do believe that I was fast asleep yesterday evening by 6pm...which didn't leave much time for writing, ya know?

Today was all about obsessively checking the weather websites and trying to determine exactly WHEN it is supposed to freeze and start snowing. So far it is just rain...but snow is still forecast!

This will be short and sweet, as I will have a child to kill upon her return home. I don't think it is too much to ask for the normal chores to be done, yet nothing was done and she's gone to hang out with friends after work. So now I will go do her chores and charge her $5!!

12.09.2008

Writing prompt: Your most vivid memory from last year's holiday season.

Last year I was sitting in Taji, Iraq. I was extremely lucky in that one of my best friends who was also in Iraq was able to fly to Taji on Christmas Eve and visit with me. I remember finding out that she was going to be able to come visit and set about trying to make a stocking from Santa for her. Finding a stocking was easy, as quite a few had been donated to us and there were quite a few empty ones sitting in a box...but what do you put in a stocking for someone who is deployed when you are deployed yourself?

I found the "goody box" that everyone put all the candy and like that had been sent to them. I found all the chocolate that I could and put that in there. I found some small hand sanitizer containers that fit in your pocket like a pen...and put those in there. There were a few little bags of nuts, some toothpaste and a new toothbrush as well. I filled the stocking to the brim and hid it in my wall locker until that night.

Since we didn't have any extra rooms in our building, she spent the night on a mattress on the floor of my room. I woke up very early so that I could go down to my office and call John and WildChild on what would be Christmas Eve for them. I pulled the stocking out of the locker and propped it up at the foot of the mattress and made my way downstairs to use the phone and open my presents.

Now, I had been a VERY good girl, and when John and WildChild requested that I not open the large box of presents that they had mailed, I asked my boss to put it in his office and I would retrieve it when I was on the phone with them. That way it was sitting there in my office, staring me down willing it to come open the presents!

I got John and WildChild on the phone on what had to be one of the worst connections we would have the entire time I was there. I opened my presents one by one while they were on the phone, and they opened theirs as well. We won't talk about the tears or anything, OK?

I made my way upstairs and was going to go back to sleep. I opened the door and there sat my friend on the mattress, going through her stocking like a gleeful child. Her smile was the best part of the day!

I'm sure that the dining hall had a fine meal...but we didn't feel like standing in line for an hour to eat...so we went to Pizza Hut and I ordered a pepperoni pizza with green peppers...ya know, Christmas colors! My Christmas pizza was a delight..and I got a wonderful nap in that afternoon.

12.08.2008

Well hello there! I know, almost a year is a little bit of a break, but hey, I was really busy until May, OK?

We should catch up, shouldn't we?

Since I last wrote about the snow in Taji, I completed my six month tour in Iraq. I wish I had more words to describe the experience, but for now it will just have to do with "It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life!" I will have to do a recap of what a typical day was like while I was living there.

After I got home in May, John and I took a little trip to Las Vegas for a long weekend. We stayed at the Treasure Island hotel and it was OK. We'd never stayed down toward that end of the strip, so it was nice to be able to walk to various casinos and hotels that normally we would have taken a cab to. Didn't win a million dollars but we did return with our entire bankroll, so I consider that a win!

We've made a few trips down to New Orleans to visit family, friends...and to eat! I took John to Emeril's flagship restaurant, which was actually a mediocre meal. I also took him to Restaurant August where we had one of the most memorable and awesome dinners of our life. We hit up Willie Mae's Scotch House on another trip, and honestly, I don't think I've ever had such wonderful fried chicken!

In July I got a new job and while I still work for the Army, I no longer work for the Corps of Engineers. It was way past time for me to move on, and I am still counting my lucky stars that I landed in the job that I did. I got a nice hefty raise, I work with a group of great people, and I'm learning new things all the time. I have a lot more responsibilities, and I am a thousand times happier than I was when I returned from Iraq.

John is officially a college graduate, and the WildChild is officially a high school graduate, now in her first year of classes in college. I still can't believe that I have a child in college!!

I will write more about Iraq, the job, the trips, etc., during his month. I signed up to write in Holidailies...and then promptly forgot that it started last Friday! I shall endeavor to write each day, no matter how mundane the day was!

1.11.2008

At 7:25am this morning, it is snowing in Taji, Iraq.

I just thought you all would want to know! Yes, there will be pictures up in the gallery soon...I just have to wait for them to upload one at a time. It is a painfully slow procedure, but everyone complains when I don't put pictures up!

We were without internet, phones, network, printers, scanners....almost everything for almost a week. It was horrible! Thankfully we finally got connectivity back after the IT crew working overnight a few nights. Of course, we're still trying to get everything else to work...like the scanner, so I can email documents out.

Then there are mornings when you wake up, go use the bathroom, and discover that there is no water on your side of the building. THAT is always a pleasant surprise, let me tell ya! Or the mornings you wake up and discover that the proverbial 'someone' has flipped off the switches to the hot water heaters and you have no hot water to shower with. That is always a nice surprise as you stand there naked.

I need to get back to running back and forth to the printer/scanner every time someone from IT emails me. Just wanted to post a quick update. Hope all is well and that everyone is staying warm and dry!

01.03.2008

Happy New Year everyone! I would like all three or four of you reading to know that I'm alive and well, a little sleep deprived, but fine nonetheless. Of course, the sleep thing is probably because I'm still experimenting on how to not only keep my mattress from leaning to one side, but to also keep it from immediately forming a bowl shape when I lay down. Do you know how hard it is to sleep on your stomach in a bowl? Through creative use of pillows and folded sheet sets, along with the stolen extra mattress, I think I have a workable bed situation worked out. For the record, though...two bad mattresses do not, in fact, make one good bed!

Anyway, the holidays were both very nice and very sucky. I had a very nice time since my friend A got to come visit. It was great having someone here who knows me well enough to make me laugh at myself and most everything around me. I really needed that! Sucky because I had Christmas on the phone with my family, missing them horribly. I was a good girl and didn't open my presents until then...and I made out like a bandit! Lots of toys, some plain gold earrings, a nice St Christopher medal, more toys, some chocolate, books, more toys, a giant coloring book, cars from Cars, and finally, more toys.

Thank you to anyone and everyone who sent presents and well wishes! The wish lists are still there (Dec 3rd entry, if you are curious), and I am continually adding/removing things from the Amazon list. I just ordered myself some more workout clothes so that I can go to the gym more often. I should have ordered some warmer clothes, as it is absolutely freezing this week and it is going to get colder next week!

Specifically to everyone who has sent me books...I wanted you to know that I am passing them along as I am finished reading them. I think it is good book karma to keep them circulating rather than languishing in my little room. To the random anon people who sent books from my wishlist, thank you a million times over! Your generosity is awesome!

So...yeah, still here at Camp Cooke. Things are still nice and quiet, just like I like them to be (knocks on wooden desk). We work every day, though Fridays are our "short" day, which usually just means we're working for free that afternoon. I might start sleeping in a bit on Fridays just to take advantage of not having to be here at any specific time.

I've only travelled to the Green Zone since I've gotten here. It was very nice to spend New Years there with people I know. The container I got placed in was awesome, as it had it's own bathroom and shower In. The. Room! Oh what luxury! There is also an espresso shop just across the street, which was a most welcome sight. We got to go eat at the Palace before we came back to Taji, which was awesome...they have sandwich presses!! It was just nice having a change of the usual dfac food. It gets old after a few weeks...steaks which may or may not be cooked within an inch of their lives, fish that is so heavily breaded that you aren't sure what it is, breaded...well, everything is breaded I think, except the steaks, lobster tails, and ribs. Dont' be too impressed...have you ever tried to eat a t-bone steak that's cooked to Very Well Done with a plastic fork and plastic knife? Or eat crab legs with no claw crackers? At least I didn't pull out a leatherman like the men...I broke mine open and poked the meat out with the blunt end of the plastic knife. I rule! :)

I'm going to be uploading some pictures today, so please be patient with me in case it starts to take forever. We are on, I'm convinced, the slowest internet in the world! Hope you all are well. If you would like to drop a card or something in the mail, let me know and I'll shoot you my address. Mail Call is the best time of the day, just sayin' :)

12.03.2007

Just a quick entry to let you all know that I am not dead or anything. Most webpages that I'd like to visit are blocked...so there's that. I can't post to livejournal...blocked. Perhaps I can get there from the MWR building, not sure.

I desperately need a hair cut. I'm already getting bored with the dining facility, though I can't complain about the food at all. I should have packed some clothes to go to the gym, that's for sure. Hopefully the box from John and Crash will get here soon and I'll have clothes to go work out in.

If you want to get me something for the holidays, I have an amazon wishlist here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/registry.html?ie=UTF8&type=wishlist&id=HTZX8P0A0SYU

I also have one on thinkgeek.com, or here:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/brain/gimme.cgi?wid=81d625b19

Yes, I'm too lazy to figure out the code to link it...so just do a cut and paste and it'll be fine! I will update the shipping address on think geek just to make sure it comes to Iraq rather than Alabama.

If you want to send me a card (and I would love some!), shoot me an email at michelle dot bannnister at gmail dot com. I know there is an email link over there...but honestly, I don't check it very often.

OK, back to work for me...you all have a great day and I hope to hear from you soon!

Going, going...

OK. I've been on a bunch of motorcycle trips, gotten a pedicure, mailed off eight boxes of stuff, had quite a lot of sex, pickled my liver....

Guess it is time to go to Iraq tomorrow!

See ya on the flip side! I'll post pictures when I can!

07.25.2007

OK....so I've been horrible about writing. Let's see what has been going on...

I came home from New Orleans in early May. It was lovely being home again and playing around with the garden. I flew up to Seattle to visit with M1 and her girls. Had a great time, as usual. I still can't believe her youngest is so big now!

In early June John and I went to Vegas for a long weekend. Had a lovely time and went to see Love at the Mirage. Amazing show...though I might have remembered more of it had I not had the killer drink just to get the cute plastic cup! Didn't come home big winners this time but all in all, good times!

Later in June I flew up to Columbus to visit with my girlfriend Kim and go to her Mom's birthday party. After her mom was so sick over the holidays, it was awesome seeing her so healthy and strong now. Did a little bit of shopping and just sort of hung out for the weekend.

That brings us to July I suppose. I'm getting ready to go back to New Orleans for another two months....then (and this would be the "newsy" part of the entry) I'm finally going to go to Iraq for six months. My name came up on the list and they offered me a position. After a lot of talking with John, I think he begrudgingly understands my wanting to go. It has caused a few waves at work, but nothing I can't handle while I'm gone. Everyone has been very supportive about my being gone again, and at least while I'm in New Orleans I'll still be taking care of them remotely. When I leave for Iraq, I won't be able to do that.

So that is life in a nutshell right now. We redid the ceiling in the living room and now it is beautiful and smooth. We also painted the walls and added an accent color around the fireplace. It is finally starting to look like we actually live here now! We're going to refi the house next month, hence my deploying to make some extra cash in case we need it.

Hope everyone is doing well. There are some new pictures up in the gallery, even if I didn't notify y'all!

Home...still not dead

Just a quick note to say that there are new pics in the gallery. I'll try and write some more soon. We're off to pick up a new dining set and I'll try and remember to take some pics and upload them later.

still not dead...

I honestly would swear to you that it has been a week, tops, since I'd last posted. However, I see from the date that I'm completely wrong, as usual.

I have one week left here. Today I am volunteering at Jazz Fest and, in exchange, get free entry. I am going early to shop and eat before my 2-6pm shift selling beer, soft drinks, and water. After my shift I shall wander between Bonnie Raitt and Jill Scott, trying to catch a bit of both concerts.

My last weekend here is also the second weekend of Jazz Fest. My going away present to myself was a VIP pass for the whole weekend. Pricey but worth it to me. John Mayer, Harry Connick, Jr., Eric Lindell (and if you don't know who that is, google him and listen to the music!), Joss Stone, Steely Dan...and so many others. I like to think of it as a 3-day going away party for me!

I'm ready to go home. I miss my family and my house. I miss feeling like I have any sort of a life. I'm ready to just take it easy for a while, go riding on the bike with John, spend some time with Crash...just relax and enjoy the summer. I can't wait for all my travel plans to take place. I'm looking forward to seeing M1, Kim, Tammy, and everyone else I'm going to see over the next month and a half. And Vegas....we can't forget about our trip to Vegas!

Have a wonderful last week of April/first week of May. I'm going to be spending a lot of time this week sampling some of the places I'm going to miss having around to get a bite to eat. I'm sure I'll be back to visit before the end of the summer!

Not dead...just working

I'm sorry. I know I said I would post a picture yet I never did. I can see on the calendar that a month has gone by yet you'd have a hard time convincing my brain of that fact.

To recap March:

I did go home for a long weekend. I stopped off in Birmingham along the way to visit my doctor for the one year check up after surgery. I'm doing great, though I could have lost a bit more weight. I've been slacking where that is concerned, not eating just protein first, etc. The vampires in the blood lab took 15 vials of blood for the work-up. I really wish I was kidding about that number. All in all, nobody has called to tell me I'm going to drop dead any minute, so I'm going to assume that my bloodwork is all good to go, or can at least wait three months to give me the mediocre news.

John and I had a wonderful weekend while I was home. We went for a few bike rides, my first on his new bike! I also got my first leather jacket. I feel like quite the badass when I wear it. I love being on the bike...now I just need to find myself a pink helmet!

The rest of the month seems to have flown by. Went out a few times with a bunch of people. Got sick with bronchitis and had to see the doctor for a steriod shot. Decided to volunteer one afternoon at Jazz Fest at a drink tent. Decided to buy myself a weekend pass to the last weekend of Jazz Fest, which is also my last weekend here in New Orleans for a while.

I'm working about 97 hours this week (ending Saturday evening) and then heading over to my dad's house to spend Easter with the family. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again.

I'm going to Nashville the weekend after I get home. I've still got to plan a flight to Seattle for Crash and I at some point this May or June. I'm flying to Columbus for a long weekend towards the end of June. I'm going to be 41 this summer. Crash is going to be 17 and entering her senior year of high school. Surprisingly, I'm OK with that.

Remind me to tell y'all about the psychic reading I had down in the French Quarter not long ago!

Walking with the Zulu Rascals

So I need to write about this mostly because I was an idiot and forgot to put the memory card back in the camera the morning of the parade. Because of that, I only got a few pictures from the start of the parade. The flip side to not having the camera to use is that I was able to put it away and just concentrate on having a good time.

So here are my thoughts on the whole morning...

We had to be at the Zulu Krewe club building at 6am so that we could get our faces painted for the parade. We also needed to unload all the extra beads we had and load them on to the support truck. Andrea picked me up at my hotel and we made our way to the club. We went inside and they were serving breakfast. Eventually Laura showed up and we painted our faces real quick. Everyone loaded in the back of the support truck and we made our way to the starting point for the parade.

Once we got there we were told what float we would be walking behind. Our float was #6. Everyone was on the phone calling friends who were watching, telling them where we would be. I called a few people but ended up not seeing them. Behind us walking would be the Rebirth Jazz Band. We stood around for a bit waiting for all the other floats and marching bands to go by so that we could fall in on our position. Finally it was time to start walking!

Things started out pretty slow at first. Lots of starting and stopping, which was fine, since we were all dancing and having a wonderful time. I was handing out beads at a furious pace. It was fun in the parts where there were no barricades and you could walk right up to people and put beads on them. Everyone was stepping out in to the street asking us to stop and take pictures.

We were getting close to Gallier Hall which is where all the TV cameras and the Mayor were. Everyone loaded up on beads before we got there. Seeing so many people and having the band right behind us to keep everyone dancing was just amazing! I was trying to throw beads to people in the back. Everyone wanted coconuts (which must be passed hand to hand now, no more throwing!)

We danced/walked the entire parade route, which was over four miles. Then we danced our way back to the Zulu Club. We started at 8am...we got back to the club at approximately 130pm. I was on the move for five and a half hours!

Andrea and I packed up the last of our things in her car and she dropped me back at my hotel. I loved all the looks that I got walking through the lobby! Then I had to walk down to the store to get some soda. The people on the street were very nice and told me how much they had enjoyed watching our parade, since it looked like everyone who was in it was just having the time of their life. It truly was one of the great times of MY life! I'm already planning on doing this every year!

Now I just need to figure out how to make my own coconuts to give out...

(I'll edit this post once I get to my laptop at the hotel. I need to include a photo of me in costume!)

02.10.2007

I know, I know! I haven't been writing!

There are some new pictures up in the gallery. I finally made it to a Mardi Gras parade! Gots lots of beads and had a nice time taking pictures. We're going to a few more parades this evening after work.

I just came back from the bead store. Why? Well, I'm walking in a parade on Fat Tuesday!!! A friend and I were invited to walk with the Zulu Krewe. We have to wear costumes (which involve a black wig, gold shoes, and a grass skirt!) and, while they do provide some of the throws, we were told that we'd probably want to buy more. People, I now have more than five cases of beads in the back of my car right now! I bought five cases of various beads, then about 10-12 more bags of various beads that I liked but didn't want a whole case of. I will be sure and take lots of pictures of them once I get them sorted out a bit.

Enjoy the pictures from last night. I'll hopefully have more to post tomorrow morning from tonight's parades!

01.25.2007

Holy cow, when did it become the end of January??!!

I'm back in New Orleans (in case you hadn't figured that out yet!). Will be here at least until March 9th. Just working every day and waiting until 2/15 when John comes down to visit for Mardi Gras. We're going to have one hell of a weekend and I can't wait.

I'll try and post more. No really, I promise!

11.16.2006

No new pictures today. Just a quick update on what I've been up to.

Still working a whole bunch. Currently set to work over 100 hours this week. Really looking forward to next week when Crash and John come down for Thanksgiving. I'm excited about not only seeing them, but meeting my new sisters from South Africa!

Best dinner out so far was at Emeril's. I had the gumbo, a duck schnitzel, then a nice cup of coffee as everyone sitting around me had dessert. Everything I ate was just heavenly!

Tomorrow night we are going downtown to watch the NOLA portion of the Comic Relief show for Hurricane Katrina. Keep your eyes on the crowd for me! I'll try and post some pictures on Sunday before I forget to!

11.04.2006

There are more pictures added to the Halloween in the French Quarter gallery. They were taken on 10/28 after we'd gone to VoodooFest. We saw RHCP, Blue October, Social Distortion. Had a great time!

They are trying to talk me into going back down to the French Quarter tonight for someone's birthday. I'm thinking about it. A few of us are trying to get together to go to Commander's Palace for dinner on Sunday. I think we need to call first and ask if we can wear tennis shoes :)

11.01.2006

There are some new photos up in the Gallery. I took them last night in the French Quarter.

Having a great time, working about 14 hours a day, loving every minute of it!

10.03.2006

This is what I look like having lost 80 pounds so far. I promise to take some pictures this coming week in clothes that actually fit me!

09.30.2006

I really should wait to type until I go get my nails done, but for now I'll just hope I don't hit too many extra keys...

Sorry for the lack up updates! Work has been killer with the end of the fiscal year so I've been exhausted every day. I'm glad it is over and now I can focus on either deploying to Iraq or deploying to New Orleans.

I know, I've not talked a lot about Iraq but for now, there isn't a whole lot going on. I made the list, meaning that they said I was qualified to go...I just don't have a position to go to. Camp Cupcake doesn't have a position for me for at least four months, and that is assuming that the person in the position now doesn't extend. Then while talking to people in the green zone, there are no openings there right now either. One of the engineers in my office is going back down to New Orleans in a few weeks (and the funny thing is, we're actually going on vacation at the same time to the same place!), so maybe he can get me a 30-60 day deployment. I'd like to make a little extra cash for the holidays anyway, and I'm sure that John and Crash wouldn't mind coming down to NOLA to visit me.

The weight loss is still going fairly strong. I've officially lost 80 pounds now! I would take some pictures today and show myself off but John has the camera and he ended up staying in Anchorage for an extra day. I think that in a few years, I'm going to have to go deploy for a year just to have all the extra cash for all the plastic surgery I'm going to want. I know that the insurance company isn't going to cover everything I want. My stomach and upper thighs are utterly embarrassing and gross...but smaller! I knew this was going to happen so I can't really complain too much. I'm healthier, stronger, and much smaller. Excess skin is actually a small price to pay.

And speaking of weight loss, if those of you playing along with the home game are keeping track, yes, it means that my weight officially starts with a 1 rather than a 2. I thought I would be a lot more psyched about it, and while it was a very nice thing to see the first number on the scale finally change, it was just another day with another pound lost. I can wear a size 16 skinny jeans from Old Navy or a regular size 14. Evidently I've got size 16 thighs and a size 14 waist. It has been forever since I've worn jeans that actually have a big gap at the waist because it is too big there. I'm just thrilled to be wearing anything with the word 'skinny' in it! Last night for a girls night out dinner I wore the skinny jeans and the shirt I got from Glarkware. I was told I looked awesomely cute...which made venturing out a total success!

So I promise, I'll be taking lots of pictures in the coming week. I'll try and get them posted before Crash and I go to Orlando. We're driving down on Friday (shh, don't tell the school!) and then returning on the 13th. I'm still debating on taking the laptop with us. I might just so that I have a place to dump all the pictures we'll end up taking! We're doing both Disney and Universal Studios. The big night will be the 8th. We're doing this. Yes, I know it is going to scare the living daylights out of me. Just to make sure I am an idiot, I sprung for the RIP tour tickets for us. Ya know, so that I won't have time to think about NOT going through a house while standing in a 2 hour line. Crash laughed at me when I said I didn't even like looking at the website. Some of the pages are pretty creepy...like the house page for The People Under the Stairs. I really just want to go ride all the rides!

09.13.2006

Just a quick note to Patty and Kathy....I'm sorry there are no new pictures posted. Took me a million and a half hours to get home yesterday and it was late by the time I was able to even think about the computer. I'll post some soon!

09.09.2006

Hellooooooooooooooo Seattle!

Got here on Thursday. First order of business was waiting forever for my small suitcase to show up on the baggage carousel. Went down to Alam0 and was given a nice Grand Prix for the long weekend. Got on to I-5 south and it really felt like I was "home" for a little while. I stopped by LASA and got to visit with everyone there. The new office is a lot bigger than the old one, though they could still use more room. It was a little strange realizing that it's been almost two years since I was last here.

Friday was spent being girly and getting a mani and pedi with Michelle1. I was all stressed out on Wednesday since I wasn't sure I was going to have time to get my nails done when she reminded me that we'd have all day Friday to do what we like. After girlifying ourselves we went to lunch with the LASA ladies. I opted for a teriyaki place since there isn't any REALLY good places to get it in Alabama. I wasn't disappointed. Michelle1 loved all the women I used to work with and I was sad to see lunch come to an end. After that we ran home and got her girls settled with the sitter and headed off to Bell Square. I was on a mission to hit Lush and stock up on my shampoo and conditioner. I also got some more henna, since I'd used most of what we had left. Crash will be thrilled with another block of the Marron henna. I had (and really, still have) shoe-envy of Michelle1's new Earth shoes. They are absolutely adorable and honestly, I'm not even sure where I would find them where I live. I think that John and I are just going to have to plan yearly trips out here to go shop. Anyway, after our shopping it was time for Steak Night! We had a lovely time along with a perfectly cooked filet. I didn't realize how much I've missed having girlfriends to just sit around and have dinner with. We were there for over three hours and it was worth every penny. There was a lot of good conversation and many laughs. I think it was just what Michelle1 and Jody needed.

Today we spent the day with the girls and took them to the Seattle Aquarium. They had a great time and I took a ton of pictures. I'll have to upload them once I'm home. I think I shocked Michelle1 when I had an extra memory card for her camera, so she was able to continue taking pictures until her batteries died. After the fish, we stopped by the Crab Pot to have a late lunch. M1 and I had the boil where they had mussels, crabs, oysters, crab legs, shrimp, halibut and salmon skewers, andouille sausage, as well as the corn on the cob and potatoes. We also had a cup of clam chowder, because really, could I be here and NOT have some?? I don't think so! Lunch was heavenly and while we were able to put a nice dent in the pile, we didn't even come close to finishing everything. It was finally time to head home, and that is where the story gets interesting...

We were almost to Fife when it happened. We were just driving along in the lane next to the far left. We hadn't changed lanes or anything, just driving along minding our own business and listening to the girls serenade us with various songs. All of a sudden we feel the van being pushed to the right. Some asshole in a little silver car had freaking hit us, either by drifting over to our lane, or not paying attention while trying to change lanes. We started to change lanes to the right so that we could pull off at the next exit. At first, the car that hit us was following us, acting like he was going to pull off as well. Once we were comitted to actually exiting, he pulled back over to the left and took off down I-5. Good thing we'd already written down his plate number, huh? We pulled into a parking lot and called the state patrol. They showed up and already had the address and phone number of the other driver. Hopefully he'll be prosecuted. M1's van is still drivable, just some big black rubber marks on the back left wheel cover and the rear quarter panel. Still, very strange, the whole hit and run on the freeway.

Tonight we're going to put the girls to bed early and then fix ourselves a drink or five.

08.23.2006

Well, everything is in motion now...

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPORT ASSISTANT (OA),GS - 0303 - 7 BAGHDAD / IRAQ
2006-08-23 - Your resume has been referred to the selecting official for consideration for this vacancy.

I'm already in contact with people there. Yes, they want me. Now it is a matter of doing all the paperwork, physicals, etc.

I'll keep you all posted!

08.16.2006

Nothing much going on. I'm sitting here killing a few minutes while I wait for Crash to finish her homework and change her clothes so we can go work out and then go tanning.

I've lost 70 pounds.

Yup, 70 freaking pounds. 25% of my total weight from when I started. Not bad for five months, huh?

I'm waiting on some emails and confirmations...but there should be some news in the coming week or so. Nobody but me seems super thrilled about it, but hey, I'm an adventurous girl and I want to do it. I know...all the mystery and such. I'm not going to say anything until I know for sure it is going to happen. Well that, and I really should tell Crash before I tell all of you.

Vegas, baby!

Yes, that is me standing in front of the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas. I apologize for not taking off the hat and sunglasses, but people, it was probably about 110 degrees at that point, and we'd walked from the Venetian to the Wynn. It was H.O.T!

John and I got home yesterday afternoon. I'm still tired. We came home with money, which is always nice. Tomorrow we're going shopping for new living room furniture. Yeah, we came home with a nice little chunk of change :)

Crash is now driving. I still swear that I'm not old enough to have a child old enough to drive! She passed her test on the second try. I can't blame her too much for the first failure, as she was only getting into the turn lane like she must do to turn on to our street. However, when you scare the testing person, they pretty much fail you on the spot. We spent the rest of the day of the test failure practicing changing lanes gracefully, and she passed with flying colors the second time around. I got a little freaked out the following weekend when she followed John and I to Costco to fill up her gas tank. It hit me that my child was in a car, driving, behind me! And I wasn't with her! And she could, potentially, hit my new car! She didnt, and was rewarded with a full tank of gas.

Other than Vegas, nothing much going on. It is back to work on Monday, and then hoping for another deployment so I can make more money to go back to Vegas. I've got more trips planned already...Atlanta for training at the end of this month, Seattle in September to spend some quality drinking time with Michelle #1, and Orlando in October with Crash, which should be wonderful for her and scary as hell for me since we're going to do Halloween Horror Nights. Finally, John and I will head down to Biloxi in November for a long weekend and to catch up with some friends. And yes, I'm already trying to plan another trip to Vegas....now to save up another few grand so that we can go back in January or February to scope out places to renew our vows.

Home

So I'm home and I'm 40 now. Had a wonderful birthday party at The Shed in Ocean Springs, MS which was also a See Ya Later party, since I was leaving a few days later.

I wish I had all the words to describe how hard it was to walk out of the office for the last time. I'd worked to exhaustion some days. I'd made some amazing friends. I'd laughed and cried when my co-workers pressed many, many dollars into my hands so that I could go buy children's books for the library. I laughed every single day at work. I don't know many people that can say that.

I stopped into my office yesterday. Everyone was happy to see me, and likewise, I was glad to be back. The only nasty surprise on my desk was the fact that someone had used my mouse with sticky fingers and the roller wheel was gunky. I wiped it clean and was glad that was the only major malfunction after three months.

Coming home is sort of like living in a timewarp. It is weird to think that when I left, all the garden was just beginning to show signs of life, and now things are shooting up and blooming and putting out a ton of veggies. When did that happen? I don't feel like I've been gone for three months, and at the same time it feels like I was gone forever.

Today we're hosting a combination Welcome Home/Happy Birthday BBQ for me. I've been cooking and cleaning all morning and have just now sat down to take a quick break before our home is invaded with friends and family. I can't wait to see everyone and just sit and visit.

I don't FEEL 40. Can I still pretend I'm 12?

Good Day

It was a very good day. In three days I had over $625 donated so that we could buy children's books for the library in Pass Christian, Mississippi.

First, I had a bunch of people handing me money. That is always a good thing.

Then, we decided that we had to get some lunch first. Fuel for shopping and whatnot.

Then we went to Barnes and Noble, which opened recently after the hurricane. They didn't like us taking photos in the store, so I'm quite sad to say that there are no pictures of us having an absolutely wonderful time shopping for all the books. The clerks in the children's section were just as excited as we were and helped us out a whole bunch by keeping a running total of our purchase. They also made some wonderful suggestions on books.

We finally emerged with a long receipt totaling exactly $600. The girl on the left is Sherri, who I work with for 12 hours every day. The girl on the right is one of the clerks who helped us. I would be the one in the middle looking like I'm wearing clown clothes since all my clothes are too big now.

We loaded our haul into the car and headed back to the office to make a list of all the books and put the book plates in them.

After we were done with the listing and labeling, we headed off to visit Miss Sally at the library. To say that she was over the moon would be an understatement. She was commenting on all the books that we'd bought and exclaiming how each one was perfect. She's holding a book called "A Girl and Her Gator", which I had picked out because the artwork caught my eye. That is Miss Sally on the right. The polite young man on the left is Jim, a Quality Assurance person here from West (by God) Virginia. He's been here for 90 days and is leaving next week.

It was almost like story time with Miss Sally. The book she is holding is about how little Russell the sheep can't fall asleep. The art in the book is awesome and every time I looked at a page I noticed something different. And the pictures of the sheep sleeping are hilarious!

I had to include this picture for a few reasons. First, the new face in the picture is Patty, who was actually taking most of the pictures today. Second, can you read the book that Miss Sally is holding up in front of Jim? Yes, it is called "I Like Myself!"

Here we are holding all the books that we bought today. I'm holding books 1-12 of the A Series of Unfortunate Events!

There you have it. Our very good day. Donating the books was great, and knowing that I've still got more money to give so that they can order books that haven't been released yet is even better.

72 books for $600 donated by about 30 people.

Go get some good feelings for yourself and donate some books!

06.14.2006

Today I got to spend some quality time at the Pass Christian Library. It is housed in a donated trailer. I met quite a few children as well as all the librarians who are working there. To say that I am in awe of them would be an understatement.

Another understatement would be to say that my co-workers are a bunch of softies. I actually got all teary-eyes this morning when I collected even more money from them than the day before. I should have at least $500 to purchase children's books on Friday and I can't wait.

Go buy books for these people....please?! I'll post pictures either Friday or Saturday, so check back for them!

Get yourself some good karma...

Go there and donate books. Or money. Or books AND money.

I am going to go buy some books and deliver them in person to the library in Pass Christian. I'll post some pictures of the little field trip.

Life here is pretty much the same. I did take off a Saturday and Sunday to spend the weekend in New Orleans with John and Crash. We stayed at the Inn on Bourbon and it was lovely. We got a balcony over Bourbon St and had a great time throwing beads down to the drunks. On Saturday we had a great lunch at Margaritaville with my parents. Always a great time seeing them. Hopefully we can get together again when we all have more time.

I'll be here until the end of this month, then my presence is 'required' back at the office. While I will feel bad knowing that I'm leaving before the job is completed, there are still going to be some great people here to finish things up and do whatever else needs to be done. I did find out that I was selected to go to training for our "strike team", which means we'd deploy first in the event of a disaster. I've got a lot of pre-training stuff to do, as well as a week of training before John and I head off to Vegas at the end of July.

Still going to Curves at least three times a week. Weight loss is spradic, but the clothes are still getting looser and looser so I'm not going to complain. I did go in to the Gap the other day and walked out with a bag of clothes that fit. It was pretty nice buying things from someplace besides the fat lady store. Loss so far is about 50 pounds and moving out of clothes with a W at the end of the size tag.

I'm off to shower and get some sleep. Don't forget to donate! And visit the site and let them know what you donated!

Thank You

Thank you all for your very kind emails :) I have read them all....and then I usually go shower and fall in to bed. I keep thinking, "I should answer so-n-so." and then I fall asleep. Sorry!

I'll try not to wait so long in between updates.

As far as the surgery, still going strong as you can see. I'm not the fastest loser, and that is OK with me. I figure if I take it off a little slower, I'm more likely to be able to maintain it. No complications at all. No puking, which is always a good thing in my book! My head doesn't always wrap itself around the idea that I've already lost 45 pounds. I see myself every day so I don't really notice it.

05.20.2006

I was talking to my friend the other day and he was giving me a hard time about not writing here. I had to laugh, since it would be very much like this:

Dear Diary, today I woke up at 430am. I worked for around 13 hours. Then I went to Curves. Then I showered and went to bed.

Wouldn't that bore you guys to death? Hell, I'm the one living it and it bores me to death!

Instead, here are two pictures. The first one is from last June when I visited my dad before spending a week in New Orleans. Obviously not one of the greatest pictures, which would be why nobody has really seen it before now!

The second picture is a face-shot I took while standing in front of the hotel mirror the other night. Not a wonderful shot, but it gives you an idea of what my face looks like now that it is thinner.

Other than that, not a lot going on around here. I'm here at least until the 15th of June, up to a month after that if I would like to stay. Tempting since John and I have a trip to Vegas planned for the end of July!

I should go get ready for work. I've got some errands to run later, namely I need to go buy a phone charger since some skeezy asshole stole mine out of the office. My personal cell is dead until I get a charger, so I guess I'm hitting Wally World later.

4.17.2006

Hello from Mississippi!

So I had Easter sunday off. It was quite nice and I drove over to Breaux Bridge to visit my parents. And let me just say to my sisters: Neener Neener Neener, I got to ride on Dad's boat first!! :)

It wasn't that bad of a drive. The traffic on Saturday evening was pretty light and moved right along. I think I averaged about 80 or so most of the way. I got in and we all sat up too late chatting. I was given a lovely Easter basket and the world's cutest stuffed lamb. Yes, it is sitting on my bed here in the hotel. On Sunday we got up and took the boat out on the lake/swamp/bayou. I got some color, though that color is currently RED! We had a lovely time zipping up and down the waterways. I took so many pictures that I killed the battery and had to use the ones from Dad's extra camera. Of course, it is still sitting dead in the bag, so I haven't gotten anything uploaded yet. Soon...I hope.

Today it was back to work as usual. I know for a fact that I'll be here until at least May 31st. That is the goal date to have everything done, but of course there is always the close-up process, and I'm hoping to stick around for that. After work today another woman and I went to Curves for our first workout. It was more fun than I thought it was going to be, and at one minute per exercise you really don't have time to think about how much you hate something. I'm sure I'll be a little sore in the morning, but a good sore, ya know?

I'm off to shower and lay in bed until I fall asleep. I have a whole bunch of great lavendar smelling stuff to use to help me off to la-la land.

03.31.2006

I know, I haven't been writing again. I promise, no secret surgeries or anything. I was totally tired when I got home from work for the first week or so. Like exhausted tired. Like go to bed at 630pm and sleep like a rock tired. Thankully I'm able to stay awake a little later each night. I was even wake until 11pm the other night when we went to the Motley Crue concert! Oh, and speaking of, I would love a recording of the solo that Tommy Lee does. It was quite techno sounding and I was probably one of the few people in the arena that actually really liked it!

So I'm deploying again! This time I'll be down on the actual gulf in Mississippi. I leave on Monday morning, so the rest of this weekend will be spent making sure that I've packed everything that I need to pack. I'm even going to take my tiny fridge that I'd bought.

Still sitting at about 25 pounds lost. I'm trying to stay off the scale and just be happy that all my pants are getting loose :)

03.19.2006

Tomorrow I go back to work. I'm actually looking forward to being out of the house for a full day. I can only watch so much daytime TV without losing more brain cells!

Yesterday John and I spent the day outside gardening. We pulled up two ugly bushes in the front bed. Then we planted some bulbs and put two of my larger rose bushes into the ground. I think they'll be happier there, since that area gets much more sun than they got in the back. We also bought two more bare root roses (Moonstone and Peace) that we placed in the front bed as well. I'll certainly be babying them this Spring. All of the other roses are doing wonderfully well in the pots out back. I have a feeling that more of them will end up in the front beds in the next year.

In the large bed under the dogwoods we planted some more bulbs along the monkey grass border. Then, behind that in the semi-circle bed, we'll just plant shade wildflowers. I'll go toss some seeds every week for a month out there, just to keep a constant bloom going on things. In the summer it is way too shady for any kind of rose bush (which we sadly found out the first summer we were here) so wildflowers it is. I didn't want to feel like half my yard was hostas, which I have under the Japanese Magnolia in the front.

I'd go take some pictures so you can see the difference, but of course it is raining this morning. I think I'll wait a little while and take some pictures once things start to bloom. We're also going to be redoing the outside portion of the enclosed front porch, mainly so that it looks more professional and neat. I'd like a nice bead board out there, going up and down. Then we can repaint the exterior, put some insulation in, then drywall the interior like it should be done. I think we'll tear down the ceiling on the porch to see what's up there. I'd really like to have a ceiling fan out there, but we don't have quite enough room with the ceiling as it is. Perhaps we can once we take that out. If nothing more, I can put some decent lighting out there.

That's about it. Oh, here are the lovely Get Well flowers that were given to me! My room smells lovely!!!

Aren't they all just beautiful??

Have a great week and I'll keep you all posted on how I do. I'm taking Crash with me on the first day, so she can do my filing and also carry anything I need carried in to work. I've also got some boxes at work that need to come home, so she can load those into the car for me.

Oh....and 20 pounds gone as of this morning :)

03.14.2006

One week ago I was having surgery right this minute.

Thankfully, I feel a whole hell of a lot better today than I did then. I know I'm not supposed to step on the scale and all, but here's the deal. According to my scale at home, I've lost about 14 pounds since surgery. 14 pounds in one week. 14 pounds!!

I'm drinking my water and all like I'm supposed to. In the mornings I snag about 2-3 oz of Crash's protein shake for my breakfast. For the rest of the day I'll have either soft scrambled eggs or some pureed soup. For someone who hated corn chowder before surgery, my favorite soup right now is a chicken corn chowder. I put about 2 oz in a little bowl, add a few bits of grated cheddar cheese and nuke for about 30 seconds. Instant happiness for my stomach.

I'm finally starting to feel hunger pains. At least I think that's what they are. When I wake up in the morning there is an ache in my stomach that goes away once I've had the protein shake. A few hours after that, it starts again. If I have about 2oz of food 4-5 times a day I keep my stomach happy. The hardest thing is not drinking with/after meals. I am almost counting down the minutes after a meal until I can take a sip of water.

I'm looking forward to being able to eat more 'real' foods in a week or so. I'll probably wait until after my appointment on the 27th and get the OK from the doctor. So far nothing has really made me want to get sick. I've not finished my egg a few times, mainly because I just felt like I was done, if that makes sense. I have no desire to test the limits of the pouch. Just telling me that I might get sick if I have sugar? That right there is enough to make me not even want sugar. Hello, I am Michelle, and I am the anti-puker.

Other than that, life is pretty darn boring. I need to find a support group up in this area, since the one for my surgeon is just too far away. I'm slowly making sure that all my clothes and such are ready for work next week. The less I have to do in the morning, the more time I have to prepare the food I'll take with me. Still not quite sure what all I'll take, but I have lots of those little 4oz cups now, so it shouldn't be a problem taking a variety of things. John bought me a wide selection of soups at the store, as well as three different kinds of water at Costco. I should be all set.

03.10.2006

I'm home. I'm sore. I'm 'rearranged'. I'm sore.

I'll give you all the general recap of what happened...

On Monday, the 6th, I had to be only on clear liquids as well as take the bowel prep. I was NOT having a good day and waking up with a bad headache wasn't helping things. I was dehydrated and knew it, but no matter how much water I drank that day, nothing seemed to help until John brought me a few extra strength Tylenol. We had to drive to Birmingham, and thankfully by the time we got to the hotel I was no longer in danger of getting sick from the headache. I am also now a big fan of the Propel fitness water.

Tuesday morning I was up and in the shower by 4am. We reported to the hospital at 5am and got done with admitting within 15 minutes. When we reported to the surgical floor we were told that surgeries don't start until 8am (!!!!) but that we might be called back sooner than that. I sat down, prepared to wait for a long time. Within about 20 minutes I was called back to change into the hospital gown and try to pee for one last pregnancy test (routine, and no, I'm obviously NOT!) They finally brought John back to me and we sat around waiting for them to put the good stuff in the IV and wheel me off. Once they got the negative results, I was given some good drugs. I think I promptly fell asleep, since I don't remember saying goodbye to John nor being wheeled into surgery. I do remember getting on the operating table and the whole mask thing. Then I remember waking up.

Pain. Lots and lots of pain. The thing about pain is that it tends to make me feel sick to my stomach if it is bad enough. I was pretty drugged and couldn't tell the difference, so they kept pumping me up with either morphine or anti-nausea drugs. Once my pain was at a manageable level they released me from Recovery and sent me to the room. I remember John being there. I remember being annoyed at the nurses that needed to take my vitals. I kept feeling like I was sliding down the bed, so I raised my legs up a bit with the button and found a slight v-shape to rest my ass in.

My hospital stay can be summed up with my not sleeping more than a few hours at a time, bad television, clear liquids, and lots of walking. I won't bore you all with the details, but the doctors were pleased when they would come to see me and I was released immediately after lunch on Thursday, the 9th.

The ride home from the hospital was probably the longest two hours I've spent in a vehicle. I hadn't had any pain meds since the night before, so every little bump in the road was an unpleasant experience. John finally got us home and deposited me onto the couch once I'd changed my clothes. Then, being the angel that he is, he went to get my prescription for the liquid lortab filled. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see him come back home as I was after that trip.

The Lortab helps a lot with the pain. I'm still sore, but it is manageable. I'm 'eating' liquids and will add in a protein shake tomorrow. My doctor's after-surgery diet is much more liberal than most, so I'm trying to find a nice middle ground that will allow my pouch to heal without scaring me. I'm drinking more than 48oz of water a day, usually closer to 64. That is a lot of sipping people! I can't drink with meals, and I'm not supposed to drink for 15 minutes prior and 30 minutes after 'eating'. Today I had a total of 8 fluid ounces of soup. And lots of water. Tomorrow I will have 8 fluid ounces of soup, 4 ounces of a protein shake...and lots of water. I think tomorrow's diet will pretty much be the one I follow until I have my follow-up appointment with the surgeon on the 27th. Not only do I want to maximize healing, I'd also like to maximize the beginning weight I lose.

The Lortab is starting to kick in again so I'm going to go lay in bed and take advantage of it for a few hours.

03.06.2006

So you want to know why I've been so quiet here, right? You want to know what is going on with me, why I haven't written an update in well over a month?

OK, I'll spill the beans now.

I'm leaving this evening to head to a hotel in Birmingham. Tomorrow morning at about 5am I will report to the hospital for my gastric bypass surgery. Yes, I'm having a bypass. Yes, I've thought about this for years. Yes, I've tried everything else under the sun short of lopping off body parts.

Unless you've been a hundred or more pounds overweight, you have no idea where I'm coming from. Yeah, it must suck to need to lose ten or twenty or even fifty pounds. At this point in my life I'd love to be in that boat rather than this one. I'm not, though, and this is the route I have chosen to take to correct years of dieting myself up to this weight.

I wasn't always fat. In high school I had a great body and knew it. When I was in the military I was still in shape, forced exercise will tend to keep you there. However, when I got out I was a little "soft". That wasn't quite so bad and once I started going to the gym it was better. Then I got pregnant. And lived in Germany (the food....god, what wonderful food!). And then moved to the States and got depressed. On came the weight. I tried Redux (a form of phen-fen) and lost a little weight, only to put it right back on plus a lot more when I had to stop taking it. I did Atkins to no end...and while I have always felt better eating that way, I could never maintain the loss for any extended period of time.

Hello, I am Michelle and I love food. All kinds of food.

Today is, hopefully, the last day in my life that I will ever see this number on the scale. I will drive down to the hotel with John where we will go to sleep early (OK, we'll go to bed early...I doubt I'll actually sleep much!) and then we'll walk into the hospital in the morning to start changing my life.

I wasn't going to have the bypass surgery. I was going to try and get the lap-band. I even chose my specific insurance because they covered the band. I went to all my appointments, chose a doctor down south who performed the surgery I wanted. Then I deployed for a while and got a huge disappointment just before I came home....my insurance company was going to stop covering the surgery I wanted at the end of the year. There was no way that the doctor's office would be able to fit me in before that happened, so if I wanted any kind of obesity surgery, it was going to have to be the bypass. I was pretty stunned as I sat there and read the email from the nurse.

Then I started reading...anything and everything I could get my hands on about the RNY surgery. The pros, the cons, and everything in between. I actually made lists and was even close to making charts to help me make my decision. In the end, I decided that the trade-offs were going to be worth it for me, and the risks were not that much more than the band for me. I'm a healthy girl...I'm just fucking fat.

Yes, I am rearranging the insides in the hopes of gaining perfect health and a smaller body. Yes, I will have to take vitamins for the rest of my life. Yes, I will have to make sure I am vigilant about drinking my water, eating my protein, and exercising. Yes, I will more than likely end up needing my gallbladder out at a later time (for now mine is picture perfect so they won't remove it) as well as a high probability that I'll get at least one hernia. Me and Madonna baby, we'll have a lot in common I guess! I may need plastic surgery to remove excess skin if it doesn't 'bounce back' like I hope.

Unless you've been this heavy, you'll never know the insecurities that come with the pounds. You'll never feel the need to scan a room and see if you are the biggest person. You'll never eye those stupid plastic chairs, wondering if they are strong enough to hold you. You'll never know that the face on the outside is far from matching the feelings on the inside.

The comments of "Oh, you have such a pretty face...if only you'd lose a little weight." and "If you would just eat right and exercise..." are hurtful and humiliating. I've eaten right and exercised my way to this weight. I need this extra tool to push me over that proverbial edge onto the downhill slide where I can succeed.

Do you not agree with what I'm doing? I honestly don't care. Keep your comments to yourself in that case. I have this handy thing called a Delete key and I'm not afraid to use it. Feel the need to point me to all the websites with stories about bypass surgery gone wrong? Don't bother, I've found them all on my own already. Want to tell me about how your cousin's sister's boyfriend's mother died from this same surgery? Please don't, as I've already read dozens and dozens of heartbreaking stories. Do you just want to email me and call me names? Really? Are you 12? Do you think I don't KNOW that I'm fat? Do you think I don't look in the mirror every single day and hate what I see? I love myself on the inside, hate myself on the outside....and now I'm taking steps to fix that. Do you think I'm taking the easy way out by having surgery? Well, I have one thing to say to you then, and it will be the end of this entry....

Remember, it is a scalpel, not a fucking wand.

01.20.2006

I wish that there was a lot more to say. Unfortunately I've been busy as hell at work and trying not to get sick. Today I finally threw in the towel at lunch and came home to suffer in relative silence...save for the hacking up my lungs and whatnot.

We've been slowly working around the house trying to de-clutter it as best we can. We got the office cleaned out enough to put both computers in there, so now the living room doesn't look so strange. We've cleaned out closets and dresser drawers. Really, fun and exciting stuff...so you can see why I haven't been updating.

28 days until my trip to Vegas. I'm thinking about deploying again for a month after that. John is doing well with both of his college classes, though they keep him pretty busy. Crash is doing OK in most of her classes, but is usually grounded for not doing her homework. Hopefully she will understand that we're NOT fooling around when it comes to ger grades.

I'm going to go pass out in bed now. Take care and stay away from the people that are sick!

Meet....

Sally. I know....not that original, but someone else suggested it and everyone at the table agreed that it was a great name.

I already have the dash lights set to a nice pink/purple color. I've only put abut 80 miles on her since Friday.

I love her to death.

11.24.2005

Well I am home and slowly catching up on all my sleep. I don't think I've been awake past 9pm since I've gotten here. Of course, I woke up at about 3am this morning and finally gave up trying to go back to sleep 45 minutes later.

There is so much to be thankful for today, so of course, I have a list:

- My family. All of them combined, both near and far. Someday I'll have a holiday where I'm with my sisters and dad, but until then we'll just keep on calling and emailing and sending our love.

- My husband. I'll admit that there was a part of me that was a little pleased that while I was away from home he got a small taste of trying to raise a teenage girl on his own. He's wonderful and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I'm not just saying that for the reason to be given at the end of this entry, either!

- My daughter. As much as she can try my patience she really is a good kid. At least she's a lot better than *I* was at her age. She's slowly finding her way through the valley of teendom and I'm sure we'll all be glad when she locates a map or gps or something. We had a great day yesterday, spending most of it together acting like goofballs.

- My home. A year later and I'm just as in love with this house as I was when I first saw the pictures over the internet. It isn't perfect, but I love all the quirks and creaks and oddities. Besides just loving my house, I'm still feeling completely blessed to even have a home this year. After seeing the horrible damage done by the hurricanes this year, I am so thankful that I have a safe, dry place to return to every day.

- My job. I still love my job, probably even more after coming home. I was a little surprised at the number of people that seemed shocked that I had only worked for my organization for about six months when I deployed. I don't think that working someplace for years and years makes you want to help more. I am appreciated at work, like my co-workers even more, and really enjoy what I'm doing.

So there are the biggies for this Thanksgiving. I am blessed, be it by a higher power, good karma or whatever...but I'm really blessed to be where I am right now.

And I'm getting a new car. Not THE car I want, since John just will NOT agree to the Mini Cooper...but a new car none the less. A brand spanking new car that will be a lovely shade of either light blue or a silver color that is almost lavender. What am I getting (hopefully tomorrow!)? A Mustang :)

11.12.2005

My brain didn't really explode...but it was a close call. We finished the pay estimates and boxed up all the tickets and such that were reconciled. We also sent off two of the admin staff (out of four) to go to another office to enter tickets. Come to find out that our office was the ONLY office in the state actually doing what we were supposed to be doing. Who knew? We could have been slackers and stopped doing the tickets correctly like everyone else!

I'm in Vicksburg, MS for the next few days. Since all the tickets and related databases were sent here, all the reconciling is being done here as well. The girls up here asked me to come up for a bit before heading home for good to help them out. Good thing I did, since they were doing exactly what I'd done on the first PE. Way too much work. I explained all the ins and out of everything and everyone is much more relaxed about the whole thing. None of it is going to match exactly, and we can't change the contractor's bill, so whatever doesn't match just doesn't match and we can't pay it yet. End of story.

I am VERY much looking forward to going home on Monday. Weekends and Fridays don't have much meaning right now and I'm sure I won't know what to do with myself after just 8 hours a day of work. I'm taking off on Friday, the 18th so that I can go see the new Harry Potter movie. I hope that there will be a midnight showing but if not, I'll be at the first one with everyone else I imagine.

Time to go shower and get ready for my last weekend of work for a while.

10.24.2005

Hello. My name is Michelle. My brain has melted from learning Access.

We're doing pay estimates from the contractor now. Just inputting the tickets was fine, but now we're analyzing data, running a bazillion different reports, searching for actual paper tickets, etc etc.

I think my brain actually stopped working at about 11am this morning. I finally had to have the other admin start looking for missing tickets, since I'd gone through them so many times I really wasn't even seeing the numbers any longer. Fortunately her brain was still active and she found everything I needed to finish our end of the paperwork. Once it was all said and done, we'd done an excellent job.

I got home from dinner to find an email with pay estimate two.

I fear my brain is not only going to melt tomorrow, it will just explode.

this is why...

...I came down here.

Look

I'm going to bed.

10.06.2005

You know what's coming, right?

Yes, now I am going to be staying here for two months. The supervisor here sent a very nice email to my boss in Alabama and pretty much almost begged for them to let me stay. So now I'm staying. I get to go home for a long weekend on the 14th, though I'm not checking out of my hotel. They are a hot item here and you don't give a room up just to go home for the weekend.

Anyway, I'm exhausted and heading to bed.

10.04.2005

Good Morning.

Change 239487239847. Looks like I'm NOT staying here two months. I'll be going home for good in two weeks. My home organization denied the request by the people here to keep me an extra month.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand, I'm very disappointed that I won't be staying here, and it isn't all about the money. We're very busy and the office is doing a lot of good work. I don't really think that the reason for denying the request is all that valid, but who am I to judge that, right?

On the other hand, I feel totally flattered that my bosses think that they just can't get it all done with my being gone for another month. A few of the people here in the office said, "Hell, I'd want her home as soon as possible too!" which was very nice. Evidently, in an emergency, I'm the admin you want :) I have no problem doing the dirty work and I'll work until it is done. I wish that all the people who are deployed felt that way.

When I was inprocessing and finding out where I would be sent, I paired up with another woman who had deployed a number of times in the past. At dinner I had just one question for her concerning what was about to happen. I asked her exactly what would be expected of me as the admin. Her answer should be disseminated to every single admin that is going to deploy. "You need to do whatever the resident engineer asks." That was it, plain and simple answer that covered all the bases.

I don't know if I'll get to deploy again for this disaster. I know that if nobody intervenes and I go home, that I'll get whatever it is that need to be done completed and then perhaps look for another tasker. Right now though, it looks like I'll be heading home on the 15th and back to work on the 17th. I'm pretty OK with that for now and figure I'll end up wherever it is that I'm needed the most.

PS - Eileen, I got your email but I can't send from the hotel. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement :) Make sure Daddy is resting enough! I'll email you guys soon!

10.03.2005

I thought this was hilarious...

Googlism for: michelle

michelle is easy at my personal artist
michelle is sitting
michelle is still going out wif vin?
michelle is front page news
michelle is pretty
michelle is highest rated in
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michelle is running away
michelle is amazing
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michelle is reading my journal
michelle is featured on mtv's "house of style
michelle is truly my "brightest shining star
michelle is worried about
michelle is sitting with her back to the dressing room wall
michelle is safe and dry
michelle is thursday
michelle is dumb
michelle is like having another ?me? to run with the ball when there just isn?t enough of ?me? to go around
michelle is an adorable twenty inch
michelle is seen with her favorite fashion accessories
michelle is highest rated in washington state history
michelle is the yummy girl michelle is the yummy girl of the day
michelle is the 2002 national champion 2002 olympic bronze medalist
michelle is the winner of seven world championship titles
michelle is one of the three girls that we meet in subspecies who are studying the
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michelle is pretty i think vin diesel is sooooo sexy
michelle is a writer
michelle is responsible for 5 for kids reports that air every monday
michelle is also a former vice
michelle is so cute and adorable
michelle is pretty too but katie has this mysterious aura about her that makes you more intrigued
michelle is a teenage bi
michelle is 12 years old
michelle is now a member of the research staff at xerox parc
michelle is really helping us modernize the bond films
michelle is the best
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michelle is a codehead
michelle is a real estate agent that is known in the community of york for their dedicated client service
michelle is in the 4th grade but is very tall for her age
michelle is currently undertaking a bachelor of business which continues our ongoing professional development
michelle is devoted to the issues of protecting our country
michelle is a nice person
michelle is a very outgoing girl and she loves meeting and playing with other children
michelle is cute
michelle is born to claire ramsey and ed bauer
michelle is the voice of reason in certain situations
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michelle is gaining strength and becoming more dangerous
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michelle is reason numero uno for us putting up with dawson's creek's angst filled show
michelle is a 3
michelle is incredibly intelligent
michelle is expected to track slowly up the trough in a northward or north
michelle is moving toward the northeast near 13 mph
michelle is skating on the baypath youth precision ice skating team
michelle is working at spotless
michelle is sustaining electrical engineering designs for the international space station
michelle is general counsel to the arizona association of realtors ®
michelle is
michelle is from a family of skaters where her younger sister karen being a figure skater as well
michelle is always striving to achieve
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michelle is connected to the following things
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michelle is a loving mother and beautiful wife
michelle is on the cover of harper's bazaar and there's a fun interview inside in which she lets us know her favorite movies of last
michelle is a royal academy of dance
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michelle is none too happy
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michelle is involved in a number of professional associations including the aussie schoolhouse and oz
michelle is currently single
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michelle is in meetings in columbia
michelle is fingering claudia's pussy while she strokes her hair michelle is sucking
michelle is a little bit more experienced
michelle is far from shy
michelle is well known for her role in the bbc tv series eastenders
michelle is equipped with a very robust wine list
michelle is human
michelle is running high for the award
michelle is a terrific facilitator/coach
michelle is one of the dozens of celebrities who made holiday greeting cards that were hand
michelle is easy at my personal artist
michelle is sitting
michelle is front page news
michelle is acting like a tramp
michelle is still going out wif vin?
michelle is sexxxy
michelle is
michelle is ready for the surgery
michelle is dazed and confused
michelle is dumb
michelle is pretty
michelle is in
michelle is the pink lady"
michelle is highest rated in
michelle is so cool
michelle is reading my journal
michelle is so asian
michelle is the winner of more gold medals than any other female figure skater in the usa and in the world
michelle is on the way
michelle is truly my "brightest shining star
michelle is sitting with her back to the dressing room wall
michelle is safe and dry
michelle is like having another “me” to run with the ball when there just isn’t enough of “me” to go around
michelle is moving to dallas
michelle is an adorable twenty inch
michelle is my dear friend michelle
michelle is running away
michelle is a highly underrated comic actress
michelle is good
michelle is so cute and adorable
michelle is pretty too but katie has this mysterious aura about her that makes you more intrigued
michelle is one of those girls you drooled over in math class
michelle is a girlie girl
michelle is the general manager for viking ii
michelle is pretty i think vin diesel is sooooo sexy
michelle is on the telescope and will remain there until 30
michelle is in fact a welsh sheep farmer who drives a lorry
michelle is a carefree
michelle is the pink lady"
michelle is in los angeles
michelle is easy at my personal artist michelle is worried about michelle is sitting michelle is amazing michelle is safe and dry michelle is still going out
michelle is a "sweet little girl" who likes to ride bikes
michelle is a writer
michelle is the youngest of eight in the palmisano family
michelle is so many things she is so talented and always knows where she is going and follows her heart
michelle is the winner of seven world championship titles
michelle is responsible for 5 for kids reports that air every monday
michelle is also a former vice
michelle is already a legend
michelle is involved with numerous community volunteer efforts
michelle is a real estate agent that is known in the community of peace river for their dedicated client service
michelle is the regional account manager responsible for sales in scotland
michelle is a dangerous thing
michelle is a graphic artist who likes bands like scratch acid
michelle is a "true" actress
michelle is hot
michelle is an entrepreneur who has created and operated several successful business ventures
michelle is a mid
michelle is highest rated in washington state history
michelle is on her way back to crystal city to donate a kidney to the father she never really knew
michelle is a true champion
michelle is the usual assortment of potato chips/crisps and drinks
michelle is 12 years old
michelle is a real estate agent that is known in the community of york for their dedicated client service
michelle is currently undertaking a bachelor of business which continues our ongoing professional development
michelle is working at spotless
michelle is a true gift to those in need
michelle is an excellent instructor
michelle is writing a series of books
michelle is a 3
michelle is reason numero uno for us putting up with dawson's creek's angst filled show
michelle is gaining strength and becoming more dangerous
michelle is still our reality ride leader with 201 points
michelle is cute
michelle is a very outgoing girl and she loves meeting and playing with other children
michelle is an innovative dance educator
michelle is certainly on the
michelle is a gifted communicator who has the ability to entertain young people as she ministers through song
michelle is an animal lover
michelle is devoted to the issues of protecting our country
michelle is flourishing creatively
michelle is incredibly intelligent
michelle is a 20 year old student at the university of melbourne
michelle is a career educator
michelle is truly a legend in ladies' skating
michelle is expected to track slowly up the trough in a northward or north
michelle is featured on mtv's "house of style
michelle is just 21 years of age really
michelle is washington state's oldest winery
michelle is sustaining electrical engineering designs for the international space station
michelle is busy orchestrating eye screenings in illinois and teaching dance to her students at the academy of dance arts
michelle is always striving to achieve
michelle is the only woman to regain a world title twice
michelle is going to be there with david
michelle is born to claire ramsey and ed bauer
michelle is in the 4th grade but is very tall for her age
michelle is general counsel to the arizona association of realtors ®
michelle is easy at my personal artist
michelle is here
michelle is on top of
michelle is on top of world
michelle is
michelle is sitting
michelle is praying
michelle is no good
michelle is feeling the vibe
michelle is a go getter
michelle is a flyer
michelle is hollywood golden girl
michelle is safe and dry
michelle is caught off guard
michelle is front page news
michelle is moving to dallas
michelle is running away…
michelle is clit lesbian unclothed
michelle is freenudepics teenaged
michelle is out of surgery
michelle is dumb
michelle is a mole
michelle is not impressed
michelle is girlgirl transgender
michelle is homepage sexpicturs girles
michelle is the winner of more gold medals than any other female figure skater in the usa and in the world
michelle is on top of world sunday
michelle is sitting with her back to the dressing room wall
michelle is praying that morgan will treat her with tenderness
michelle is a highly underrated comic actress
michelle is a flyer for kilmovee
michelle is developed according to the china national standards
michelle is featured in this weekend's issue of "et on mtv and vh1" which airs frequently
michelle is a sweet little girl who likes to ride bikes
michelle is truly my "brightest shining star
michelle is the only figure skater
michelle is probably the most decorated figure skater in us history
michelle is running away
michelle is her partner eric leupold
michelle is front page news michelle is pretty michelle is the yummy girl michelle is
michelle is the regional account manager responsible for sales in scotland
michelle is that michelle is a girl and tiger is a boy
michelle is a "true" actress
michelle is a writer
michelle is an entrepreneur who has created and operated several successful business ventures
michelle is on the telescope and will remain there until 30
michelle is sooooo pretty
michelle is forever
michelle is a youngster too
michelle is so many things she is so talented and always knows where she is going and follows her heart
michelle is the youngest of eight in the palmisano family
michelle is responsible for 5 for kids reports that air every monday
michelle is already a legend
michelle is wise beyond her eighteen years
michelle is involved with numerous community volunteer efforts
michelle is gaining strength and becoming more dangerous
michelle is my role model she is the bomb
michelle is active and involved in numerous activities
michelle is like having another “me” to run with the ball when there just isn’t enough of “me” to go around
michelle is not impressed' from
michelle is a real estate agent that is known in the community of york for their dedicated client service
michelle is a graphic artist who likes bands like scratch acid
michelle is a dangerous thing
michelle is a ccai member
michelle is currently undertaking a double business degree which continues our ongoing professional development
michelle is a very outgoing girl and she loves meeting and playing with other children
michelle is saved by the starving bacteria stacy and paul chance are referred to the genetics center because their newborn
michelle is? no problem
michelle is washington state's oldest winery
michelle is a gifted communicator who has the ability to entertain young people as she ministers through song
michelle is acutely aware of the stress that the criminal trial process can cause
michelle is an adorable twenty inch
michelle is cute
michelle is sitting on her bed daydreaming
michelle is classically trained
michelle is sustaining electrical engineering designs for the international space station
michelle is smokin'
michelle is moving toward the northeast near 13 mph
michelle is general counsel to the arizona association of realtors ®
michelle is hot
michelle is intensely proud of the integrity and individuality of her business
michelle is wearing the default
michelle is busy orchestrating eye screenings in illinois and teaching dance to her students at the academy of dance arts
michelle is also responsible for the creation and production of an exciting new jazz series at the
michelle is devoted to the issues of protecting our country
michelle is always striving to achieve
michelle is a 3
michelle is reason numero uno for us putting up with dawson's creek's angst filled show
michelle is a true gift to those in need
michelle is a committed supporter of oxfam's campaigns
michelle is the great
michelle is truly a legend in ladies' skating
michelle is incredibly intelligent

10.02.2005 bonus

a thingy I found:

meme stolen from monique at everything in its right place

the Rules:

Go into your archive.

Find your 23rd post (or closest to).

Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).

Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

"I'm hoping that her more cosmopolitan friends at school don't out me to her during lunch. "

10.02.2005

Well good morning!

In an effort to completely waste the six hours I have off this morning, I have done pretty much nothing. I did pack up all my dirty laundry and headed off to the laundromat, only to find it completely packed. I turned right around, stopped at BK for some breakfast coffee, then came back to the hotel. I got to sleep until 830 this morning and it was loverly. Most people wanted the afternoons off, but not me baby....I am all about sleeping in! I'll get up a little early tomorrow and go drop off all the dirty clothes for someone else to wash.

Work is still work. We entered a bunch of tickets and then went shopping at wallyworld for a new printer. While we were there, I picked up some things to nuke for dinner, though I'll have to take them into work to do that since I don't have a microwave here in the room. I probably should have just gotten stuff to make sammiches since there is that whole "no ability to cook here in the hotel" thing going on.

Looks like I'm here for two months now. I should be getting a weekend off in the middle of October to go home for a few days. I'm really looking forward to seeing John and Crash again. I miss sleeping in my own bed with my husband and cats. I'll take a bunch of stuff home that I don't really need here, and bring a few things back that I don't have with me, like the correct cord to update my iPod!

I'm going to go wallow in the bath for an hour before work. Hope you all are having a great weekend!

09.27.2005

So then this happened...

I'm sure you all heard about the next hurricane to blow around down here. Rita I think her name was? Yeah, quite bitchy she was.

Our temporary office was flooded. As in I had to go put on boots and everything to go in there and try to salvage what we'd moved to the front of the office to make sure it didn't get wet. There were two power supplies that got ruined (not mine, thankfully!) and a whole lot of paperwork and shirts that got trashed. We were basically homeless office workers.

We all went in, got out what we could, and loaded up our cars with wet boxes. The boss asked who was at the HIEX, and since that was me, my room became the internet hub for two days. We also borrowed some table space from one of our contractors so that we could still enter our tickets.

Today we got a new office. It is actually quite nice and we're trying not to tell the other EROs (emergency regional offices) so that they don't get jealous. We're in a lawyer's office and we've all got plenty of space. The phone lines are a little wonky and we can't figure out how to fax yet, but there is a copy machine and plenty of big tables for us to use. We're no longer trying to cram four people into the space of one. Hopefully they'll have the internet connection to that office up and running tomorrow, because I can't send any backbite mail from the hotel room.

After work tonight I went and bought a small cube-sized fridge. It was only $50 and it will be nice to have cold bottled water again. It is small enough to fit in the car and for me to carry it, so I'll take it home with me or sell it before I leave.

I am exhausted and going to go shower then fall into bed.

09.25.2005

I'm afraid I'll start sounding like a loop: "Today I entered tickets for twelve hours, then came back to the hotel and entered tickets for another two hours."

That really is what is going on, and it isn't like a whole bunch of exciting things happen to you while you are glued to a keyboard for the majority of your day. I did dodge a bunch of bugs when I was outside talking on the phone to my parents.

We almost had half a day off but then that ended up not working out. We still have to ensure that we can support the contractors, and we are just barely doing that right now with two admin people. Unless we get another admin person to help out, we are not going to get the 6 hours off a week.

I did laundry last night. I parked right in front of the room where they have treadmills, and noticed there was a washer and dryer. I went in, no clothes in the washer, so I ran down to my room and gathered up all my socks, undies, white shirts and a light pair of jeans and took them all down to be washed. When I went to put them all in the dryer, that's when I noticed that somebody had flipped back the "Out of order" sign that was on the dryer. It heats up but doesn't turn the drum. Yeah...that's just great! I now have socks hanging off of the front of my dresser, underwear being held over the AC with bottles of water, damp shirts and jeans hanging up by the bathroom. I'm hoping they dry in the next day or so, and maybe I'll go to wallyworld to get a drying rack or something.

At least my room smells like clean laundry now :)

09.24.2005

Good morning.

I had to drive to Jackson yesterday to exchange my rental car. The vents in the old one stopped working. I only had AC in the defrost vents, and when it is raining outside? Not so safe, trust me on this.

Almost ready for work this morning. Worked until like 1030 last night putting tickets into the database. I was finally sitting at the table here in the room, a pillow on my lap and the wireless keyboard on top of it. When even that was uncomfortable I just gave up and called it a night. Thank goodness for massaging showers, since I stood there and let it beat on my arm for a good long while this morning.

Daddy, I tried calling you for a few hours yesterday and wasn't able to get through. I hope you guys are all OK and weathering the storm well. Please email me when you get a chance.

I'm off to work...

09.22.2005

Hooray for internet in my room now!

I changed hotels. When the HI Express had an opening I snapped that puppy up and quick. Much nicer and no bugs! No fridge and microwave, but I've got a coffee maker. It is all about the trade-offs I suppose.

I have no idea when I'm going home now. We're hearing that we're going to be extended here for at least 30 days, perhaps 60. I called John and had him cancel the vacation. Thank goodness I purchased the vacation insurance! I'm hoping that the cost of the insurance is all I'll lose. Figuring out if the park tickets and such were refundable was a little sketchy, but hopefully they'll be nice and give it all back.

We're still working 12 hour days, but tonight I'm not entering more tickets here in the room. Well, I might after I post this, but the bed is looking mighty inviting and I might just go to bed.

The rains have already started down here. I suppose I should dig out the rain jacket for the next few days. I dread wearing it, since it is so damn hot, but I'd rather not try pretending that I'm in a wet work shirt contest.

I have to call the car rental place and try to get a new car. The damn vents in mine don't work! This will not do, not when the temps are in the 90s and the heat index is over 100. I can get AC through the defrost vents, but that's about it. Great, my forehead is nice and cool while the rest of me melts.

I think I'm going to go to sleep. Stay safe everyone!

09.21.2005

I am exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted. And I'm doing paperwork all day, which you wouldn't think would make one so tired, but you try sitting in an office with no air conditioning, typing information into Access for 12 hours a day. Besides feeling like I’m going to go blind, I have no desire to EVER to data entry as a job. Ever.

I'm in Southern Mississippi, for those playing along with the home game. I'm working at a regional staging area where we take and dispose of debris from the storm.

I am hot, sweaty and mostly not cranky, if you can believe it. We're so busy that the day really does fly by and before I realize it, we're packing up to go back to the hotel. I have been bringing work home and doing an additional two hours or so of work once I get back. It isn't so bad, especially since I can sit in the hotel room with the AC blasting on high.

A little less than three weeks until it is time to go home. At this point, I just hope I get the office all caught up on the paperwork before I go.

These guys are working hard, being outside in the sun for 12+ hours per day. They deserve every penny they are making, trust me.

I'm going to bed and will post this when I get to work tomorrow. We have internet there but not here at the hotel.

I'll wait and tell you the horrors of the hotel tomorrow night if my hands haven't fallen off by then.

*written 09-20-2005 at about 930pm*

09.16.2005

I'm all packed I think. I have jeans, red shirts, steel toe boots, rain gear, safety glasses, a hard hat, shower stuff, and enough underwear for almost two weeks. I have a case and a half of water, protein shakes, some snack crackers, and a map.

I'll be back some time on the 6th of October.

09.11.2005

I had to go into work this afternoon to finish up some work. On Friday I had thrown my name into the hat for going down south to help out one of our staging areas. While I was at work this afternoon I got the email that I'd been selected. Not sure exactly what day I'll be leaving, but it will be this week for sure. I'll be home on the 6th of October.

We had a nice time in Nashville and I'm looking forward to going back and spending more time. There is a lot to do and only so many places we could go in the evening with teenagers in tow.

Not sure if I'll be taking the computer, though there is supposedly a free wi-fi spot not far from where I'll be. Might be nice to have it for email and pictures.

I'll try and update again before I go.

09.02.2005

I've been glued to the TV for the past few days, watching the horrors that are happening in New Orleans.

I watch and keep thinking, "I was just there, I remember that!" and then, sadly, thinking "It is gone now".

I have pictures from my trip here.

I remember walking through the city my last morning there. All alone, just out to take pictures and enjoy all the beauty. Seeing such a beautiful place there is always the "...what if I could live here..." fantasy. I honestly can't even begin to imagine what it is like to know that everything you have is just gone.

When the call came out at work for people to volunteer for helping with the hurricane damage, you know I was one of the first. For now we've been told that they can't really use us, but we're still on the list for now. It would be a 30 day deployment and we're already getting briefed on the things we'll need to know if we do end up going.

I'm at a loss. Such a beautiful place has become a living hell on earth.

For everyone who has emailed about my dad, they are just fine. They were far enough west that they didn't sustain damage or have to evacuate. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts.

We're off to Nashville for the weekend to visit friends. Have a safe and fun holiday weekend.

*edited to add link that I forgot the first time around*

08.23.2005

Let's see how fast I can type all this, because you just know I can't miss the beginning of Big Brother to find out what lovely catfights are going to happen now that Beau is HOH, right?!!

So Vegas...

Yes, we did indeed go, but I have very little proof of alleged trip. I didn't take one damn picture of John and I. I know, and I was all excited about taking strange pictures and whatnot. Who knew that if you were actually WINNING money, you are less likely to pull out the camera, since that would kill some time and you might not be winning as much/fast. Now before you think that we came home with a bazillion rolls of quarters or enough money to retire, please note that we pretty much came home with the money that we left with. I figure that as a win, since we were highly entertained for four days and my bank card wasn't in tears and refusing to leave my wallet. I learned many things in Vegas:

- When asked how long you are in town for, the correct answers are either "We live here, bye!" or "We're on our way to the airport right this very minute and don't have time to speak with you, bye!!" Really, trust me on this and feel free to use them next time you are on Fremont Street.

- There are penny machines all over the place now! And some of them are actually cool. And I don't hate the whole "ticket in/ticket out" thing like I thought I would, especially when I cashed up about $70.

- You can get very dehydrated and cranky in a short amount of time. Especially if you've handed off the driving duties to your husband and spent the day drinking beer. Lots of beer. And limes are NOT hydrating, I don't care what you've heard!

- You can score a new House of Blues shirt from your husband by doing the following: Make sure you throw away the lid to his iced coffee "on accident". Help him make a new iced coffee that fills the cup to the brim. Take off walking through the swanky Mandalay Bay casino. Stop to admire something. Stand around looking bored/lost/confused for a second. Make your husband think you are going to walk straight ahead. Make a quick left turn right in front of him, and make sure that he's holding his coffee in his right hand. Now this is very important...you MUST be wearing a white t-shirt! Once said coffee has deposited itself both down your front and back, as well as entered your ear, you are now primed for a new shirt. A bonus is walking into the women's restroom and having a woman give you a horrified look and yelp, "Good God, what happened to you!!??" While you are trying to twist a paper towel into a q-tip, your husband can be off at the House of Blues gift shop buying you a new shirt. Really. It works. Trust me.

- Find out that you will cry when your friends get married. It was incredibly romantic and sweet. Decide right then and there that you yourself NEED a wedding. Decide that it should take place in 2007. This is your advance notice family...Vegas, November 1st (Day of the Dead!!! WHEEE!), 2007. I haven't decided where, all I know is that a tux and wedding dress WILL be involved. We'll have been together for 21 years in 2007. Vegas is just fitting.

- I also learned that I have no shame in trying to save the center seat on a Southwest Airlines flight. We were packed into our row on our way to Vegas, which I suppose is to be expected. When I heard the words, "...fairly full flight..." come over the intercom, I instructed John to move to the aisle seat quickly and to NOT make eye contact with anyone. I set our purchased meal (Burger King if you must know) on the middle seat and suddenly became very interested in the SkyMall catalog. It ended up working and we had the row to ourselves.

So there you have it. No pictures for you. Another trip is already in the planning stages for the girls. We need a chance to go be the party girls that we are.

We're heading to Nashville for Labor Day weekend. I get to spend time with friends from high school and I can't wait! We're taking Crash with us, mainly because we're not feeble-minded enough to leave her home alone, no matter how mature she tells us that she is.

I'm in the starting stages of planning a trip for Crash and I in October to Orlando. She wants to hit Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios so I'm holding that over her head in exchange for good grades (meaning no grades below a C). She had better be getting great grades for what this trip is going to cost me! I'm already up to almost $2K, but that is including park line passes and one VIP tour for the haunted houses. I'll keep you all updated on how the plans are coming along. I've already threatened her that I'll take all the money and go back to Vegas with John if she isn't doing well.

08.10.2005

In casa you haven't seen already, there are some new pictures up in the gallery. The comments alone should be reason enough to click on each picture!

Not a lot going on. Had to get Crash ready for school again. So far so good, but then again we're only in the first week. We're keeping our fingers crossed.

Finishing up the laundry tonight so that all the clothes we're taking to Vegas are clean and ready to be packed in the morning. Looks like we'll be able to get away with not checking a suitcase, so that is good. I'm sure we'll look like a sweet old married couple, our matching suitcases...pink for me, blue for him. We'll try not to dress in matching outfits this weekend, don't worry.

I went and had a pedicure and manicure last weekend. I always wonder why I wait so long in between getting them. Since I got a full set of fakes, I'll need to go back every two weeks, so maybe I'll maintan the adorable toes I have now.

Crash is off to gran's house for the weekend. Don't get any funny ideas about breaking into the house or anything. We have killer cats, remember?

See everyone next week!

07.24.2005

I am glad today is over. Or almost over, since I'll be heading to bed soon after I update here.

We spent most of the day helping John's little sister pack and move some things to her new house. It is quite the cute little house and I'm sure she'll be making it a cozy home for her and the boys in short order. John will go over later this week to switch out some ceiling fans and light fixtures for her.

John's mom just called to let me know that my niece broke two bones in her arm, the part between the wrist and elbow. I'm sure if I'd have gotten a better grade in Biology or something I could tell you the names of the bones...but uh that didn't happen, so my description will have to do.

I guess she was helping out at the nursery at church and was holding a fussy baby. She got up to walk around with the baby and tripped over a toy. In her effort to protect the child she didn't protect herself. I guess she's pretty doped up at the hospital right now. They are waiting for the orthopedic surgeon to get out or surgery so that they can set her arm in a splint. From what I gathered from the phone call, she's on her second shot of drugs to make her sleep, so hopefully she won't even remember the splinting part.

I quickly assured my mother in law that of the three people in this portion of the family, two are already in bed. No injuries here, at least not tonight!

I'm off to switch out some laundry and head to bed. Hope everyone had a great weekend and was able to keep cool!

07.18.2005

Wow. What a great weekend!

Michelle and Les were here, everyone was comfortable and talked non-stop! We ate lots of good food, had many good drinks and hours of great conversations. Of course, we realized as I took Michelle to the airport this morning that nobody took one damn picture the entire time. Yeah, we're smooth like that!

Crash's birthday was a big hit. We had lots of family here and one of her aunts was nice enough to buy her the new Harry Potter book. I finished reading it today so that I could give it back to Crash to read. I won't put any spoilers here or anything...but uh wow. I loved it and I'm already dying to read the 7th book.

I think we're all going to bed early tonight. John is already asleep, Crash is already in the shower and I'm sitting on the couch fading fast.

07.14.2005 part deux

So uh yeah, that happened.

I was on the way home from the grocery store with John and told him how frustrated I am. It seems like every time we start saving up a little money, something else happens that costs us. We've got an orthodontist payment, the other half of his college class and now an insurance distater to pay this month. We've got a trip to Vegas next month that so far has hotel and flights paid for. I would prefer NOT to just spend the entire weekend sitting in the room doing nothing because we don't have much money. I'm sure we'll save a bit up before then, but still...so frustrating.

So Crash is cleaning house right now. I'm trying to get her to understand that she totally owes us $850 in hard labor now. She isn't too keen on her new name but hell, she deserves it! I am almost scared to have her out on the roads. She obviously has dyslexic feet!

So other than a crashed car, not a lot going on here. Getting the house ready for the guest invasion this weekend. Les and Michelle will be here tomorrow and then John's family is coming over on Saturday for birthdays. My fridge is close to overflowing and I still have a few more things to buy tomorrow. The last trip to Costco is always fun, isn't it? At least I can just buy bags of ice all weekend to keep the beers and sodas cold. By this time tomorrow night I will be sitting on my front porch with my bestest friends, dishing dirt, talking trash and drinking drinks. I can't wait!

07.14.2005

There are just no words.

07.09.2005

I'm feeling much better, thank you.

Work this week was pretty hectic, but that was to be expected after being gone for a week. When you are low man on the totem pole, you don't really have anyone else to do things for you. I got all caught up though, so it is all good.

We're working on the porch again today. John needs to clean out the gutters above that area as well as closing up the rest of the seams. We still occasionally get a bit of water in there when it rains hard. Since I'd like to insulate the walls and start paiting, it is pretty important that we get it all sealed from the outside. This is also vital to getting done today since we seem to be in the possible path of hurricane Dennis. I know we aren't that close to the coast so we won't get nearly the damage that they will, but it will still dump a bunch of rain on us and possibly blow some stuff around up here. Better safe (and dry!) than sorry!

I'm totally psyched about Michelle and Les coming out next weekend. She's flying in on Friday afternoon and I don't think I'll let her sober up until about 4am Monday morning when we take her back to the airport. I've missed our weekly Porch Night sessions. Now we'll have a porch with air conditioning and no mosquitoes!

I should finish getting dressed and go out to help John. We do need to get the outside done while it is still nice today. He also needs to get the grass cut, so I suppose some more help would be good.

Everyone have a great weekend...maybe I'll be back tomorrow with pictures of all our hard work!

06.30.2005

I am completely burned out. Utterly and unquestionably burned the fuck OUT.

Never again will I agree to spend 12 hours a day with someone so fucking hateful that I actually dreamt of gouging out her eyes and tongue with a spork. I honestly wish I was kidding about that last sentence.

I have been insulted, spoken to like I was an incompetent child, ignored, belittled in front of others, and, in general, just treated like I was pretty much scum. For. Twleve. Hours. A. Day.

Tonight I volunteered to sit in the hospitality suite we sponsored only because she was going out to dinner with the group. I figured that a few hours where I knew she wouldn't be might be good for my soul. It helped a bit. The beer I'm drinking now is helping even more.

I'm pretty bummed that I didn't get to go out and take lots of pictures but perhaps I'll finish packing tonight and go out to do that in the morning. I don't think my shuttle is coming until about 10am so I should have plenty of time if I wake up early.

I treated myself to a Lush shopping spree. I must give a huge shout-out to the wonderful clerks at the New Orleans Lush store. It was about two minutes until closing time and they let me come in and browse around smelling things for as long as I wanted. I got lots of great smelling soaps and shampoos and conditioners. If nothing more, my luggage is going to be the best smelling luggage down in baggage hold.

I went to Mulate's last night for dinner. I had the boudin for an appetizer and a bowl of Zydeco gumbo as the entree. I was in cajun food heaven! To add to such greatness, there was a zydeco/cajun band playing while we ate. If I hadn't been in such a rush to get to the Lush store I might have stuck around longer just to listen to them play.

I am tired and finally beginning to be less cranky. I can't wait to get home to my own bed, my own pillows and my own family. It has been a good trip, save for 12 hours a day. I'll have to get John to drive down with me some long weekend so that we can just hang out and have a good time.

06.27.2005

duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nah "You say it's your birthday!" duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nah "It's my birthday to, yeah!"

So uh yeah, I am almost officially "old" today. 39.

I'm sitting here on the 23rd floor of the Wyndham in New Orleans, looking out over the French Quarter. Not a bad way to spend your birthday evening, that is for sure.

I got a wonderful present from my boss and co-workers. They got me iPod socks! I already love them and have looked around for other things I can slip the socks on. So far I have socked the iPod, two Atkins bars and the camera.

I had a great birthday weekend at my dad's house. It was so nice seeing him and Eileen again. I really need to try and get down here more often. I loved standing outside and just listening. It is sorta funny, but I was out there last night looking at his lights and I kept thinking, "This is just how it sounds on one of those Disney rides...the log ride I think." We went driving around Lake Martin and saw a few gators and lots of birds. I took quite a few pictures and will get them posted later this week. I had to stop at Wallyworld for a gym bag so that my suitcase won't be overweight on the trip home. I also needed to be able to bring home the presents they bought me. Once I am home and get them arranged, I'll take some pictures.

Tonight for dinner we went to the Acme Oyster House. Yes, I had six raw oysters on the half shell and loved every one of them! I swear, I remember now why I hate going to dinner with about 10 people on one check. People just can't add, don't remember how much they really ordered and it is always short on cash. Then nobody wants to go to the same place, so I just started walking to where I wanted to go and everyone followed. I can't help it if Marie Laveau's Voodoo shop wasn't on their top ten list of places to go. They are all big boys and girls and can find their way back to the hotel, right? I finally walked off with one of the other engineers since we both wanted to stop at the Hard Rock to get a shot glass. I made some people in the elevator laugh when someone was telling me to call them in their room as the elevator doors were closing and I laughed and said, "Yeah, that'll happen!"

I really should be getting to sleep. Since I only took the disposable camera with me this evening on my walk, I don't have any good French Quarter pictures to share yet. I promise, tomorrow I will escape from the "mixer" early and head out to shoot some pictures. I think I will try and find K Paul's place to eat, since I would like some boudin. So far that is the only place people have mentioned when I've said that is what I'm looking for. Must be good, right?

06.18.2005

I guess it is time for the weekly update, huh?

As usual, not a whole lot going on. We had to take Oliver to the vet last weekend because one of his fangs was in the process of falling out and he couldn't close his mouth properly. Do you know how much cats drool? A LOT! Anyway, we took him in and they scheduled him for dental surgery on Monday. Of course, on Sunday night while giving him his last dose of anti-biotics before surgery we discovered that the tooth was completely missing. I would imagine that like a child, he was eating and it just finished falling out. He wasn't acting like he was in pain so we didn't worry too much. I still took him in the next morning so that they could knock him out and clean his teeth anyway. The difference is amazing.

The Child is still going to summer school and we're going to go ahead and put her in the second session. That means she'll only be a half credit behind most of her peers. She's doing pretty good but still thinks it is the most boring thing in the world, being in the same class for eight hours a day. She wants to get a job once the second session is done. John and I talked about it for a bit and we both think that we should wait until she gets her first report card, just so that we know she can handle all her classes. I've also offered up a major bribe of going to Orlando for a week in October if her grades are good enough. She was pretty psyched about that since they have the haunted house things at most of the parks.

Right now she's outside washing my car, inside and out. I think once she is done, I'll take her driving for a little bit. She's been studying the driving manual so that she can take the written test at the end of the summer.

When the hell did that happen? When did I get old enough to have a child old enough to get a driving permit??!!

My bestest friend Michelle is coming to visit next month. I can't wait until we've got time to just sit around on the porch, drinking and talking for hours like we did last summer. It will make up for her having to bow out of Vegas, which we've just barely been able to swing financially. I'm sure it'll be better in a month or so and we'll have money to spend but right now with vet bills and summer school classes and John's college class...well life is damned expensive!

I'm going to go check out the Child's work on the car. It will be nice to have a clean car finally!

06.10.2005

I thought this was interesting. This is a map of all the places I've been in the US. If you are paying attention, you'll see that most major interstates run through those states. No, I have no desire to drive them again!

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

I need to get out more I think, especially in the NE.

Other than that, not a lot going on. Very glad it is Friday.

06.03.2005

Since people email me asking if I am OK, and other people message me accusing me of "hiding something" since I'm not updating much, I thought I should update.

The Child is in summer school. $300 later (with another $300 due at the end of this month!) and much moaning and bitching, she's enrolled and doing the work needed to catch up on her school credits. No, I don't feel sorry for her. We tried to tell her from the beginning of the school year in WA that she needed to just buckle down and do the work. She chose not to and now we chose to put her ass in school all summer. I think it is a fair deal all the way around...well except for the whole $600 thing, but still. Yes, we're expecting A's. She desperately needs them to bring up her GPA going into next year. Yes, I will go all Dr Phil on her ass again should anything drop below a C from now on. No, she won't be allowed to get her driver's license if she's not doing well in school.

John is doing great at work. He likes the job and the people that he works with. Last Friday we both went to get our AL driver's licenses. I was >< that close from getting pretty damned snippy with the worker until John told them we'd both had an AL license before. Evidently you now must have a birth certificate to get a license. Even if you have another driver's license, a government issued ID card with your SSN on it AND a current passport. No, that isn't enough ID, you must also show a slip of paper with no photo. I know, I don't get it either. The other really bad part of that whole deal was the line. The office closes at noon for lunch, reopening at 1230. People started lining up before 1130 and one poor kid had been there since 9am. If you aren't in line to get a number then you won't get seen. Just having a number means that you MIGHT get seen, especially if your number is 25 or lower. Thankfully we were numbers 6 and 7. John decided to go ahead and get the endorsement for motorcycles while he was there, so he had to take a test. I did not have to take a test but I did have to be a little bitchy. I guess "down here", women drop their middle names when they get married and then use their maiden name as their middle name. While that might be all well and good, I don't use my maiden name for anything and haven't since I got married. The woman was nice enough to tell me that my maiden name was still listed on there when I asked. When I said I didn't want it on there, that it only confuses people she couldn't seem to grasp why. Finally I just said, "Look, I'm not FROM here and obviously I've never followed that custom. Having my maiden name on a driver's license when I never use that name just confuses people. Please remove it." She finally agreed and I am happy to report that my name appears as I normally sign it. I figure my parents gave me my middle name for a reason and damnit, I like it!

How do you get a male cat to stop spraying in the house? Oliver seems to have started spraying things in the house. The latest casualty of this odd behavior is John's work shoes. Yes, Oliver is still alive, but only because John was going to be late for work if he stopped to kill him. He's never done this in all the time we've had him so we don't understand what would make him start now. If you have any ideas on why he started and how we can get him to stop please drop me an email. We're at our wits end and sick of it.

There are a few more pictures up of the saltwater tank. I got a great picture of one of the cleaner shrimp. We're pretty happy with how it looks so far but I think we'll be waiting until after we hit Vegas to buy anything else big for it.

It is Friday afternoon. John and the Child are at his mom's house building a dog fence. It is quiet here in the house and I'm going to go take a few minutes to enjoy it. Have a nice weekend everyone!

05.29.2005

I know...a month. I swear, nothing too major is going on.

So, this past month, the following has happened:

- The Child failed miserably at school.

- The Child was enrolled in summer school, much to her dismay.

She is going to the first session for sure, and possibly the second as well, though if she goes to that one she can't go on the summer trip with the church. We haven't decided yet. I am hoping that 8 hours a day of one subject will be enough to make her not fail another class again.

We did her hair a few weeks ago. It is QUITE red from the henna. There is a pciture of the back of her head in the gallery.

There are also some pictures of the saltwater tank. We finally decided on a place to put it and got it filled. As of now there is about 60 pounds of rock, about 11 small hermit crabs and about 11 snails. We're hoping to get a pair of yellow-headed gobi this week.

We had a leak just after the water meter. We had to dig up the center part of the driveway to find it. The mushrooms growing there were a big clue that something wasn't right. Total time? About 3.5 hours. Total cost to repair? $3.75 and a sore back.

We had a hot tub given to us. Free fit so nicely into our budget that we went and picked it up. After setting it up, John has discovered that we should replace a few switches (pressure switch, hi/low switch, etc) as well as getting a new heating element. He also thinks that the air blowing motor froze up for some reason, so he'll be taking that off later today to check it out. Even if we have to replace all of those things, it won't be one tenth the cost of even buying a used spa.

It is Memorial Day weekend. While you are spending your three-day weekend doing whatever it is you are doing, please take a few moments to remember those that died while in service to this country. I'm going to memorialize John's service by letting him go look at Harleys. :)

05.01.2005

Another Sunday...another update.

There are more pictures up in the gallery. Freshly uploaded this afternoon.

The past week was nice and uneventful. I got roses for being an admin, more flowers are blooming in my garden, oh, and the child ran my car into a fence!

I totally didn't believe them when they came home and told me last weekend. It wasn't until I stood up and looked outside that it hit me....holy cow, they weren't playing a joke on me! It is scratched pretty bad but nothing worse than that. She felt horrible and washed the car that afternoon for me. Not surprisingly, there was no driving lesson this weekend.

Not lots going on other than the car. Work is going great, John's work is going great, the Child seems to be doing great...even the cats are doing great.

A little shopping, a little cleaning, a lot of laundry...

04.23.2005 part deux

We went shopping! There are a bunch more photos uploaded since this morning. I have a new peach tree!

4.23.2005

Another Saturday, another update I suppose!

So yesterday was our first forray into the world of "real" health insurance. I've got a federal insurance plan and John's got his retirement Tricare plan. It should NOT be hard to find an urgent care place to take the Child, right? Wrongo, buddy! The first place we went knew up front that I have my plan, John has his and we're all covered under both. After making me wait an hour, they told me that the doctor on staff isn't in my insurance network, that they can't even guarantee that the claim would be paid and I should just pay up front. They seemed insulted when I just grabbed my purse and stated that I would find someplace else to take my child.

I came home, called my health plan and spoke to a very nice woman. She said there were two clinics in the network, and since I'd had the bad experience at one I should go to the other. I called the other clinic just to be sure they had someone on staff that was in my health network. They did so we were back out the door. We were in and out of the other clinic within 45 minutes, to include all the paperwork, one phone call to the toll-free number (I don't have my cards yet) and seeing the doctor and nurse. I didn't think they took John's plan so I stopped to pay the $10 co-pay when we were done. Turns out they do take his plan and it cost me nothing.

One more phone call on the way home to find out where I could take her prescriptions. Wa1greens doesn't like to believe you when you tell them that you really DO have a health plan that covers prescriptions, so we got them under John's plan. $18 and one very strange name incident later, we were done and home. Turns out the pharmacist has the same first and middle name as the Child. Both names spelled exactly the same and everything. Very strange. We rarely even meet someone with the same first name, and her middle name is spelled a little strange. It was pretty weird and funny at the same time.

So that is done, the Child is medicated and already feeling a lot better. I'm not quite sure how I feel about the whole insurance thing but it did end up working like it should in the long run. Basically we shouldn't have to pay a dime when we go to the doctor. That is why we have both plans. Eventually the drugs will cost less as well, just need to get the stupid cards in the mail!

This morning was fun. John was making breakfast and I was sipping my coffee in the kitchen. I walked over to the back door to look at all the plants outside. John walked over and all of a sudden we notice a cat that looks a LOT like Oliver. Now, we've seen a few orange tabbys in our yard but this was too strange. John walked out and caught the cat and it turns out it is Oliver. He brought him inside and put him down. As he's brushing the dirt off his shoes and pants (he had to dive into the flower bed to get him), I walked to the front of the house to make sure the front door to the porch was closed. Turns out it wasn't and he'd gone right back outside. We closed the door and took a count of the number of cats in the house. Number we should have: 3. Number we found: 0. So all three cats are outside now. Have I mentioned that none of our cats get to go outside? Ever?

The Child put on some shoes and pretty quickly got Oliver back inside. A few minutes later Spazz was at the front door crying to get back in. That left one little bitch still outside. Child was pretty upset, worrying that her cat had gone across the busy streets or something. She decided to do one more trip around our house and the neighbor's house. She found Kea trapped on the screen porch next door. Silly cat had gotten the door to open to go in but couldn't figure out how to get back out.

All three cats are now back inside and none the worse for wear. We'll be checking the front porch door more often to make sure it latches all the way closed from now on.

We're off to do a little shopping, a little gardening, perhaps a nice lunch out. First, I need to shower and upload some flower pictures in the gallery.

04.16.2005

So as you can see from the photo gallery I linked to last time, I did get an iPod. George the Wonder Pod was born last Saturday and we've been in love ever since. This morning I spent some time figuring out podcasts and finding a few that I might like to listen to on a regular basis.

We're planning a trip to Vegas in August! A good friend of mine is getting married there and so I've corralled Michelle and Les into the mix as well. I think it will be perfect...the four of us in Vegas with no kids! Hopefully we can find some good hotel deals since it will be hotter than hell and most people don't seem to hit Vegas in August when the heat is at it's peak. I figure cars and hotels are air conditioned, so I could care less. If you plan it right, you can practically go from hotel to hotel without being outside much.

We got a new compost bin. I know, please try to keep us reigned in on all the excitement around here! It is one of those giant black tumbler-types that won't gross me out when it needs to be turned. John picked one up for his mom as well, so we're heading over there in a little bit to put it together for her.

Jobs are going well. Child is playing nice with the attitude lately. She's going on a trip with the youth group this summer. 10 whole days without a child in the house! She is practically counting down the days until she can take the test for her learner's permit. I'm trying to stay in denial, but she reminds me all the time. We're thinking of taking her to a school parking lot to let her drive in circles in my car. I don't know if I can be in the car when that is going on, but at least it should be interesting!

Other than that, life is pretty boring around here. I'm spending quality time with George and John is spending quality time with all the power tools out in the garage. He did build a nifty table/bench for the front porch. I needed a place to put plants so that they could get some sun. So far the cats think it is a new place for them to sleep during the day.

I'll try to take some pictures and post them later. He's doing a great job with the yard.

04.10.2005

We've been out and about all day yesterday and today.

New pictures up here.

Have a nice day y'all...we're off to shower and go to a BBQ.

04.09.2005

So I've gotten a few emails about not writing. I'm sorry. It isn't like there is a whole slew of things to write about. The Child got a stomach virus last weekend which she was nice enough to pass on to John and I. I actually missed work on Tuesday, which utterly horrified me since I'd only been there two weeks. Poor John had to do his first day of work after a night of puking. He gets major points for just going in if you ask me.

My little sister is in Vegas this weekend and I wish I was there. My older sister is getting ready to move away from Ohio and really having a hard time with it. I wish I was there as well just to let her know that she's doing the right thing.

John is really enjoying his new job. I'll be enjoying his new paycheck soon. I'm shopping for an Ipod. I was going to go for the mini, but after seeing the cool Bose system my little sister got for hers, I might be sold on the full-size version. I suppose I could always just print some cool skins, right?

I'm going to New Orleans for birthday week. I'm going to go early and spend the weekend with my daddy and step-mom. The rest of the week will be working a conference. I'm cool with that...as long as I'm let loose in the evenings to go eat good food!

In August I'm flying back to WA to visit friends and attend a wedding. I'm totally looking forward to that long weekend! I'm still trying to convince John that it would be prudent of me to rent a convertable just to "test them out" before we buy a new car next year. So far he isn't buying my plan.

Other than that...I swear, there is nothing thrilling going on here. I like it that way now!

03.30.2005

Well let me start off by saying that I feel like an idiot. You'll find out why soon, but trust me...big. idiot.

So on Saturday Chris and Andrea showed up here. I think it goes without saying that I was just beside myself both with nervousness and happiness. Thankfully I was able to speak in complete sentences and at least try and keep a conversation going. It was quite nice having more than an hour to just sit and chat, that is for sure. We spent Saturday evening just talking, and then went to John's mom's house for Easter dinner. It was quite the madhouse with what seemed like a million people. Monday I had to work, but we all had dinner together and then the adults were up pretty late having a few beers and talking.

They left on Tuesday to go meet up with friends in B'ham. Hopefully they will have time to stop back through here on Friday afternoon/evening. Why am I so hopeful about that? Because in the three days they were here, I neglected to take even one damn picture.

I suppose I should just be glad I didn't make an ass out of myself by not talking or something. Still, it would be nice to get a few pictures of the Child and Chris together.

Anyway, the weather is getting nicer, John is closer to starting his new job, the house is all clean, I got to see Chris and meet Andrea, and if needed, I have air conditioning. I don't think I should complain :)

03.25.2005

I got a new toy today. I'm still playing with it and getting to know it. It's name is George. I love him.

Also, I put a few more pictures up in the gallery. You all will be happy to know that picture uploading is now MUCH easier since there is a card reader on the laptop, so I don't have to worry about where the camera dock is, I just pop the card in and grab them. George...he's awesome!

03.20.2005

OK, so obviously when I said "later this weekend" I clearly meant when I get off my ass and download the new pictures to the computer so I can upload them. Not so easy since we've taken to keeping the laptop in the living room and the rest of the stuff is in the office. It might actually happen today though, since we need to finish cleaning up in the office.

We spent yesterday rearranging stuff in the garages so that we could take all the extra boxes out of the guest room. I need to actually use it as a guest room next week and I doubt that my guests would like to be climbing over boxes just to reach the bed. On a plus note, it looks pretty nice in there now! I even got John to run cable into that room, so now there is also a TV and stereo. The Child did laugh at my choice of bedding, telling me that it wasn't very "adult-like" but I love it.

While we were clearing out the boxes, I was also in search of the rope lights we have so I could try to string them up out on the porch. Still haven't found them, so I will have to find alternative lighting for the space. The actual front porch light is just too harsh and bright.

I'm spending the rest of today doing laundry and making sure that I've got a week's worth of clothes clean and ready for the coming week. I'm excited that I finally start working tomorrow. John had an interview last week that sounded promising, so we'll see what comes of it. There are a few other jobs that he's applied for on base that would be nice as well, so we're keeping our fingers crossed. At this point, it would just be nice to have him working days.

I started a bunch of seeds yesterday, so hopefully we'll have nice weather in the next month so I can transplant everything. Since I'm not sure what half the plants are in the yard, I'm not planning a whole bunch of changes until I see what I like and don't like. There are a few things we'll move, mainly so that we've got someplace to plant the veggies. Maybe living in the South now, I'll be able to grow some good veggies?

OK, off to finish laundry and do some ironing. I'll try and post more pictures soon.

03.11.2005

There are some new pictures up in the gallery. You can go directly to them by clicking here.

We've done some more work since I took the pictures, so I'm sure I'll be adding more later this weekend.

John is sleeping now since he has to work this weekend. The Child is still grounded...uber-grounded actually. I don't want to talk about it yet.

I had my appeal hearing this week for unemployment. Should find out next week what the decision is. If they deny it again, I'm not sure if I'll do a second appeal. It is just frustrating feeling like I am a criminal for trying to claim unemployment for a legitimate move. The judge was very nice, so I have a little hope that she'll find in my favor.

Other than that, not a lot going on. Waiting for my packet of paperwork from the personnel office so that I can find out about the new job. Trying to get as much done as possible around here before starting work.

02.05.2005

So we're enclosing the front porch. Hopefully when we are done, we will have a 3-season room and I can kick our smoking habit to the great outdoors. Or the great patio. I took some before pictures this morning while John was at Lowes getting lumber. I need to go take a few more, since he is back at Lowes getting two of the five windows we need. I think we'll be happy if we get one whole wall done tonight.

I grabbed the Child and ran to Target while he was setting up his new tablesaw. We got some funky new sheets for the guest room, four new pillows, a new light for the living room and some new dishtowels. To reward myself for not spending even more money, we got some iced coffees for the ride home.

My back is slowly feeling better. I discovered that Lortab and I don't get along very well. Sure, it kills the pain, but the severe stomach cramps that happen sort of cancel out the painkilling aspect. For the last two days I've only taken the Robaxin and it seems to help. No heavy lifting or quick movements for a while I guess.

I just realized that I don't have any nightstands for the guest room. I'm thinking that for now, I'll just throw some sheets over some of the larger packed boxes and call it a day. I'll figure out something once most of the boxes are gone and I can rearrange things in there. I need to go through the closet and open up some space, or put the hanging rack in that room so that guests can hang stuff up. Right now I have that closet stuffed to the gills.

Well, John should be home soon so I'd better get the pictures taken. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm alive and sorta kicking. A few more weeks and I'll be at work, busy again. I can't wait!

...and then that happened

So John took me to the doctor this morning. Why, you ask? Well, it went like this...

Yesterday we decided that the three of us would go out to dinner. We were all puttering around, getting ready to go. I had pulled on some jeans and a shirt and went looking for some shoes to wear. Oh, there they are, on the rack on the floor in the closet. So I did what any normal person would do...I leaned over to pick them up.

There was no pop, no grinding, nothing...it was just as if someone had flipped on a massive pain switch. I sort of walked my hands up the doorway so that I was doing my best impersonation of someone standing upright. I hobbled slowly out to the living room and let John know that I didn't think I would be joining him and the child for dinner. I took some Aleve and John got me tucked into bed with some pillows under my knees. No, I didn't sleep very well.

This morning, since we had to go on base anyway, we stopped at the medical clinic so that I could see a doctor. I am quite pleased to announce that I have some robaxin, naproxin, and lortab. John took me to lunch so that I could take my pills, then it was nap time!

Let us just be happy that this happened NOW and not the first week of work. I have no idea why it happened and really, whatever flipped that switch needs to just stop it.

I'm going to go take another dose of meds now, so sleep well everyone!

02.25.2005

I just got the phone call. The paperwork that I'd submitted was enough for them to offer me the job. I don't start until March 21st, but still...I'm going to be employed!

Annie

There are people in your life that you'll never forget. The people that I worked with at the shelter in Washington are just those sort of people.

I got an email today letting me know that one of the beloved volunteers at the shelter was killed today. She was killed getting into her car by a woman that was driving way too fast on the street. She was killed having just finished her volunteer shift at the shelter.

I don't have all the details. I don't know everything that happened. I just know that an amazing, caring, wonderful woman is no longer with us.

For almost 52 weeks, every week, Annie would come into the office and ask me how my husband was doing. This happend without fail. She loved to hear if things were going well. She would always ask about him if she'd heard something about the Stryker Brigade in Iraq. It was little things like that show of caring and emotion that helped me so much the year that he was gone.

The morning that he came home on leave, she was working. You would have thought it was her husband that was coming home. She was that happy for me. After he went back, she made a point to count down the weeks with me, growing almost as excited as me as the date grew closer.

Annie, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry that there is one less person in this world willing to commit to helping people in need. I'm sorry that you won't be there when I go back to visit. I'm just really, really sorry.

2.14.2005

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! You look great, did I mention that? Are you working out? You look fabu!

John is sleeping right now, having gotten off work at 6am. I'm in the office trying to be quiet and let him sleep for a few more hours. In a little bit I need to go clean up the kitchen again, maybe start some laundry. I think I will just make a nice dinner for the three of us since I'm sure that all places that serve food will be packed to the gills tonight. I'll just pass on sitting around waiting for an hour to eat. I've got some beautiful steaks from Costco that seem to be a foot thick. I think some nice lobster bisque and a garden salad with some shrimp might also be in order. Sound good?

Can you make a mimosa with crystal light orange juice?

This should be the week I hear about one of the jobs. Please keep the good job vibes coming, OK? I'm going bat-shit crazy sitting around here waiting for someone, anyone, to like me enough to hire me.

OK...I'm off to unload the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen so that I can mess it all up for dinner. I still need to come up with a nice dessert. I have a nice assortment of frozen berries in the freezer, so that is a start I suppose. I hope John wakes up soon so I can take a shower without worrying about waking him up.

Have a wonderful day everyone. My present this year is sleeping in my bed. A great lot better than last year, when I was missing him something fierce. It is the only present I asked for...just to have him home. Of course, I would like to go get my nails done tomorrow...

02.11.2005

So I'm sitting here on the couch, a nice fire in the fireplace, a nice glass of wine. TiVo is recording a show for John to watch tomorrow. WildChild is off for the weekend on a ski trip. The cats are sleeping in their spots around the house. I'd say life is grand.

The interview went very well. Hopefully I'll hear something next week from the personnel office. There are three positions available, so I'm thinking my chances are pretty good.

There are some new pictures in the gallery. We painted the master bath and changed out the light fixture. I've still got some tweaking to do in there...like painting fluffy clouds on the ceiling and the top of the walls on top of the tub surround. John isn't too sure about my grand idea, but I'm sure he'll like it.

Other than that...not a whole lot going on. Life is pretty boring, had a great interview, waiting to hear about the job....drinking a nice glass of merlot.

02.06.2005

I can't believe I forgot to log back in and give the potential good news! I have a job interview on Tuesday!

Pretty much right after I'd finished up with Friday's entry, the phone rang. I almost didn't answer, since it seems like the only people who call here during the day are telemarketers. Anyway, it was the call to go for an interview on Tuesday. The best parts? There is more than one opening AND it will be a panel interview, which I actually prefer. So good job vibes on Tuesday would be great. I'm already tired of doing the housewife thing. I thought I could really enjoy it...but no, not so much. I'm bored, the house is clean, I'm bored, the dishes and laundry are done and I'm really bored. I've always worked, so it is time for me to find a job. Hopefully this one pans out, as it is close to the house, good pay and from the sounds of the people on the telephone, I would enjoy working there.

John is returning the new dremel tool we bought yesterday. He started to use it last night and found out that some thingy is stripped or something. I think they had some of the same type, so hopefully he can just get it replaced.

I got some great light blue paint for my bathroom. It is going to be a very "cabana-like" theme in there. Since the floors are already a sand color, I'm going with beach/sky. I looked at some light fixtures yesterday so that I can remove the giant boob-like light fixture already in there. I'd like something flat that gives off good light. And doesn't look like a giant boob. Yes, there will be clouds on the ceiling. I'll have to take some before and after pictures, since I'm pretty sure we can knock it out in about a day or so, once the ceiling is cleared of all the bumpy crap.

02.04.2005

I think it will be warm enough for me to find a place to wash my car today. Which is a good thing, since there are a million and a half trees around my house with lots of damn birds in them.

My list of things to do today:

- Try to get car washed.
- Stop by Re-Habitat* and look for tiles.
- Stop by Lowes and look for lampshades.
- Stop by Lowes or Home Despot and look for paint for kitchen and bathroom.
- Stop by Target for more coffee syrups.
- Figure out what we're getting John's dad for his birthday.
- Possibly start scraping my bathroom ceiling so I can start painting in there.
- Figure out if I have the energy to scrape in the living room, since it makes a furious mess.
- Remember to look at light fixtures at Lowes.
- Find parts to ceiling fan so we can install it in the living room.

John is off this weekend, so we might rip out the tub in WC's bathroom and change it out. Which means I really do need to go find some tiles. It is supposed to be a nice enough day that we won't freeze our asses off trying to figure out how to a) get old tub out of the bathroom and b) get new tub in the bathroom. Once that is done, I can spend next week putting new tiles on her floor in a black and white check pattern.

I really should get moving. I've had coffee, read email, did my job search (applied for three more jobs this week!) and now it is time to get going.

* - Re-Habitat is a cool store where you can find leftover items used during Habitat for Humanity home building. If you don't need a whole box or bag of this and that, you can go in there and see what they've got. Very good prices and the proceeds go to the parent organization.

02.01.2005

I know. No new updates and whatnot. Whatever. I don't have a life, so get over it already!

John took a job at a plant that manufactures various CD/DVD/VHS movies. No, he isn't doing porn if that is your first question.

I'm pretty torn about the job, as much as it takes a lot of pressure off of me to either find a job or find a way to make WA pay me my DUE unemployment. The job pays about what *I* was making in WA. Personally, I find it humiliating on his behalf. We're still waiting to hear about a few other jobs, but at this point I'm not crossing my fingers. It really sucks to hear that he was the second choice or something for the other jobs that he has applied for.

Speaking of jobs...NO, nothing new on my job front, though I'm looking every single day. I thought that the South was a place of manners. Evidently that does not include searching for jobs, since I haven't even gotten a "fuck off and don't contact us further!" letter or anything.

Today I spent the day (after the requisite job search of course!) being a housewife. This shit is hard people! I had to stop by the bank and get a debit card for John's account, go to BB&B to get a spice rack (where I also splurged on a Misto, which I already love!), stop at Tarjet for some coffee syrup and a few movies, then off to the commissary. In case you were wondering what movies I bought, I got "Ray" and "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle". Shut up, since that movie made me laugh more while John was gone more than any other movie!! Anyway, I went to the store and bought more than enough food for two weeks. Then, to make sure I had enough, I drug the WildChild along to Costco with me to buy more stuff. I must admit that the majority of my purchase was wine, but whatever, right?

So, to recap: John is working in a job that is about four levels beneath him, I'm still looking for a job as well as preparing to fight for my unemployment, the WildChild is still going to school every day, and I have wine.

1.28.2005

So the state denied my unemployment claim. Evidently when your military husband retires, that isn't a good enough reason for them to pay you when you move.

They got the letter from me from when I was locked out of the system, where I'd explained WHY he chose to get out. What I didn't explain was the whole retirement process, etc. So they just denied the benefits. No phone call for clarification, nothing.

This sucks donkeys. Really. I apply for jobs every week and, so far, haven't even gotten a phone call, letter telling me to screw off...nothing. If I go do temp work, I disqualify myself from claiming unemployment by doing intermittent jobs for minimum wage. Do you know how many "clerical" positions were listed in this past Sunday's paper? THREE. Yeah, I applied for them but still haven't heard a word. I have applied for anything I'm even remotely qualified for on base, since hopefully they don't mind that I've been a military wife for the past few decades.

It isn't supposed to be this hard. I'm not supposed to be screwed over yet again for marrying this man and living this life.

1.18.2004

Am I really this grown up?

I have a house people. I'm 38 years old and I have a house. With a foundation and crappy wiring and a sump pump and crappy wiring and a fireplace and crappy wiring and lots of ceiling fans and crappy wiring and did I mention the crappy wiring?

We were installing a ceiling light given to us by my mother in law (the saint!). John had his little gadget thingy that told him if wires were hot or not. This should not be confused with the website of the same name, as a cute 16yo chick standing in my dining room is NOT going to tell me if my overhead light works or not. Anyhow, we commenced trying to install said light. Nothing worked. He would check wires, we would connect the light, he would turn on the breaker and BAM...no light. This happened a few times before we gave up (and he had to leave to pick up the Child from a church-sponsored weekend) and resigned ourselves to darkness in the dining room for another night.

We have wiring in this house that is covered with cloth it is THAT old. There are also newer wires that seemingly don't go anywhere. Not from the overhead light to any switch that we can find nor from the overhead old lighting.

He finally got the light to work if one of the swiches is in one position.

Yeah, we'll eventually be redoing most of the wiring in the house. Did I mention that about 95% of the outlets are not grounded? Yeah...fun times in this household!!!

So I'm still unemployed. I've applied for a bazillion jobs but most people around here seem to operate under the "hey, your resume looks like that of a military wife!" theory and haven't called me back.

I also found out that the state of WA seems to think that it is OK to wait 6 weeks after I start my claim to even think about determining if I am eligible for benefits. Fuckers. No, don't send me a letter telling me such...just wait until I have three hours to sit and play the redial game before telling me that I have at least three more weeks to claim before they will even contact the state of AL to find out if I can claim benefits.

You want to make life easier for military wives? Contact your congressperson and tell them that denying benefits for moving spouses is just wrong.

I've spent the last 19 years following this man around at the whim of the Army. I've been unable to establish retirement accounts with employers or anything of the like, mostly because we don't spend enough time in one place. Evidently, this is all my fault now. Because we bought a house and moved here, I now have to wait more than six weeks (while filing job search claims) to even find out of I am eligible to get unemployment from WA. Yeah...thank you employers. My husband spent 22 years defending this country and getting shitty pay. I spent more than a few moves wondering how we were going to make rent/utilities since I wasn't eligible to even file unemployment. Thank you for recognizing both of our sacrifices. Really...it means the world to us. My mortgage company thanks you, my credit bureau thanks you....but most of all,I'd just like to say FUCK YOU for not spelling this out or not even sending me a letter telling me what was going on.

John has an interview tomorrow. Job vibes are readily accepted!

01.11.2005

There are some more pictures in the "fixing up the house" gallery. We're almost done with the Child's bathroom. We still need to go pick up the old cast iron tub that John's mom isn't going to use as well as a few other things she's giving us (a new window for the kitchen, a small track light for the dining room).

We've just been working around the house and slowly unpacking more boxes every day.

Hate to cut this short but we're going to check breakers now so John can label them. Don't you envy me??

no, not dead

I know, I still need to recap the past few weeks, don't I?

The quick and dirty: We left WA, I was sick. We drove through OR, I was sick. We drove through all kinds of weather in CA, I was sick. We went through AZ, NM, and TX...I was sick. We stopped in Breaux Bridge to see my dad, I was sick. We got home to AL, I was sick. Christmas? Sick. I did a lot of sleeping and even more coughing, but I'm finally starting to feel better and I'm not making people run away in fear when I cough now.

New Years? We were in Breaux Bridge with my dad and Eileen. We ate all kinds of wonderful food. We got the Child to eat alligator and then she stole some of my alligator dinner since she liked it well enough. We went to the Blue Moon and listened to zydeco and cajun music for New Years. We went boating on the bayou. We had a wonderful time and I need to plan another trip to see them when we can spend more time.

The house? Slowly coming together. We're redoing the Child's bathroom as one of her Christmas presents. We painted over the green, scraped and re-mudded the ceiling, and we'll be painting it a dark purple color. We got a cool shower curtain and rugs for in there. We got some clouds window film rather than putting up any blinds or anything. The last thing to do in there will be to have the tub refinished. John thinks we can do it ourselves...I'd rather pay someone to do it so that it looks brand new. We're still talking about that part. :)

We are going to unpack more boxes this morning and perhaps go out and do some yardwork since it is going to be 70 degrees here today. I know...70!!!

There are a bunch more pictures in the gallery that I uploaded this morning.

12.24.2004

I'm still not feeling 100%. I'll wait a few more days before telling you about driving for five days with a fever and severe chest cold. I'll wait a few more days to tell you about how much I'm now hating unpacking boxes.

I've put up some pictures and I'm sure I'll have some more after this weekend. We've got some family things to do tomorrow and Sunday and then next Thursday we're off to my Dad's house again to spend New Years in the bayou :)

Yvette, I hope you are having a very Happy Birthday!!!!! I'll send a card as soon as I can stop coughing :)

Merry Christmas everyone...John and WC should be home from Christmas Eve services soon (I chose not to disturb the whole thing with my involuntary coughing fits!) so I'm going to cut this short and enjoy the rest of the evening with them. I hope Santa brings everyone what they want!

Thank You

In case those of you reading hadn't noticed, I'm a big wuss when it comes to saying goodbye to people. That said, I've chosen this way to let my co-workers know what they mean to me.

Dear LASA Volunteers,

I want you all to know that you have inspired me to find ways to help whatever community I am living in. Your generosity with your time and love will not be a lesson forgotten. To watch a team of volunteers come together every day, every week, every month to keep an office working still floors me even a year later. I've listened to the rude clients, the stressed out parents, the delusional homeless people...all of them. I've listend and watched you all do your jobs with grace, understanding, and love. Thank you all for your kind words, your well wishes, and your lessons.

Dear LASA Staff,

I know this will surprise you all, but just typing out that Dear... line has me in tears. I firmly believe that people come in and out of our lives at the right time. I hope that the job at the shelter was to teach me that you can be far richer by being fulfilled by your job rather than your bank account. I will miss my morning coffee when you come in. I will miss being the "bad one" :) I will miss the words of wisdom when I needed them most.

Most of all? I will miss going to work every day, looking forward to seeing everyone. Never have I had a job where I didn't dread part of going to work. I already miss you all.

With love and respect,
Michelle

Housekeeping

Just a note...no, I have no idea why my comments aren't loading. I do know that I was hit pretty hard by comment spam the other night and I have a feeling the host closed down my comments. Either way, I'm tired of going in and deleting thousands of comments about online poker, xxx-rated sites and comments directing me to buy various drugs. Comments are closed people.

You can click on that little "notes on the wall..." link there to the right and just email me, ok?

I emailed a bunch of people this morning with the latest news and updates on the moving and such. In a nutshell: household goods getting picked up this morning, cats travelling with us in the cars, big concert tonight with The Child and The Boy. Stress level? Off the fucking charts. Tears shed? We won't go there yet.

House in Alabama? Flooded basement with six feet of water. Yeah, we thought that sucked as well. My mother in law (who should be sainted by the end of our move) had the water pumped out, got the sump pump plugged in (which would be WHY it flooded in the first place!) and found out that our home warranty will actually cover the replacement of the water heater that was on the floor of the basement. When we get there we'll be putting all the fans and a dehumidifier down there to prevent any nastys from growing.

Welcome to homeownership!!

12.07.2004

Well so far, nobody has come up with 12 extra hours each day for me. Which sucks really, since there is so much I'd like to get done before next week.

Let's see...

The movers not only packed one of the remotes to the cable box, they also packed my step-mom's birthday present. My house is a maze of boxes right now and will be a million times worse when I roll back home around 9pm tonight.

On a good note, we did get our phone/cable/broadband set up for the 23rd. I'm a little sad that I didn't get the phone number that I'd requested. It would have spelled out ECLIPSE.

I have to go cook chicken breasts now so that I can wash the pans so that they can be packed.

I have so much to say but will wait until I've got more than just a few minutes to sit at the computer....what..about midnight on the 15th?

Lots of new pictures in the gallery. Yes...my liver hates me this week.

and um....wow, that was anti-climactic!

So we went to the retirement ceremony today. There are pictures in the gallery.

I'm not sure what the heck I'm feeling. John is sleeping on the couch. Maybe I'm just too busy to think about it right now? It feels weird. Not so much scary but more of a "wow, we really finished that!" sort of thing.

I've pretty much got plans until we leave and we're slammin' busy at work of course. I need to straighten up the house for the pre-inspection tomorrow. The packers come on Monday. We move into the hotel shortly thereafter.

I thought we had more time!

thank you...thank you

I realized the other day that the year was over. Even though we were lucky and he was home a few weeks early, it didn't hit me until a few days ago....we all survived our year apart. We survived and he's home with us.

Last year I probably wasn't the greatest company to have around. The Child and I got up and went about our normal Thanksgiving day routine, but it all felt so flat...almost pointless. Sure, we had a bunch of great food to eat for days and days, but it just wasn't the same.

This year we aren't cooking. I'm still not sure how we feel about that but we were invited to Michelle's house and decided to take her up on it. In a few weeks we'll have packers and movers swarming all over the house here in the attempt to get us all moved. It just made sense to not be cooking a week before that happens.

I have family that we love and miss horribly. We have a house that we're going to be able to live in soon. We have a child that, for the most part, is a pretty good kid. We have good friends who we are going to miss horribly when we leave here. I have a husband who is, right this very second, snoring on the couch. What sweet noise after a year of silence...and for that, I am thankful.

30-some days left

We're still in "holy shit, we're moving soon!!!" mode. For example, this morning we pulled out the washer, dryer and fridge so we could clean the floors underneath. People, this is not something I suggest you put off for two years. Really. There is some scary shit under there and the least you can do is have another person present for emotional support. The good thing is though, it won't be nearly as bad to do in a month when we're cleaning this place from top to bottom.

The packers should be here on December 6th to pack us all up over that the day and the following two. Actual "take all my shit and put it on a truck" day will be the 9th. Then we'll have about four days to finish cleaning in here without any of our stuff here in to get in the way.

We're shooting to ship off the cats and the wildchild on/about the 15th. We're driving out of here at 0'dark thirty on the 16th.

I'll have some pictures up in the gallery later today. Yesterday John was a celebrity scooper at the opening of a Coldstone Creamery in Lakewood. He had a good time and was a good sport about the whole "singing for tips" thing. I kinda sorta mighta left that singing part out when I told him he was asked to scoop ice cream for an hour.

Well, John and the Child should be back home in a little bit so I think I'll go wash the few dirty dishes in the sink and get ready to pull out the stove and clean back there. I hope he remembers to get me the new U2 CD so I can either enjoy it or mock it.

things to do

Sorry for not updating. Been just a little busy the last few weeks.

John was able to pick up his retirement orders this week. Yes people....after 22 years, he's finally done!

We did a major house cleaning last weekend. I would imagine that this weekend we'll start going through the storage areas and weeding out all the crap we don't want to move across the country. I've been trying to make a mental list of things we need to do in the next 43 days.

Dad, I haven't seen you online, but John and I should be driving through about the 21st of December. I'll know for sure in a few weeks. It will just be John and I, but I'm planning on driving back down right after Christmas with Mara to spend a few days with you and Eileen if that is OK.

Everyone else....we're taking the southern route from Seattle at least as far south as LA, possibly to Vegas, to El Paso, then the southern route through Texas, a stop in southern Louisiana and then on to Alabama. If you'd like us to stop and say hi, buy us coffee/lunch/dinner or anything else, just drop me a line.

I'm off to bed in a few minutes. Have a good one and I'll try and update a little more often as well as putting up some new pictures.

10.20.2004

I'm sorry. I've been incredibly busy this week and the rest of the week is shaping up to be just as bad. Tonight is my one night home right after a quick trip to the tanning salon.

I've dealt with bitchy wives, decorations, bitchy wives, phone calls, bitchy wives, and, finally, bitchy wives.

I am just exhausted and so ready for John to be home. No, I still can't tell you when that will be. Yes, I have a fairly good idea. Yes, we'll be calling family as soon as he's given me a hug.

For the rest of this week I have another tanning appointment (had to use up my last two tans), a trip to the grocery store, a haircut and style on Friday, a pedicure on Saturday. I'm sure that more tanning will be involved somewhere. There will be a lot of coffee, some video taping so I can clean off the TiVos again, and, hopefully, some napping.

I'm quite excited about my friend coming to town on November 13th and the fact that he'll finally be able to meet John. So uh F, don't fuck up the plan, OK? :)

That's about all you get right now people. I'm tired, I'm uploading some pictures so you can see where I was last night.

Please get out and vote!

PS - My ballot came in the mail today. Yes, it will be mailed tomorrow!

10.12.2004

Do you ever just feel like you are in a holding pattern?

I feel like my life is being lived like that right now. Like we're circling the airport but not allowed to land just yet. Like we are stuck inside this bubble, just waiting for it to pop.

I want to scream from the rooftops that I KNOW when he'll be here. Not quite allowed to do that yet. Well, I know the last possible day for him to be here. Subject to change with the phases of the moon, tides, weather and someone's moods I suppose.

The Child and I are fine, really we are. We're trying to keep the house clean. We're doing laundry. We're recording a bunch of stuff off the tivo for John. We're not arguing every single day. I'm waiting rather impatiently for her progress report, which I should have by the end of this week.

I've got a wive's meeting to attend tonight. Two other meetings this week for work. I've got dinners to make and more laundry to do. I've got to finish getting an outfit together for the ball in December. I've got to start planning for our move, in case we find out at the last minute that we can leave when we want to leave. I've got to get John's dress blues and dress greens to the tailor to have more stripey-stuff sewn on.

I sit here with a self-imposed gag on, not able to say much. Sorry for the lack up updates!

PS - Daddy, I am not ignoring your birthday! I have to finish getting a box together, then the presents for you and Eileen will be mailed. Or maybe I'll just deliver them in person!

PSS - Little sister, you'd better get online and talk to me damnit!

10.06.2004

I really haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I swear.

09.26.2004 Smells

I realized what was missing this morning. Not just John...I know he's gone. His smell. I can't smell him here any longer.

I need to do laundry today since I was basically a slob yesterday. I showered and put on new PJs rather than getting properly dressed. As I laid in bed last night I grabbed the pillow that he'd been sleeping on for the two weeks he was here. It just smelled like John. I rolled over onto my side and just hugged the pillow as I fell asleep.

When he came home, it just smelled different here in the house. His deodorant, his cologne...just his smell. It was comforting and made it seem like all was right in the world.

I need to do laundry today and bring back the smells of his being gone. I can't just sit on the couch, covered up with the blanket he used in the living room all the time, just because it smells like him. I can't just stay in bed all day, curled around a pillow that smells like him.

I'm not eradicating him from our lives...but I am going to rid us of the smells that make us melancholy, smells that make us miss him just a little bit more, smells that remind us that he's just not here now.

09.25.2004 316 days

I feel about a thousand times better since I got a good night's sleep last night. I spread all the pillows out, scrunched the comforter all around me and pretty much tried to take up as much of the bed as I could. The cats helped out by piling around my legs as soon as I laid down.

Went over to Michelle's house last night and the Child made sushi for everyone. It was nice to just not be sitting around the house by ourselves all evening. We realized that for the next three weeks we have one meeting per week. Something to help the time go faster I suppose.

The house is so quiet right now. The Child is napping on the couch, the kitchen is all clean. I could go start some laundry and be done with that today. I also should stop by the grocery store at some point since I'm out of cream for the coffee. I'm sure there are a few other things I should pick up but really, I can't seem to muster up enough energy to care at this point.

Murphy must hate us!

So I woke up very late yesterday morning. I don't know how or why, but I slept until almost noon. It was quite lovely actually. I woke up to the Child and John, camped out in the living room playing video games. Ate some breakfast and then we decided that we'd go to the Puyallup Fair.

Before we left, the Child threw some of her clothes into the washer so that they would wash while we were gone. John and I both immediately noticed that the washer wasn't sounding quite right. He messed around with the dial for a bit and eventually it stopped making the loud noise it had been making, but we haven't tested it anymore with a new load of clothes.

We got to the Fair and had a really good time. We ate lots of good food. The Child rode some rides. We walked and walked and walked and walked. It was a very good day. We trekked on back to where we had parked the car. Got everything all loaded up and headed for home. We were getting close to entering the freeway when I told John that the car didn't quite feel right. We're now entering the freeway. John said the car is pulling a lot to the right, maybe we should get the alignment checked. Again I said it just doesn't feel right. He pulled off the freeway onto the median and yes, we have a flat tire on the rear right.

Come to find out, there is a locking lug on that tire. A locking lug to which we have no key. Now, I don' t ever remember seeing one in the car after we purchased it in 2002. John claims we had one, I claim we didn't. Both points are moot since there isn't a key in the car at the present time. We had to pile back into the car and drive very slowly off the freeway and around a few corners to a gas station.

I called the first taxi company, one that I know has stickers to get on base. It will be at least a two-hour wait before they can get someone out to us. Called the second taxi company....same deal. They referred me to a third company that said they could be out to us within about 15 minutes. Cool deal, right? Not so cool once we hit the gate. The gate guard had the taxi pull over while he kept our ID cards in his hand. The first thing he did was insult my husbad by calling him "Mister". Then he said that we'd have to turn around and go get a gate pass at the main gate, even though we live on the North side of post. We paid the taxi driver and got out of the car. The three of us walked from the gate all the way to the house.

John has made some phone calls about trying to find the key for the locking lug but hasn't had much luck in tracking one down. We quite possibly will either have to buy a new set of locking lugs so that we can get the key, or order one from Volkswagon.

He had the car towed to a tire place in Puyallup and then called me on my cell. He wanted to know where the car key was to the Jetta. I told him that I'd put the key (which is the ONLY key we have, keep that in mind) on HIS key ring this morning before we left the house. He doesn't have it. He got the car taken care of and said he'd go home to check and see if the key was in the kitchen or something. He found it laying in our driveway. Don't even ask me how it got there...I had nothing to do with it!

So the car should be getting at least one new tire today. We will find some way to solve the "not having the damn locking lug key" problem before he leaves again. I still don't know what is wrong with the washer but suspect that when I get home later today it will be in parts in my kitchen.

I'm tired...I need another weekend to recover from my weekend!

09.18.2004

John and the Child are off for an afternoon of Dad/Daughter time. I had put a few DVDs on to watch and immediately lost interest in watching anything.

It is so wonderful having him home. I'm trying very hard not to think about when he has to go back.

He called from Dallas, hence the "OMG!" entry. I was secretly hoping that he was coming home on leave but had told him I wouldn't believe it until he called me from the US. He'd been evasive online, talking about packing and pretty precise about not being able to be in contact for a few days. He would call when he could, and he did, he just neglected to tell me he was calling from Kuwait.

I made arrangements to leave early from work and took the rest of the day off. I stopped at home to grab my camera and then went to get him balloons and flowers to welcome him home. I debated a lot about going to get the Child, but decided to just surprise her when she got home. I'd told her before she left for school that morning that I'd surprise her when she got home. I was just going to take her out to dinner or something to celebrate the first day of school.

I got to the airport a little early but was worried about how long it would take to go through security. There was no line at the airline desk so that shaved a bunch of time off right there. They printed up a ticket for me and off I went to security. Not one person in line if you can believe that! I wound my way through all the little posts and met the security guard. She told me that I couldn't go through security with the balloons. She was kind and offered to keep them for me to pick up later. I went down to the gate and realized that I had an hour to wait for him.

Eventually a few more wives showed up. You can tell us apart from regular airport people. We're the ones glancing out the window of the terminal every few seconds, hoping that for some reason the plane will just appear. Now. Right now! Once we saw the plane pull in I was ready. I was going to get a picture of John walking up the gangway towards me. I walked over, sort of staking out my spot towards the front of the group so I could get a picture. They finally opened the doors and there he was. I didn't have time to get a picture because I was too busy jumping up and down like a two year old. I grabbed him and gave him a huge bear hug and just cried. 299 days since I had his arms around me. 299 days since I'd seen his smile. 299 days since I'd gotten a kiss.

We were walking towards the baggage claim area when I realized I still had the camera on and in my hand. I took a step away and snapped a quick picture of him as we were walking. That is the picture I used on his "he is home" entry. We stopped at security and got the balloons. We stopped at baggage and his giant duffel bag finally came out. We walked to the car and I felt like the luckiest, most proud wife in the world. People smiled at us and little kids waved at him. I really felt like my heart was going to burst open I was so happy.

We got stuck in traffic but it gave us a chance to just talk and catch up on everything. We decided to stop at Safeway to pick up some things for dinner. Amazingly enough, we ran into my boss in the parking lot and she welcomed him home and told me she'd see me the following week some time. We got some snacks, some steaks, some good baking potatos, some beer, and some ice cream. We finally made our way on base and parked the car...

I wanted to get a picture of the Child seeing him for the first time in so long. In the end, I'm glad I didn't. It is a memory that will be with all of us. He walked in the door first and turned into the doorway leading into the living room where she was watching TV. He just said "Hey boo-bear" and she was up off the floor and quite literally lept into his arms. They both got a bit teary-eyed and when he put her down she gave me the biggest hug and said it was the greatest surprise ever.

He is here with us for now. I know where he is at all times and, if I wanted, could pick up my cell and just say "John" and it would call him. I can fall asleep every night, listening to him breathe and snore. I can wake up in the morning and smell that he's made coffee. I can come home from work and dinner is made. The Child and I really like that dinner part!!

He's called all his family. He'll go home to see the house after he returns for good and we get some answers about his retirement. He's working very hard right now to get briefings and such done so that we have a better chance of leaving here when we want to leave.

Life feels good right now. Yes, that will change again soon, but it won't be quite so hard as it was last November when I had to watch him walk away. A month. We can do another month standing on our heads at this point. It won't be 10. It won't be "who knows when I'll see him again" time. A month. What a nice Halloween present...don't you think?

Day 299 is a good day

...and he's home!

09.08.2004 Day 299

OMG! Pictures later!!!!!!!!!!!!

09.07.2004 Day 298

There are a few new, random pictures over in the gallery.

So first off, John will read this and probably pee himself laughing.

See...I have a "thing" about spiders. I don't like them. Any of them. Not. One. So I'm sitting here tonight. Got the headphones on, listening to some music. I had just finished up some stuff for work tomorrow and something caught my attention up on the wall. I look up and there is a spider, inching it's way across the wall. Like any non-rational person, I looked for a shoe that has a nice, flat bottom on it. Obviously my collection of Docs in here are useless when it comes to killing bugs. Way too many nooks and crannies for said bug to dodge my wrath.

So I find a shoe. One of my blue Converse if you must know. I stand up and whack the spider. It falls to the floor behind the desk. Since I know my desk doesn't touch the actual wall, and I don't think that this particular spider can jump, I must be safe, right? (I mean really, if it could jump, it would have jumped out of the way of the shoe or something...that is my logic!)

Put the headphones back on and get situated back in the chair. Start to type up a few reminders in myself and getting ready to send the docs back to work so I have them in the morning. Over the top of the laptop screen I see the spider. Obviously my aim was not as good as I intended. It is now winding it's way back up a web strand or something. Fucking flying if you ask me.

Roll chair back to the shoe stand and grab shoe again. Put glasses on so that I don't miss this time. Whack spider. I swear I watched it fall back down behind the desk again. Roll back to shoe stand and put shoe away, again. Roll back to computer and get ready to type. Look down at keyboard and see balled up dead spider smack dab in the middle of keyboard. Try not to scream. Turn laptop and blow spider down behind back of desk. I know, I should have just gotten a tissue or something but I also have a irrational fear that said spider will somehow come back to life and jump on me now.

I hate spiders.

09.05.2004 day 296

I have a bunch of typing and such to do for work this weekend. Of course, I haven't done it yet, but I'll get it done this afternoon most likely.

I took the Child shopping yesterday. We bought some pretty cool school supplies, a bunch of new t-shirts, a few new sweatjackets (she refuses to wear a real coat), some new shoes, a new messenger bag....I think that is about it. She was pretty psyched to realize that the little bento lunchbox that I have will fit in her bag so she can use it for lunches.

Surprisingly, it was a very pleasant day with hardly any disagreements. We had a few reminders from me that her wardrobe will NOT consist of a bunch of black shit. A few things here and there...fine. We're going to ease her back out of the punk rock goth shit and back into being a regular kid. She did talk to me a little bit about some girls she would still like to be friends with. I stated my case for why she shouldn't be friends with them. They are talking about going out partying, talking about thinking they are ready for sex. These are things that I talk to the Child about and make very clear that her age is just too young to be doing either. I know that there are kids in every school doing those things. I worry that kids are doing things younger and younger these days. Can't I just protect her for as long as possible?

We're going to hang around the house today. We have a little bit of housework to get done. I'd like to make sure that the house is all clean and organized before the beginning of school. I think that it will be good for both of us, to have everything in place and whatnot. Less to worry about, right?

09.01.2004 day 292

When did I get so damn organized that by 630am the dishes are done and a load of laundry is in the washer? The cats are fed, the fish are going to be fed in a few minutes, and I am drinking coffee.

It is September. It actually feels like it today, since it is going to be rainy and cooler all day. After today though, we're back to our summer-like weather.

I've told the Child that she can go to central Washington with her friend for a few days. This would be the one friend she has that I actually trust her with. She leaves tonight after I get home from work and will be back on Friday while I'm at work. It wasn't that long, so I didn't see a problem in her going. A nice little excursion for her and a small little mental break for me. Must have time to gear up for the pending arguments over clothes and TV time soon, right?

I missed chatting with John last night. Seems that he didn't feel well and decided to sleep in a bit rather than get up and chat with me. How do you get angry at that?

8.31.2004 day 291

I can't believe that he's been gone for almost 300 days already. I can't believe that it has been 291 days since I've seen his face.

I'm sure you will all be happy to know that I haven't kill the Child yet. Still no yelling or major arguments. I know, I'm shocked as hell myself.

I'm still dying to know what is going to happen with John's retirement. This waiting until the last minute thing is just driving me up the wall. I am trying to give my boss as much notice as possible, but it gets hard when you have to keep saying things like, "I honestly have no idea when we'll get to leave here. Could be December, could be June!"

August is now at a close. Hopefully once the Child starts school I will have a little more to talk about. As it is now, we pretty much just exist day to day.

8.29.2004 day 289

I am quite pleased with myself. I talked to the Child all the way home from the airport after I picked her up. I didn't scream, didn't swear, didn't even threaten her. I just told her what I knew, told her how things were going to be and how little trust we have in her right now. She was fairly quiet. I also talked to her about things in the house that had been broken before she left. She admitted to me that she'd been messing around on the elliptical machine and that was how the light cover on the ceiling fan got broken. I didn't yell. I thanked her for telling me the truth.

I don't know if being apart for two months has made me more patient with her or what. Maybe it is the weekly Porch Night? Every week I know that I can go meet with my friend and pretty much say whatever I want or need and she's not going to think any less of me for it. We noticed last night that our drinking during Porch Night has decreased dramatically. Mostly we just have coffee now. It is a wonderful way to just touch base every week, relax and have a nice time with a good friend.

I woke up this morning early. Instead of coming out and instantly turning on the TV or logging onto the computer, I just laid on the couch and daydreamed about our new house. I'm trying to imagine all the colors that I would like to paint everything. Can we put wood floors down in the dining room and kitchen that won't clash with the living room? Can I find the perfect shade of "coffee with cream" brown for the kitchen and dining room? Can I knock down the walls between the laundry room and dining room? The wall between the dining room and living room? Will I find the perfect color for our master bath? Will I find the perfect style of bedding for the Child's room? Can I create a nice space in the guest bedroom? Can I totally re-do the style of our master bedroom?

I'm still kicking myself for not having my camera on the last day we were in the house. I've been trying to remember what kind of light is in the kitchen. I just remember that I'd like to change it. The fixture in the dining room is pretty, but I don't think that it will end up going with the style I hope to find for in there. Surprisingly, I found some great furniture in the Sunday flyer from Fred Myer. Very retro and cool looking. The Child loved everything so maybe we will go start picking up bits and pieces over the next few weeks. There was even a nice bakers rack that matched the table and chairs. The size is perfect for the little dining room we have for now.

I'm dying to move. If I could, I would pack us up right now and get us to Alabama as soon as possible.

8.26.2004

There are more pictures up in the gallery.

I am home. I am tired. I miss John horribly. I pick up the Child tomorrow.

I am going to bed.

8.23.2004

This was written on the laptop while I was in Alabama. I swear, I'm working on getting pictures up. I have to go perform some sort of sacrifice and get my gallery software working again. Or, ya know, perhaps just update it. Anyway, this was what I wrote...

August 23,2004
1:30pm

I am almost a homeowner now! There was a mistake on one set of paperwork and the mortgage company needs to fix it and resend it to the attorney's office, then I can go back and complete that portion. Then I get the keys and we're done. It is our home.

My hand is killing me from all the signing I had to do this morning. Not only did I have to sign everything with my name, I also had to sign John's name, then add mine again, then add "atty in fact" to that. Talk about getting writer's cramp! It is worth it though. So worth it.

We went directly from the airport to the house so that I could see it. I did take some pictures and will be working on getting them uploaded as soon as I can. Later on today or tomorrow, I'll go back over with a pen and paper, making a map of the whole house as well as measurements of all the rooms and window placements and whatnot. I'd like to be able to figure out where I can place everything.

I haven't heard from John since Thursday, which sort of bothers me. I wish he could have been here with me when I did the closing. I'm happy and all, but it just won't feel right until he's at the house with me and able to plan everything out. I left him a few messages and told him how beautiful the house is. I don't want to get my hopes up that he'll be able to come home for leave, but really, I do. I just miss him so much.

I forgot to ask the owners if there are hardwood floors all over the first floor. I'd really like to take up the carpets in the bedrooms and refinish them if possible. I am not real fond of the flooring that they picked for the kitchen, bathrooms and laundry room, but that is something we can fix on our own and do what we like. There is a lot of painting that needs to be done, mainly because I just don't like all the colors they used. The green wouldn't be quite so bad, but it is a lot darker than I'd like. I am going to have a great time over the next few months, picking out paint colors and figuring out what will move with us and what will either be given away or taken to the dump.

I still can't believe we bought it. We have a house. A real house that is ours. No permission needed to make changes. No permission needed to drill holes or paint walls or rip up carpeting or replace tiles. A real, live house that hopefully we will live in for years and years to come.

leaving, on a jet plane

So here it is, almost 1am and I'm still not all the way packed for my flight in the morning. I've already decided that I'll just be up all night. The alarm is set for 3am. Really, what is the point in even taking off my clothes and trying to sleep? Isn't that what the window seat is for on the plane?

Everything is ready for Monday. The certified check which, thankfully, is much less than I thought it was going to have to be. The original POA is in my purse and everyone and their brother seems to have gotten a copy faxed to them. The camera is charging right now and I've got extra batteries just in case. The last load of clothes is in the dryer and then will be in the suitcase. All extra copies of paperwork are going in the suitcase just in case.

The only thing missing is John.

I was expecting to feel more right now. I'm not exactly sure more what, but just...more. I'm excited about buying the house, about seeing it for the first time and all, but there is a big part of me that is just screaming inside that this just isn't quite the same. He should be here for this. He should be holding my hand as we fly across the country. He should be with me when we pull up to the house for the first time. He should be getting a hand cramp right along with me as we sign our names a million times, not me signing two million times and adding "by POA" on every other one.

He should just be here for this. And for sex.

oh, uh...nevermind

I guess I was wrong about some things on that list.

That's about all you get right now.

In a number of days...

In a number of days...

- I will see John for the first time in over nine months.

- I will have sex!!!!!!!!

- I will probably be in a better mood because of those first two things.

- I will become a homeowner.

- I will see my child again after almost two months.

- I will see my in-laws after almost five years.

- Sex!!! Did I mention the sex??!!

- I will take an entire week off of work and spend it with my husband.

- I will cook good food for him to eat.

- I will sleep late.

The exact number of days isn't quiet known....but for most things on that list? Less than ten :)

Ugh

So my host is moving servers. For some reason my webspace has grown to like over a gig of space. I know there wasn't that much crap there before. I also can't seem to delete anything. Or login and get my email, which sucks.

It should all be done by this coming friday, so until then please either click on the link in the sidebar over there or something. If you use the @backbite address I will likely not see it for a week or so.

I had a good weekend. Got a new tattoo on Friday night (picture here). I'd been considering it for a while...I needed something on my left foot to balance out the tat on my right ankle.

On Saturday I putzed around the house, talked to John online for a bit and then went off to Porch Night at Michelle's house. Had a very nice time just sitting and chatting.

On Sunday she had a party for her daughter's first birthday. We ate like pigs and I came home stuffed and full of carbs. It was a lot of fun, and great conversation as usual.

Just counting down the days until John is here for his leave. Can't even say weekS now...and we're almost out of double-digit days :)

08.01.2004

Holy cow, it is already August!

I feel like I've been busy since I landed Tuesday night. Today I'm spending the majority of the day cleaning off the tivo for John and doing housework. So far I have almost cleaned off the coffee table here in the living room, started hours 5 and 6 for taping, done all the dishes, started the laundry. I still have to put all the little extra stuff from the suitcase away, since it is all sitting here on the floor in a pile. In a little bit I will evict the cats from the sofas and vacuum them to death...the sofas, not the cats. They made themselves quite at home on the back cushions while I was gone so I need to de-hair everything.

John has now been gone for eight and a half months. There are days when it feels like he just left yesterday. I still can't believe that it has been that long since I've seen his face. Hopefully I'll be seeing it in a little under three weeks now :)

20 years

I've learned a few things this weekend...

- When you don't really give a damn what your old high school classmates think of you, your 20th reunion can be a lot of fun!

- When you find out the dirt on the cheerleader, the reunion becomes a lot more fun!

- You can tell who hooked up with who after the get-together on Friday night.

- Some people are never going to remember who you are, but that is fine, since you don't remember who the hell they are either.

- People will give you a picture of yourself when you were seventeen and looking your best...except for those giant plastic-framed glasses and that silly knotted bandana around your neck.

- One of the guys you had a crush on will immediately bring up a moment that had you mortified in high school. He will immediately make it better by explaining that he was just too shy to call.

- You will hear things about your classmates that would shock most people. You, however, will just raise your glass and tell them to go on with their badass selves.

- You can tell who got fake boobs. It won't be pretty.

- You will be surprised at the people that talk to you and remember who you are. It will be a pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless.

- Someone will have a car that you would almost sell your child to own.

- One of the highlights of the weekend will be seeing your friend's parents.

- You will go to the Friday get-together having had about three hours total sleep, not all consecutive. This will, evidently, make you quite interesting. And drunk faster.

- You will not get much sleep on Friday or Saturday night...and you'll be OK.

- You will discover that teenage girl softball players are vindictive little bitches and will set the fire alarm off at 7am on Sunday as retribution for your reunion friends decending on the hotel at midnight.

- You will also discover that you can't turn the fire alarm off by slapping the alarm clock or answering the telephone.

- People seem to be very interested in the fact that your tongue is pierced.

- Even on Monday morning you won't quite understand why people are so interested in that fact.

- You'll write this on Monday morning, without a hangover, because you have an hour to kill before going to meet up with your friends.

- You'll be glad you spent the money to come.

Here is the picture I was given. This was our Breakfast Club, 2nd period.

Updates

Not a whole lot going on this week.

I did a whole bunch of financial paperwork stuff and signed and initialed and read and faxed and it made me a little tired. I also had to fax all the paperwork to NWA again, since they (not)surprisingly had no record of my request for the refunds. According to the woman on the phone I should have the money before I trek off to Ohio for a few days. I promise not to spend it all on stupid stuff. Or booze. OK, maybe a little booze, but only when I have a designated driver!

Spent a nice evening yesterday chatting with John on the computer. He seems to think that he will be home just in time for the closing. Personally I don't think he'll make it, but who knows. He suggested we leave the WildChild there until he and I both get there, then we can all fly home on the same day. Yeah...he and the child will fly together, while I fly on the second half of my r/t ticket. I'm not buying the ticket until I know for sure what date we'll close the house.

Speaking of the house...I don't know anything more than I knew the other day. I was pretty tickled to see that it isn't listed on realtor.com or the MLS website where I'd originally seen it. That sort of made it feel more real, like we really are buying it. John's uncle last told me that he would make arrangements for an inspection. I haven't heard from him, but he might have been waiting until John's mom was home from vacation.

The Child...well, it seems as though she has pneumonia. She went to the doctor today (glad I sent along that medical POA!) and got a breathing treatment. The doctor still heard a bunch of rattling afterward so she's on a few kinds of meds. I had to laugh. She was telling me this over IM this evening and said, "...the doctor said I have amonia." Don't ever accuse her of being a good listener!

Tomorrow will be spent going to the tanning salon, shopping for water timers, searching for some kind of fish feeder that will work in the saltwater tank and, finally, Porch Night with my friend. I think we're renting movies. I'm positive that alcohol will be involved.

Have a great weekend!

PS - Happy Birthday to the WildChild and her Gran! I wish I was there to celebrate with you both.

A home

Today I ran back into work to get the faxed copy of the clean offer. It was pretty wild, sitting there in the kitchen at work, signing and initialing everything. I just keep thinking "wow, this is really IT...we're buying a house!"

I got an email from John, but I'm not 100% sure that he knows that we got the house...that our offer was accepted. I know that this is really the eptiome of being a military family...buying a house without seeing it in person.

I hate the fact that John isn't here to share all of this with me. I miss that we didn't get to go walking through homes together, talking about what we like and don't like. Really...I just miss him a whole lot right now. This is a monumental step for us. Our first house. And we're doing the whole process from different sides of the globe.

We're going to have a home. A home where we can paint and paper and decorate and put as many holes in the wall as we like. We're going to have a fireplace that we can use. We're going to have our own backyard where I can plant what I like without worrying about having to take it all back out. We're going to have a guest room so that my family can come visit. We're going to have a home where we will make memories with holidays and birthdays and regular old weekends.

I've done all this...and I want him here to share with me.

Holy Cow x100!

They accepted our second offer.

We're buying a house!

I can't even describe how it makes me feel. John's uncle just called and gave me the news. I just told the WildChild on the computer. The only person missing in all of this is John.

I wish he was here to celebrate with me.

Honey, I love you sooooo much. We got the house. We're going to have a beautiful place to live!

Holy Cow!

I think we're going to buy a house. Pictures are up in the gallery. I start doing all the paperwork tomorrow.

I'm going to own a home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mint Juleps

I decided that I needed to bring home some of the monster mint we have growing at the office. I also decided that I needed to dip into the nice bottle of bourbon that was just sitting there up in the cupboard. You know that can only mean one thing, right?

Yes kids...tonight is Mint Julep night. I just made one as a matter of fact. I used Splenda instead of powdered sugar. I would imagine since I don't 'do' sugar anyway, I wouldn't get a whole lot of degradation in the concoction.

I muddled the mint at the bottom of the glass with a splash of water and a dash of splenda. I added the bourbon and ice and gently stirred until the glass was sweating. Taste. Added a dash more sugar and then it was perfect.

Sadly, I only won $2 in tonight's Mega Millions drawing. Guess that means I have to go to work on Tuesday.

06.01.2004

I should probably look before writing. Seems that there are a lot of people with various things missing from their lives. We all wrote about the same word.

Remind me to be more original when my brain returns to my head, OK?

05.26.2004

I know that you are all just dying to know...so yes, I did get my license out of the dashboard in the car. One less thing to worry about I suppose.

It is raining and gloomy today. I would much rather be someplace very sunny and very warm.

I have had a headache since I woke up this morning. Someone please just kill me and put me out of my misery.

There are a few flower pictures up in the gallery.

I haven't killed my child. She fucking deserves it...but so far I have resisted. Less than four weeks until she steps on that plane.

I'm busy as hell at work this week...this is the best you get for now.

05.22.2004

I had a pretty shitty day yesterday. Besides the fact that there is a metric ass load of emotional crap happening with the Child, I lost my driver's license. Actually, I know where it is, I just can't reach it.

I was driving back to base after dropping her off for a slumber party. I had both ID cards and my license sitting in the little shelf area where the speedometer is. I was trying to pick up the top two cards (my DL and ID) when *whoosh*, they fell between the shelf and the plastic in front of the speedometer. So here I am, almost to the gate and only holding my child's ID card in my hand. Obviously not enough to get me on base. I turn the car into a parking lot and reach under the dash to see if I can find at least the ID card. I move my hand around so that I'm sort of feeling around in the center dash. I feel both cards but can't really get a hold of them. I finally get one (thankfully it was the ID card) and pull it out. I reach back in there...DL is gone. It has slid off somewhere else. I drive back on base and go home. I reach around under the dash and such as much as I can...no sign of the DL. I give up, come inside, make a drink and think about crying. I listen to the soundtrack of Avenue Q, and I highly recommend it for when you are stressed out.

Today I am going out in a few minutes to see if I can find the damn card. If not, I will have to go get a WA license AND have to take the damn driving test since I can't produce an actual license. Something tells me they won't buy my story of "really, it is IN the car!".

05.16.2004

I've been awake for a few hours, looking at homes online. I really need to work VERY hard for the next few months to lower our debt so that we can afford more house. I did the preliminary "can you afford this house" stuff and I can't afford what I want. Or what I want just isn't for sale yet. I don't know, but I know we'll find what we need and in a decent school district.

I need to go to the commissary this morning. I'm tempted to leave and go do that in a few minutes, since I think it is opening right about now. I can get in there while everyone is at church. I also need to stop and deposit my check and pay some bills off. Then I need to take the Child shopping for some summer clothes. That should be interesting, since the last time we tried she ended up in tears and I ended up putting all the clothes back on the racks and not buying them for her.

John is doing OK. We are still looking at homes online and I need to get my behind in gear and start getting some paperwork together for buying a house. There is tons of stuff that needs to be done for a VA loan and it looks like we'll just my loan entitlement first since it is about 100 times less complex than his. Mine just needs a DD214, John would need letters and such. Not real high priority for them since they are deployed.

One more month until the Child leaves for Gran's house. That is probably a good thing since some weeks we are ready to kill each other. I know we both need a break. She complains that I make her do her chores, which in her eyes is "everything" in the house. She seems to forget that these are the same chores that she has had for years. Take out the trash when it is full and on trash days, police the litterboxes, clean up after herself in the living room and her bedroom. I'm a mean ogre because I won't clean her bathroom again for her. She ends up wanting to use mine since it is all clean. Yeah...right!

Gearing up for some web work. The good thing about that is I can use the money as closing costs for a house. For so many years I've always found that when we really needed money for something, it appears somehow out of the blue. I've been talking about this web stuff for almost a year now, and now that we're going to need the money, it is going to happen. We have some really wonderful people in our lives that are helping us with the whole house thing and with extra work for me. Everything always works out in the end.

05.13.2004

I am quite happy to report that my mouth is doing just great. No more pain and I can open my jaw more than a half-inch without wincing.

I got to chat with John again last night. He's doing as well as can be expected. He's hot and tired and cranky. He'd like more bedsheets please. And some more ramen and coffee and creamer and splenda and pistachios and lots more video tapes please. Yeah, that is sort of a list to remind myself what I need to buy at the store today.

So I booked some airline tickets to my 20 year reunion in Ohio. I'm slightly freaked out about that, but what is done is done. All I have left to do is send in the money for the two of us to attend the festivities. Note to sisters: John and I will be in town until Tuesday afternoon. Hint, hint, hint! I'm just sayin'.

The child seems to be on an even keel this week. I'm taking it as a good sign that perhaps she's got her butt in gear this final semester and I won't have to kill her in a month. She still argues on almost every stupid point, but I keep telling myself that is her job in life right now, to make me crazy. It helps for a few seconds anyway and keeps me from planning her next punishment.

I'll be putting up some pictures in the gallery later today. Took a few pictures of plants last night. Other than that, life is nice and boring right now. Just the way I like it!

5.10.2004 Pain

So I went to the dentist this morning. Have I mentioned what a dental weenie I am? I love my dentist to bits, don't get me wrong. When I originally starting going to him ten years ago, he was a children's dentist. I ended up there on a visit with the Child. He pulled my last two wisdom teeth and treated me quite well. He even remembered my huge fear of needles and the novoacaine shots.

Normally he will try to work on me without giving me any shots. Evidently the work I had done this morning warranted shots. I had one deeper filling that needed filled and another filling that was also an old silver filling that needed repaired.

I am glad I didn't know about the shots until he practically had the damn needle in my mouth. No time to freak out, no time to reschedule for next year some time. "I know how much you hate this....we'll be done in a second. I'm sorry!" Stealth dentristy at it's finest.

When I got into work I sounded like I had spent the night at the bar. My upper left and lower right parts of my mouth were completely numb. My tongue was more than half numb. I felt like my lips were swollen and dragging down. I worried about drool. Mostly though I was sad that I couldn't eat breakfast.

The feeling is finally coming back to my face. This is both a good and bad thing. Good because I can drink from my water bottle without freaking out that it is half hot/half cold water. I can also worry less about the drool-factor. Bad beacuse now my back right jaw is killing me.

I'm pretty much ready for today to just be done and over with.

Mother's Day

I don't know if my child even remembers that it is Mother's Day. She is still sleeping but I'll wake her up in a little bit to make sure she's got time to do her laundry today. She did say something about not being taken to the store but she never asked if I would take her so I think it is safe to assume that I'll just be getting a "Happy Mother's Day" from her.

I got to talk to John on the phone and computer yesterday morning. It was so nice hearing his voice. He's doing pretty good. We had more fun chatting on IM (no bad phone connections!) and he was in rare form. He's pretty much insisting that I go to my 20-year reunion and said he'd go with me if he is home at that time. I got gems like "No really, I promise to wear underwear to the reunion and everything!" and after telling me that he'd stand in the airport with a sign that says "Home on leave I need a flight to see my wife". You just gotta love him!

I'm spending most of today recording all the stuff on the TiVos for John. I'm having the best time watching the Friends retrospective. I had missed it on Thursday since I was out watering the grass after the wives meeting. After all the recording I can make sure I've got plenty of space to record all the Survivor stuff that is on tonight. I'm sure John will be happy to hear that I've got another shipment of tapes to send off this coming week.

So I guess I'll be looking at airfare today and seeing if I can find any deals to Ohio. Anyone know of any?

05.03.2004

What I neglected to update you all about on Sunday was this...

On Saturday night I was interviewed on the news. The main theme of the interview was supposed to be about a website specific to the Strykers. We did quite a bit of talking about the website and the forum, but I also answered some questions about what it feels like when news of deaths from where my husband is come out of Iraq. Obviously most of my answers didn't get aired.

Let me tell you what happens...

First you see if a brigade is mentioned. If it just says TFO then you can usually just talk yourself into believing that it has nothing to do with the Strykers. If the news specifically says "Stryker Brigade" then it gets a little tougher. Was a specific unit mentioned? Did it mention any specific equipment? I know that my husband doesn't usually climb inside an actual Stryker, so if that is mentioned in the article I can relax.

Basically the rundown is you sort of stand a little more still, hold your breath a little bit more and hope that your phone doesn't ring or that people in uniform don't show up at your door.

It is very hard to read the news of deaths....it is hard because I know what's going to happen. Someone is going to get a visit. Someone is going to get called. Someone is going to be told that a loved one is never coming home. Just knowing that is going on is hard. Harder when it is someone within our brigade.

The reporters went a little overboard with some of the desctiptions. It was not a "torturous" night. No, I didn't spend the evening "refreshing the page, fearing the next headline." Actually, I went home, poured a glass of wine and quietly freaked out about the interview with a friend. She kept sending me messages of encouragement. I watched the first broadcast at 10pm and immediately told her how stupid I looked and sounded. I still sort of feel that way. My boss told me to stop freaking about how I looked, that I look a lot better (read "thinner") in person. That made me feel a little better. After seeing the interview it looked like the guy was zooming in on my chin and at such an angle as to make it look like I was part of an asian phone book.

Anyway, if you want to see it, it is here. Beware! It is about 29 MB and you need to have Quicktime installed to see it. If anyone knows how to a) make it into another format and b) make it smaller, please let me know!

05.01.2004

Well...happy May Day!

I honestly can't believe that it is May already. That would be a good thing. Almost six months down since John left. A little more than six months to go, hopefully.

Life is just trucking right along around here. Things in the garden are slowly coming to life. There are still two rose bushes that have no new growth and it makes me sad to think that I have to replace them. Not sure what I will put in there since I don't think I can find new roses to put in there.

The Child got her report card and I wasn't pleased. Grades dropped over the last half of the quarter and she's grounded again. We're working pretty hard on making sure her final grades are presentable.

She got her braces this past Thursday. I'll post some pictures later today. The actual visit wasn't too bad and she really wasn't in pain until that evening. No colored band this visit. I like the orthodontist! They use the colored bands as a reward for taking good care of their teeth. She really wants them so I think she's brushing her teeth about four times a day and flossing twice a day. Good dental habits are good no matter what the motivation, right?

Well, it is about time to go unload the lawnmower from the truck and have her cut the grass. I need to do a bunch of trimming as well as watering and pinching back some flowers. We're still here, mostly alive and kicking.

Oh, and I was quoted in today's paper.

04.27.2004

I'm taking a quick mental break from work. I've been typing letters all morning and my brain is pretty much mush at this point.

It is windy as hell right now. I keep eyeing the big pine tree outside my window to make sure it doesn't fall on the house. Of course, the weather can't decide if it should be sunny and windy, sunny and calm, cloudy and windy, cloudy and windy as fuck, raining sideways because of high winds or some various combination of those previously mentioned.

I went out to dinner with a few friends this past Friday night. Had the fish instead of the steak. And y'all thought you knew me so well! We'd stopped at the sex-toy store before dinner. It was actually a fun stop and yes, I did make a few purchases. John is the only one that gets to know what I bought.

The Child is still perpetually grounded. Yesterday I caught her using my laptop instead of doing her homework. In addition to not doing her homework, she hadn't done the list of three chores that I left for her to do. This being the day after I did ALL the laundry in the house AND scrubbed her shower out for her AND cleaned the kitchen while she was down at the lake with her friends. (Occasionally on the weekends I'll surprise her and let her out of the house, if for no other reason than to give me a break from the constant sighs of discontent.) She did sort of make me laugh as I was making dinner. She came in and said, "Mom, I know how much this sounds like I'm sucking up, but really, I'm very sorry about not admitting to using your computer. I promise I won't do it again."

To make up for it (or to get back at me...I'm not quite sure which) she put my hair in pigtails this morning. I feel like I'm five. She thinks I look "cool".

Nothing else is really going on right now. Not much new is blooming yet in the garden so there isn't much point in going out there to take pictures. Work is still going well. I'm still arguing with the Child about the colored bands that will go on her teeth in a few days. I'm tempted to let her go ahead and do the black like she wants....just so that she has to live with the icky look for weeks. After that I can just exert executive rule and pick the colors. I'm bossy like that.

04.23.2004

Go read this.

Now go look here. What I really want you to look at is the picture. I want you to click the little link that says "enlarge". I want you to see it.

Are you offended? Are you saddened? Are you shocked to see the photo?

Over 700 Americans have lost their lives in Iraq. According to "policy", you shouldn't see them once the smiling pictures have been posted to the various websites and televison screens. You shouldn't see them because it jolts you back to the reality that they are dead. Those are dead soldiers underneath those flags. Those are dead fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and friends. Dead. "Policy" seems to dictate that the last image you should have of those brave souls is some old picture from the archives. Pictures from a happier time. Pictures that show you the living, not the dead.

I cannot imagine the grief that the families of those killed must feel. I don't want to imagine it. I don't want to...and neither do you. The government doesn't want you to imagine it. It is too easy for someone to stand up in front of a podium and tell you how great things are going. If you see the pictures...well, that doesn't look like things are well, does it?

If each casket had a little sign sticking up telling you who was in there, that would be an invasion of privacy. As it is, each identical casket coverd with an identical flag, carefully held in place...it shows you the respect that is paid to a fallen fellow soldier, sailor, airman or marine.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for the military and civilian personnel that are tasked almost daily with transporting the remains of the dead. I sit here in my chair, in my home, my child and belongings around me and those pictures make me cry. I don't think that I could do their job. I don't think that I could stay composed enough after seeing just one casket, let alone an airplane full of them.

I really don't care if you think we should be "there" or not. I really don't care if you agree that the pictures shouldn't be shown. Almost every day heros are being killed. My tears are the respect I show.

4.21.2004

Fear me! I hooked up two TiVos without any help AND got the VCR to work and record.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go gaze longingly at my sweet, sweet new toys and wait for them to completely set up so I can really have some fun!

PS to my little sister - You guys PAID to have someone come do this for you??

4.19.2004

This "being a good parent" stuff is fucking hard.

My head is hurting so bad right now I could just about cry.

I just got back to work a little bit ago from picking up the Child from school. She called and said she had a headache and the nurse said her temp was a touch over 99. I went and picked her up and took her straight home. Thinking ahead, she was smart enough to get the assignments for the rest of the day. This would be because she got her ass chewed yet again this morning for lying to me about having homework done.

I don't know what makes her think that I'm stupid enough to believe her now. It was made quite clear to her that the level of trust in her has dropped to about zero. I have talked and talked and talked and talked about her decisions and yet she keeps making the same stupid decisions. Yet again, everything has been taken away. No distractions. Nothing else to occupy her time besides her homework. If she finds the internet or TV or radio so enticing as to keep her from doing her homework and thus "forcing" her to lie to be about the fact that it is done, well then I'll just take it all away.

I want to believe her. I want to think that she's making good choices. I would like to stop needing to contstantly be on her ass about every single thing she does. When I do...she just ends up making bad decisions again.

How do you make your child have new friends? How can you convince a child that surrounding themself with "good" people makes their life so much easier? How do you make a child understand the whole "guilt by association" idea?

She just called me to let me know that she's still working on her homework and that she'd "clean up around the house" when she's done.

Think she knows she fucked up again?

4.16.2004

I just purchased my Mother's Day, Anniversary, and Birthday presents. John, don't read the italic lines...OK?

I got two TiVos! They had a special on the website and, since I'm not picky, I got two refurbished units with the full warranty...for $100 each (once I turn in the rebates). You just can't beat that with a stick, ya know?

OK John, you can start reading again here.

Honey, I should be sending you lots and lots of new tapes soon, really! You will enjoy the new toy!

04.14.2004

So I wrote a big check yesterday to the orthodontist. The Child gets her braces on the 29th. I already nixed the request for black bands on the braces.

Why does her getting braces make me feel so much older? Like I should be more responsible or something? Taking her in there, writing that big check...I felt really old.

She's almost excited about getting the braces. No, I have no idea why either. What can I say? She's a strange child!

04.13.2004

Today the WildChild has an appointment. I made the appointment for her. In the interest of being a good parent again, I finally called on the referral for her.

To the orthodontist.

I am almost scared to find out how much this is going to cost us. I know she needs it done, and we'll get it done.

Honey, this might mean two years in Iraq, OK? :)

04.10.2004

I need to upload some pictures later today.

We're a little busy today. The Child is in the shower right now. We have to go to my office and clean up a little bit before the Girl Scouts show up to donate some cookies to the shelter. I then have to take her shopping because she has a birthday party to attend this evening. I still don't have the answer on if she is spending the night or if I'm picking her up at 9:30.

I have to bring her Easter Basket in from the truck in a little bit. She hasn't seen me go shopping yet so I'm sure she's wondering if she will get one this weekend. :)

I have a bunch of laundry to do, some gardening to do, some errands to run.

We're outta here!

04.08.2004

Last night I really wished that John was home. It was hard and mentally exhausting and physically draining. It was anguish I tell you!

Yes...I had to fill out all the paperwork for the WildChild to enter high school.

We have a parent's night meeting on the 22nd so that I can hear all about the school and her new classes and whatnot. We picked out some classes for her to take next year. She wasn't all that jazzed about all the required courses and was a bit upset with me that I picked Spanish over an art class. A language class might not be required to graduate here but by golly is is with this mother. She is going to be a busy girl next year but she will thank me when she's a Junior and Senior.

When in the hell did this happen? Wasn't she just entering Kindergarten? When did my child get old enough to have men looking at her and PMS and boys calling the house?

I totally understand why Rapunzel was up in that tower.

Silly Survey

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4.
"...mically, her body frozen in the paralysis of crying children."
The Five People You Meet In Heaven

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My closet door

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Trading Spaces - Home Free

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
7:25

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
7:40

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The Von Bondies playing in the living room

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 30 minutes ago. Watering all my plants.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
IRC

9: What are you wearing?
Tan suede shirt, white t-shirt underneath, black bra, pink leopard print panties, Tommy jeans, white socks, black/red Docs, gold necklace with Double Happieness gold and jade charm, gold wedding band.

10: Did you dream last night? What about?
Probably. Have no idea since I rarely remember my dreams.

11: When did you last laugh?
About 10 minutes ago

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Two photographs of my daughter, two pictures that she drew for Mother's Day when she was 5 and 6, blue clock from Ikea, and I suppose my headboard counts since technically it hangs on the wall.

13: Seen anything weird lately?
Does my child dressed for school count?

14: What do you think of this quiz?
Sort of interesting I suppose.

15: What is the last film you saw?
Better Off Dead on the laptop two nights ago.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
No question...a house!

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I have a freckle on my right ear. It bugs me.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I suppose saying "end all the bad things" is a little too general. No more hate would be a good thing. That might put an end to a lot of things.

19: Do you like to dance?
I used to love to dance. I haven't been out dancing in years and years though. I do miss the occasional slow-dance in the kitchen with my husband.

20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
Fucking nutcase.

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
I called her ****.

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I didn't name him, but his name is Chris. If the WildChild had been a boy...we never picked out a boy name. I would have gone for naming him after John and then called him JD.

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?
You mean again? Sure thing! I'm strange like that!

23: Will you pass on this survey?
Well I suppose that people could take it if they like...but we're not in study hall or anything so I don't see myself "passing" anything.

04.05.2004

So uh, evidently there is a girl at my child's school that was doing piercings on other kids.

I just got a visit here at home from the mother of one of the WildChild's friends. She had just come from the ER with her daughter who now has blood poisoning from one of the amateur piercings. Seems they were piercing the web underneath the tongue.

There are times that I think I have a bad kid. Not today. She may have a strange mother with a pierced tongue and all, but at least she knows that things like that are supposed to be done by a professional, not someone at school in the girl's bathroom.

And for the record...yes, I checked her out. No piercings.

04.03.2004

There are new pictures here.

Yes, I cut my hair.

Yes, I planted a LOT of flowers today. I'm already dying for my hanging baskets to hurry up and grow and bloom. I should have an obscene amount of flowers pretty soon.

I'm trying to decide where to put the morning glory and moonflowers. I was reading on a gardening forum how they will just climb up fishing line, so I might try putting them in the front bed by the rose bush I hate and just stringing line up and down there...like a wall of flowers. Hey, if I did that and it works, I could stand at the kitchen sink naked and do dishes!

The roses are doing quite well, though a few of the new ones don't have much new growth (ok, two aren't showing any at all!) but I fed them today and I'm hoping that all the sunshine for the next week will jumpstart them.

I missed talking to John tonight by about 20 minutes because I was outside finishing up the repotting of the flowers and taking pictures. I always hate it when I miss him because it seems like forever before we get another chance to talk. I do like the fact that I can message him on Yahoo and he'll get it when he logs in. I don't think we've sent an actual email in weeks now because of it.

Other than that, all seems to be well. The child has calmed down a lot, though she still won't tell me why she had the razorblade. She understands the whole grounding thing and that just because I let her listen to music for an hour doesn't mean all punishment is forgiven. She's in the middle of cleaning out her room since I told her it needed to be spotless before she leaves for the summer.

Work is going great. I think I'm going to go buy some pretty violas for the window boxes and plant them tomorrow as a surprise for everyone. We're going to be busy for the next few weeks and that is fine with me. Time seems to just be flying by even though John is gone. I know it is mostly because I'm so busy during the day. I still can't believe it is April already. In a few weeks he'll have been gone for five months. Three more until I can see him again!

I am going to go find something to drink and pop a movie into the laptop, just in case he finds some time to log back in to chat with me. I'd love for him to see my hair :)

03.31.2004

Not a lot going on other than the Child being grounded again.

She lied to me (again!) about her homework and when I went through her bookbag I found a few tardy slips. She takes the bus...there is no reason to be tardy. I also found another damn razor in her wallet. I've talked until I'm blue in the face, trying to find out WHY she would have another one on her. I explained a hundred times about being suspended or expelled. I get a string of "I don't know why I had it" and "I found it" lies, so obviously she isn't going to tell me. I did the cursory look to make sure she's not cutting herself (she isn't) and the razor doesn't even look to have been opened (it is the one-sided kind you would use in a scraper) so I don't think it was used for drugs or anything more illicit than just "having it".

We're back to no TV, no internet, no walkmans, no radios, no playstation...nothing but homework and housework. Her grades went way up when I did it before and then were sliding back down when she got some of those back. I'm just not going to stand for it any longer. If she has to be grounded until she gets on the plane to go visit gran, so be it. For that matter, I've threatened her with just wasting the airplane ticket. The money has already been spent and I'd waste it in a heartbeat if she doesn't shape the hell up.

We have talked and talked and talked about making good decisions and also facing the consequences of bad decisions. She's made some bad ones this week and now has to face the music for lying. I don't know how to impress upon her that these are things she just HAS to do. She HAS to do her homework. She HAS to try her best in school. She HAS to do her chores. She sees me go to work every day, do my laundry during the week, attempt to keep the house at least picked up, etc etc. She thinks that just going to school should be enough, and that since her friends don't have chores to do she shouldn't have to do any either. We're still arguing over the fact that she can't even remember to feed the fish or check the litterbox every day. These are things she has had on her chores list for years...yet she claims she forgets. Every. Single. Damn. Day. She doesn't want to do her laundry because she said she would rather just sit and relax. I swear to you all, I'm NOT making her stand at the washer while it is running! I explained that I like to relax as well but that putting the clothes in the washer takes all of about three minutes and then she can relax for the time that it is running. Another two minutes to put clothes in the dryer and another hour of relaxing. She doesn't get it.

I don't like her friends. I don't like this school system. I would do just about anything to NOT have her be in high school here next year. I am seriously worried about it. Right now, I completely understand why parents pay an arm and a leg for private schools. I would if I could afford it.

Time to go to work and plant roses there.

03.23.2004

Holy cow...when did it get to be the 23rd already?

We're slowly getting the garden all ready to go. Some of the tomato seedlings are now starting to sprout their true leaves. I can't blieve so many of the seedlings are doing so well. I'm going to have to give away some of the tomato plants if they all do this well. I put the spaghetti squash seedlings out already. They were all over the place here in the kitchen and seemed pretty strong. Do they go on a trellis or something? I should probably go get a few anyway. I need some for the flowers anyway.

Most of the roses are sprouting all kinds of new growth. I am just dying for about June/July to get here so that I can see them all in bloom. I go out there in the mornings before work and sort of cheer them on, "C'mon new growth! So pretty!"

The lawn doesn't look nearly as nice as it did last year. Of course, not bad enough for me to consider de-thatching again. I put down some moss-out stuff that has fertilizer in it. Yes John, I remembered to water it afterwards so that it wouldn't burn. We need to spend some quality time out there with a rake getting up some dead stuff and making room for new grass to grow. I think this coming weekend will be dry enough to do some raking and another pass with the lawnmower.

Time to get dressed for work.

03.19.2004

I know, I know...no writing makes for a very boring journal. Whatever.

I did have a lovely afternoon. I spent much of it messaging John in between work. Once things calmed down and I was pretty much wrapped up, I spent a bit of time looking at homes and then pasting the URLs to him. I had to laugh when he asked if we could please look at homes less than $250K. I found some that we could actually afford and he actually liked them. One or two even had pools. My theory on the pool is that if I have one, that is just less entertainment costs for me. I'm quite content to just lay by the pool.

I get to play bad cop again this weekend with the Child. She's supposed to be doing an assignment for her language arts class. She wasn't allowed to bring the book home so I went and bought her one at the bookstore today after work. Her latest excuse is that she doesn't know what is going on in the book because "they talk with southern accents". I told her to pretend she's listening to John's family. She isn't buying it and I'm not letting her watch TV in the meantime. Welcome to my hell.

I have two blueberry plants to find a place to plant tomorrow. I think I will put them in one of the barrels. Last year we had one and I think it was killed by the roots of the raspberry vine. The website told me that two work together best, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more than just a few damn berries this year.

I'm going to go curl up in bed with a book in my hands and an ear open for the TV in the other room.

surprise!

Well obviously I'm doing something right. Just look....

Now as long as she maintains as well as bringing up the one C, she'll be on the A/B honor roll.

Maybe I should just keep her grounded, off the computer and no radios in her room and no TV?

roses for me!

Monica, don't read this entry!

OK. I'm a happy little camper now! I planted eight new rose bushes tonight.

I planted:

Dr. W. Van Fleet

Moonstone

Lavender Lace

Barbara Streisand

Bride's Dream

Silver Shadows

Serendipity

Sheer Bliss

In addition to those, the four on the side of the house are:

Tropical Sunset

Sterling

Pearl Essence

Peace

There is one more at the front of the house and I'm not quite certain what kind of rose it is. If anyone can identify this rose, please drop me a line.

Now I am going to go enjoy a nice cup of tea and wish that it was summer already so that I could be enjoying my flowers!

03.05.2004 part two

Oh, I have nice friends! One just invited me to dinner so I'm going.

And I forgot, there is a whole bunch of new pictures up from John. Go here to see them.

03.05.2004

Remember that part where I said the WildChild was behaving?

Scratch that.

Playing the role of BadCop this evening is me. Unfortunate for her there is nobody else here to play GoodCop...not that I'd let them. I just sent her to her room...no TV, no electronics, no dinner.

I also forbid her to see the friend that she was with. Ever. That girl is not allowed to call my house or knock on my door. It seems to me that every time the Child is with this "friend", she ends up in trouble.

What did she do? She wanted to go hang out at the park with the friend. I gave her 90 minutes because I wanted to go to the store. I told her twice to take her watch and be back at 5:30.

At about 6:15 I got in the car, drove by the park (not there) and then drove up and down all the streets that she could have taken to walk home. About five minutes after I got home I saw her walking up the street. Her excuse is that she forgot her watch and lost track of time. She also claims that they walked home "the long way". I don't believe her and it kills me that she thinks I'm naive enough to believe either lie.

She's grounded again from the computer, TV, radio, guitar...basically anything that she might enjoy doing. And she's not leaving the house except to go to school.

Me? I'm going to open a nice shiraz, enjoy some Friday night TV and call it a night.

03.04.2004

Update on car window: It started working as soon as I pulled into the carport last night. After I'd gone through three gates, opening the door each time to pass my ID card out. Stupid car.

Update on garden: I still haven't planted the roses. They are pretty happy in their little boxes and I'm keeping them damp. I have a meeting to go to this evening but I think we'll do some seed starting while we watch Survivor.

Mini-roses update: One didn't make it, one is already budding. Go figure.

Update on WildChild: Improving in school. Claims to be improving her attitude. Not quite convinced myself, but hey, I'm the mom. Still angry at me for grounding her off the computer.

Update on John: Quiet. Not getting as much email from him as I had been. Did get to spend an hour chatting with him last Sunday morning. Getting a sinking feeling that his box with chocolates and bed sheets (no subliminal message planted in THAT box!) was stolen. Keeping my fingers crossed that it is just taking a long time because it was the heaviest. Putting together another package with Girl Scout Cookies. And no, the Child and I haven't had even one cookie.

Update on house: Still standing. We're taking it as a good sign. We haven't had anything break, explode, leak, drip, drop, or seep on us.

Update on me: Still here, still kickin'.

Dear...

Dear Oregon,

Rock on with your bad self!

Love,
me

Dear Mayor West,

I watched your interview this morning on the Today Show. You keep rockin' on with your bad self as well. Could you perhaps start the same fire under all of your fellow mayors across the US?

03.02.2004

Ya know, I'm pretty damn pleased with myself. All the bills are paid for this payday and I've got a nice chunk of change left in which to pay on our debts. Sending out large checks is scary, but getting back a statement that says the balance is now WAY lower is super great.

I'm hoping to: have a credit card completely paid off, the bed paid off, a trip to Vegas booked and paid for, money saved to gamble, all other bills current and paid up to date. So far so good.

Of course, today was the day the window in the Jetta decided to break again. I'm going with my theory that it knows when I don't really have money to spend on it and picks that minute to stop working again. Shall we take bets that it is working again next payday?

Other than that, not much going on here. Haven't had to try and fix anything lately and I'm taking that as a good sign.

02.26.2004

Under threat of loss of friendship I will update. I should tell you about the conversations that were going on when the WildChild and I were moving all that dirt...

We get all ten bags loaded up. The entire time I am really missing John. Not because I love him or anything...the man is strong, damnit! He'd have loaded up those bags in half the time it took the two of us. We are finally loaded and ready to drive home. We arrive home and the horrifying thought strikes me. We have to now UNload all the dirt. Despair starts to set in. Agony can't be far behind, right? I come up with a plan...

We realize that there is just too much dirt on the tarp and we start to carry them one by one into the back. I really start missing John again. A lot. A real lot. So much in fact that now I'm mad at him. Why do I end up doing this crap? I'm the one that de-thatched the lawn. I'm the one that then had to rake all that crap up. I'm the one that has to carry all this dirt. Fucker! I hope it is cold there! I hope it snows! (sidenote: It really did snow on him in Iraq. I'm still waiting for the pictures)

There isn't a lot of conversation for the next hour. We laid out some heavy plastic to protect the siding on the house. We drug large bags of dirt close to the sides of the planter and stabbed at them with scissors until they opened. We live in Washington. The Pacific NorthWe(s)t. Imagine my surprise when I figure out that we've been carrying bags of WET dirt. Imagine my dismay. Imagine my anger. Imagine...well imagine whatever the hell you want.

We emptied all ten bags into the largest of the planters. I was very, VERY sad to figure out that we needed to go back to the store.

The conversation pretty much stopped between the WC and I. She was pissed that I was making her help. I was pissed that John didn't do all of this before he left.

Someone please remind me that the next time he wants (ok, or NEEDS) to leave for an extended period of time, I should hire a strapping young thing to do things like move and carry heavy shit for me. If he looks good doing those things in a thong, all the better!

Marriage

mar·riage ( P )
n.

The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
The state of being married; wedlock.
A common-law marriage.
A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
A wedding.
A close union.

Ya know, I was doing just fine, having a good time reading about all the lovely weddings happening in San Francisco. I had some flowers sent anonymously to a couple waiting in line. I shed tears reading stories about lifelong partners finally having a slip of paper that says they are married. I continually just kept thinking how totally cool it is, this "thing" that is happening in San Francisco.

Then today the damn President had to open his damn mouth and state that "Our government should respect every person and protect the institution of marriage," he said. "There is not a contradiction between these responsibilities."

Not a contradiction? How can you respect every person yet say that a certain set of people should not have the same rights and privileges that the rest of America have? Who said he gets to decide what the definition of marriage is, anyway?

There are couples in this country who have spent their lives together. Couples who have, for all intents and purposes, been married without the benefit of a slip of paper saying it was legal. Couples who have pledged their lives to one another (as is done in a marriage) and, besides being partners of the same sex, provided a wonderful example of what marriage can be. That is: being with someone in good times and bad, think and thin, richer and poorer...the works. And doing it for decades at a time. Doing it for decades knowing that legally they have no rights, no benefits of being a spouse. Doing it because they love one another and, really now, isn't THAT what marriage is supposed to be? Don't we get get married because we find "the one" and want to grow old with them, share our lives with them? Don't we get married not only for love but tax and social security benefits once we reach our golden years?

I honestly can not fathom why people are so afraid of gay people getting married. What is the threat? It isn't like we heteros are setting a stellar example some days. Yes Britney, I'm looking at you. What is it about gay people being married that scares so many people? Are you afraid they'll leave the blinds up while they have sex? Don't you sometimes leave the blinds up while you have sex? Don't you think that grosses THEM out?

It isn't like gay people are out campaigning and signing up new recruits like the military or, ya know, the Christian Coalition. We are telling a large population of this country that they should be ashamed and stay hidden because it shocks someones sensibilities. We are telling a large population of this country that even though we have separation of religion and state and cannot discriminate based on someone's color, age, disability or religious beliefs, by golly we will discriminate against YOU because you love someone of the same sex.

Love is love. Love doesn't know color or religion or disability or biology. Love just knows love...and we're telling people that their love just isn't the same, isn't enough.

Dear Body

Dear Body,

Look, I had no idea that it was going to take that much dirt to fill up the planters. I really thought we could get away with just ten of the big bags. You were such a trooper, getting those ten bags, lugging them through the store on the cart that didn't go straight. Even loading up the truck...no complaints.

Really, I was sad too when I realized that we needed more dirt. A lot more dirt. Like fifteen more bags of dirt. The poor people at the store wondered where we were putting everything. Then the crazy man who wouldn't shut up was at least nice enough to load the fifteen bags into the truck for us. I think it was very nice of us to listen to him ramble on about his friends on base...just as long as we didn't have to load the truck.

I know you're tired. I gave you a nice, hot, long shower in the hopes that things would stay nice and loose. You moved one thousand one hundred and forty pounds today, give or take since some of the bags were filled with wet dirt.

Please don't hate me in the morning.

Love,
me

2.22.2004

Went out to dinner again last night. Had a perfectly cooked prime rib and double asparagus (no garlic smashed taters for me!). Great food, great conversation....I totally needed that. It is nice to go out and be an adult, ya know?

The Child's school break is almost done. I must admit, I'm glad she's going back to school. I know she finds breaks boring when I have to work all day. She did go through a lot of the clothes in her room and we've got a few bags of clothes to get rid of now. She's such a little pack rat that it is like pulling teeth. "Child...do you really need to keep this shirt from when you were nine?"

John has a window for his R&R leave this summer. I canceled going to my class reunion since that will most likely be the last weekend I can spend with him before he returns. Obviously, spending time with him trumps seeing people that I haven't seen for 20 years.

We're going to go buy dirt in a little bit and start filling up the planters in the back. I also need to get some seed starting flats and start the veggies. The PX finally has the giant bags of dirt in stock and I was very good the last time I was in there...I didn't buy any more rose plants. I ordered six new plants online a few weeks ago and they should start showing up over the next month or so. I'm trying to decide how I'm going to plant the shade-loving rose in the dead zone of the house. I might just try and move one of the barrels into the corner and slap a trellis in it. If John was here, I'd have him build a nice rectangle box with a trellis attached. I'm not quite confident in my building skills yet to try something like that.

I will take some pictures of any progress we make with the planters today. I'm really itching to get them all taken care of and ready for planting.

2.19.2004

Had a wonderful dinner last night with Val. Good food, great conversation....what is there not to like?

I bought the WildChild her ticket to see John's family this summer. She about jumped through the phone to hug me. It is open-ended, so basically she can stay as long or as little as she likes.

Work is going well. Busy a lot of the time with some lax times (like right now) where I have a few minutes to update here or just listen to some music and check all the various email accounts.

I got the most wonderful box from my parents! A Mardi Gras box! How cool is that? We got t-shirts and lots of beads. Mara and I almost flashed each other but then came to our senses since we were standing in the kitchen.

No really, see? I tried to tell you...things are THAT boring around here!

2.18.2004

I swear, I really didn't fall off the face of the earth. Fell on the couch, perhaps. Fell on the bed, maybe. Hid in the house from the rain, oh hell yeah!

I've talked to John two times in the past four days. He was quite upbeat yesterday and had me laughing most of the time. He sounds a lot better than a month ago, that is for sure. He's been getting his boxes at a regular pace now, so that is nice. My little postal experiment worked great. If those fuckers think I'm paying inflated prices to send stuff Priority when SAM mail gets there at the same time...well, they are sadly mistaken. As a matter of fact, he got a SAM box (mailed on the same day, same time) BEFORE the Priority box.

I am so ready for Spring. It is cold and grey and dreary as all get out around here. I could use a few more weeks of sunshine. I really need to get the truck over to Lowe's or something and pick up all the dirt I'll need for the planter in back. I ordered five rose bushes for back there as well as a shade-loving climbing rose that will hopefully be very happy in the little "dead zone" at the corner of the house.

Life is just too damn boring right now. It is too early to play in the garden, it is too cold to spend a lot of time outside. It is to wet to even want to be outside much.

I am meeting my friend Val for dinner tonight. It will be ncie to go out to dinner and have a conversation with another adult!

Everyone could send me $10 so I can take a quick weekend trip someplace sunny. Or big bags of money could fall from the sky, allowing me to quit my job! Or, ya know, monkeys might fly outta my butt.

2.9.2004

My life is pretty damn boring right now. Doesn't make for a lot of journal chit-chat. Like you all really want to read "I woke up, went to work, came home, ate dinner, checked email, went to bed."

I heard from John again and even got to have a quick IM chat with him last week. For now, until they get better internet connections where he works, our chances of being able to IM are close to non-existent. He's doing well as can be expected. Cold, dirty most of the time and he doesn't like the dining facility. Poor man is living on the candy, snacks and ramen that we're mailing to him. Oh, and coffee....lots and lots of coffee!

The WildChild is doing well. She seems to be doing homework each night and as far as I can tell from reading her agenda, she's even doing what she's supposed to be doing. I had to give her a dollar to pay a library fine so that I can get her report card. Still waiting to get it but I think they mail them out. She doesn't have a reason to hide it since I'd gotten the progress reports just before the end of the quarter anyway.

We spent most of yesterday outside raking up leaves in the backyard. I cleaned out the back patio slab and started getting most of the pots ready to plant stuff in a few months. I even pruned the roses, did the initial spray for bugs and all that. I need to hunt around and see what I can find to keep the damn deer out of the flowers. I did find some liquid spray stuff that claims I can even spray it on the grass to keep them out of the lawn. Once the rains stop and the roses start to grow more I'll probably buy some and try it out. At best I'll have lots more roses for the house. At worst, they'll eat them all again like a late-night snack and I'll have some nice stick bushes on the side of the house.

I'm trying very hard right now to stay awake. Even writing about my past week is enough to put me to sleep! I'm going to go upload some pictures and then crawl under the covers.

quickie

Just a quick note. There are a few new pictures up in the Gallery. We mucked around outside for a little bit and raked and pulled weeds and such.

I'm recording the Super Bowl for John right now and really, we're just waiting until it is time for the new Survivor All-Stars to start.

2.1.2004

Got another phone call from John on Friday night. It was so nice to hear his voice and we didn't have the annoying delay this time so it was much easier to have a normal conversation. He's very busy setting up contracts and paying vendors and running back and forth with cash for people. Not sure if I like knowing that but he sounds like he's at least enjoying being busy. He's gotten all but the last two boxes that we mailed so I'm pretty happy that everything has finally found him and that he's stocked with enough candy to last him quite a while.

The WildChild and I are doing OK. She's working very hard in school and has brought up all but one of her grades. Hopefully she'll keep the momentum going and bring them all up to at least C's. We went out to dinner last night at TGI Friday's and had the low-carb dinner. Eh, it was OK. I had the steak and was not impressed. She had the two cheeseburger patties and they looked a lot better than what I got. I know what I'm getting next time we go. We stopped off at hot topic after dinner and picked up a few new shirts for her. We even found another pair of the strappy capris that she loves and they were her size and half off!

We have some errands to run today which is fine with me. Once the Super Bowl starts (I'll record the whole thing for John and mail it tomorrow) we can go out and I'm hoping that places won't be packed. I need to stop by the hardware store and pick up another handle for my toilet which broke this morning. I'll get the nice brass one like I got for the Child's bathroom. I know I could just call the management people to come fix it but they'll only put another crappy plastic one in there that will just break again. It is worth my time and three dollars to just do it myself. I also need to start buying dirt to fill up the planters. Need to find some heavy plastic first. I'm half tempted to plant nothing but roses but we'll save at least one portion for the veggies.

I won some Christmas lights on e-bay that don't look like holiday lights. They are stars on poles, which is probably a crappy description but it is the best that I can come up with now. I can string them along and I think they would look awesome in front of the planter that John built for me. I'm really itching to do some gardening. If it isn't raining later I'll grab the Child and have her help me finish cleaning up all the dead leaves that have found their way into everything. Maybe I can also find some metal poles or something to fix the tent in the back. Or I could just buy a new one and be done with it. Not sure if I'll put it up yet since Spring can get really windy here. I know I need to clean up that back area and see if I can clear out more junk to put everything away. Can't have the Yard of the Year if your carport is a mess!

I need to find a fast climbing, shade-loving plant. Preferrably one that will look nice on a trellis. Any ideas?

Pretty!

I got a present from John today! Look!

Thank you so much John! They are so pretty...I almost hated to bring them home for fear the cats would eat them! They came with two little teddy bears as well. Mara got the red one and, of course, I took the white one with the pink bow.

I love you baby!

Monday Monday...

I know...I'm awful quiet during the week now, aren't I?

Last week was a little stressful, what with the meeting with the principal and all...

See, I got a pretty nasty email from one of the WildChild's teachers about a note that I had written on her progress report. I won't quote from it but let's just say that she offered to teach my child "nevertheless", I guess that means she'll teach her in spite of the fact that she thinks the mother is a raving bitch.

I went and visited with the principal on Friday morning and we discussed moving the Child and the pros, cons and everything in the middle. I'm still pushing for it to happen but we'll see. I happen to think that this would be the opportune time since it is the end of the quarter, but hey, maybe that is just me.

I had to tell John about one of the surprises that is on the way to him. The Child and I spent Saturday morning packing little gift bags for a few thousand troops that are deployed. We had a great time doing it and when I get home from work I will upload the pictures that I took. We tried to stop at Claim Jumper on the way home but the wait at around 2pm was almost an hour and we gave up and just went home.

Amazingly it wasn't raining/sleeting/snowing when we got home and we ended up raking up about five bags of very wet, very dead leaves. I think that some of the crocus are already starting to come up, so I hope the weather starts to cooperate!

I need to go get some seed starters and whatnot for the seeds that came in the mail. I've been researching about when I should be planting this and that and pretty soon it will be time to start the seeds indoors. I've got a few new grow lights to use for the veggies. Pretty soon it will be time to buy roses, too. I REALLY need to start buying some dirt to go in the backyard. I also need to figure out if I'm going to put plywood on the backs of the planters or just use some heavy plastic. I think the plastic would probably work better and I think we can work it around the rocks and such.

Is it Spring yet?

Catching up some more

So I said yesterday that I would type out the whold big drama story from Friday night. I have a hot cup of coffee here and so now I'm ready to go...

On Friday the Child was supposed to go to the movies with E and E's mom. She'd called and told me that I should call when I got home from work to let her know I was home with the money for her. I did call, but instead of talking to my child I spoke with E's mom. Seems that she'd caught the girls smoking in the house and E had thrown a fit and yelled that she was running away. The Child just came home on her own to find a very angry me. I immediately asked her about the smoking thing and even sniffed her fingers to see if they smelled like smoke. She hadn't been smoking at all.

About that time, Child told me where she thought E was going, so we called her mom and told her. Not long after we got a few calls from E herself, who had somehow made it to main base. Again we called the mother with this information. I sat down at this point and had a very long conversation with the Child about smoking, rebelling, running away and why parents get mad and worry. At about nine E's mom called and told us that she'd found E but also that E had run off again and she didn't know where she was. She'd called the police and if E were to show up at my house to please call her. We didn't get any more phone calls from E's mom or E that night. We did talk some more about what was going on and I am certain that I shocked not only myself but the Child by not yelling at any point.

Yesterday we hit the mall and stopped at Hot Topic. The plan was to just get her some socks and maybe a few bracelets or something. A few hundred dollars later we were walking out with two new pairs of pants, new shoes, two new shirts, three new pairs over-the-knee socks, a bunch of bracelets and even a pen. Yes, I was rewarding her for using her head yesterday but I didn't tell HER that.

I'm just amazed that she did, ya know? She said that she does listen to me when I talk to her about smoking and drinking and drugs. I did tell her how proud of her that she didn't smoke and give in to peer pressure. I AM proud of her.

In other great news, I finally got an email from John this morning!!! He sounded tired, if that is possible in email. He asked for a few small things that we'll go buy this week and mail off to him. He said he hadn't showered in five days and was looking forward to taking a nice long hot shower before getting into a real bed. For now he's sharing a little hut (that's what he called it) with another NCO but in a few weeks they will move him to his own hut that he won't have to share. I'm thankful for that for everyone else that might have had to share with him...he snores, loudly! He said that he got a large envelope that I'd mailed to him back at the beginning of December. He also got quite a large number of boxes, so mail is finally catching up with him.

I'm hoping that he can get online again once it is morning for him. I would love to be able to spend a while chatting with him on IM. I'd like to tell him about the Valentine's Day surprise that is on the way from Operation Support Our Troops. The Child and I are going up north next Saturday to help pack off the boxes. I want to take a bunch of pictures of the packing and then be able to get a bunch of pictures from him of the unit getting and opening the boxes. The other two surprised from the Child and I are still going to be a surprise, but he knows to keep his eyes open for them. I can't write them here until he gets them, since he's been reading.

That is about it for now. We're going to finish cleaning house and make sure all the laundry is done for the week. I'll stay up late tonight in the hopes of being able to chat with John. Thank goodness for holidays! This one couldn't be timed better!

Catching up

I really didn't fall off the face of the earth. I swear! When I got the last email asking me if I was OK, I figured I should write something.

No word yet from John. I'm really hope that this is the weekend that he moves north and that I'll get to hear from him. It has really sucked not hearing from him this week. No email, no phone calls...nothing.

Other than checking email obsessively every few minutes (what? He might have gotten near a computer!) I have been pretty busy at work. More reports due, a few more grant applications and the usual office work means that I'm fairly brain dead by the time I get home.

I have been doing my best to get on the treadmill at least five times a week. I didn't quite get there this week, but I'm working on it. We're doing low-carb again and it is so much easier this time without all the popcorn and such that John would bring home. The Child has decided that she doesn't mind eating that way so our grocery lists and shopping just got a lot easier.

I'm off to shower and get dressed. We're hitting the post office this morning and then stopping at the store on the way home. I think a friend from Portland will be in town and I'd like to be done with errands so I can go have lunch with her. I haven't told the Child yet, but I think we're going to the mall to get something for John. Just a little something special, though I know she'll drag me through Hot Topic. She's on a campaign for some over-the-knee socks. Shhhh, I'll probably get them for her but only because I was quite proud of her last night. I'll write all that out later, but she was using her head and I'm happy with that.

Worst phone connection yet

I'm really trying hard to not feel badly about this morning's phone call. I know how horribly the internet is for John right now but our phone connection this morning was way worse than usual and we could barely understand or hear each other. Not a good way to try and have a phone conversation, when you are only getting about every fifth word. We gave up after a few minutes, said our "I Love You"'s again just for good measure and hung up.

I *think* he said that he'd be all moved in a few weeks, and if that is what it takes to get a better phone connection...I'll wait. I'll be sad, but I'll wait for the better phone connections as well as the possibility of being able to do a webcam chat with him. I'm really really hoping that the rumor is true. Just being able to see his face, even on a b/w crappy webcam would be really nice about now.

I'll have to make sure that my trusty webcam is all hooked up and ready to go in the next few weeks. If he has access and can see us when he logs in, I might even consider buying some sort of webcam software. Any suggestions?

I am going to end this and get back to work. Break time is over and I have a bunch of paperwork to still wade through today. John, if you get to read this: I love you sweetie and can't wait to talk to you again. Be safe and keep your head down on the convoy!

short email from John

Just a quick update this morning. Finally got an email back from John. Their internet has been spotty so he hasn't been able to stay on long enough to even send an email. I guess that would explain why the last one was so short.

He's doing fine. Hasn't been able to login long enough to see any of my great snow or ice pictures. Hopefully he'll be able to do so in the next few days. Still wants Korean ramen and socks. Thank goodness a bunch of both are on the way to him.

He misses us, we miss him yadda yadda yadda same same same.

1.7.2004

I have GOT to leave the house tomorrow. I am now suffering from cabin fever and am more than willing to risk life, limb, and bumpers on going to work in the morning.

Um, the house is all clean. We (meaning the Child did most of it as punishment) got the driveway all cleared and ready for my exiting our property tomorrow morning. I think the cats are actively hiding from me now. I've entertained thoughts of trying to make something entertaining out of all the empty boxes and newspapers that need to be recycled. I'm sure if I was more of a crafty person I would have made new drapes from said material by now. Instead they are all sitting in a pile on the floor waiting to be taken out next week. I'm fighting overwhelming thoughts of napping right now.

I wonder if our trash will be picked up tomorrow?

No new word from John since Sunday's phone call. It would seem that either his internet is down again or he's "out and about". I'll just keep thinking the former and pretend that the latter doesn't happen.

I did email him with all the latest drama from across the street. I won't go into details but I will tell you that multiple cars from the MP station and multiple trips from MPs were involved. I will also admit that now my child knows how to spy on a neighbor like a pro. Turn off all the lights and don't get too close to the windows. Oh, and if they are outside and you crack your window, sometimes you can even hear what they are saying! Yeah, I'm a little embarrassed by that but not enough to not do it again. The Child knows what has been going on across the street. She's usually the one to come to me and tell me that there are MP cars at Psycho's house.

When you don't go to work for two days you don't have a whole hell of a lot to talk about in a journal. Realizing that means I should end this, go make dinner and settle myself down with a nice DVD.

Snow Day Pictures

New pictures up in the gallery!

Seeing red

It was bound to happen, right? I'd actually begun hoping that she'd calmed down a bit and things were going to just go sailing along on our somewhat smooth little sea. Then the phone rang this morning and her damn boat sunk.

Seems that the Child had a razor with her yesterday. I wasn't quite understanding what the teacher was talking about but I understood "razor" and "playing" and "Child'sNameHere". What upset me the most was the lie she told the teacher. "My father used my bag and left it in there!" She is lucky I haven't killed her for that lie alone.

She claims that she found the razorblade (because that is what it was, lest your mind picture a pink Daisy razor like I was) on the ground somewhere. It is a lie, we both know it is a lie, yet she won't tell me who gave the razorblade to her. All I know is that she didn't get it here since we don't use them.

She's grounded. I screamed and yelled then took all the electronics out of her room, banned her from using her new entertainment room and sent her to her now quiet room. I will take it all and box it up if I have to just to keep her from using them when I am not around.

I can be quiet permissive when she's being good. Unfortunately I can also be a complete hard-ass when she's in trouble. She knew the risks, took them and lost. I'm still mad as hell so I don't feel sorry for her in the least.

Snow...

It is snowing. Again. Someone please tell me when I moved someplace where it snows this much, because I don't recall this being in my contract. I signed up for rain, not this damn snow!

I added a few more pictures in the gallery under the cleaning house section. I'll post a few more that I took this morning once I yank them off the camera.

I'll be glad when the Child goes back to school. I woke her up this morning at 10am and she was quite the surley little thing! She claimed she was awake until 3am and that I should have let her sleep more. I told her that she'll be in bed tonight by midnight, that school starts on Monday and this "up half the night sleep till noon" thing ended yesterday.

She is outside right now since it is snowing hard again. I took some more pictures and will upload them once I'm done here. She's going to be a frozen child pretty soon, so I'll be ready to make her some hot chocolate.

I'm going to go do some laundry and email a friend. I was supposed to drive up north this afternoon and do some freelance work for someone....so not going to happen. I'm not worried about my driving but everyone else out there scares me. I'll just stay home and putter around here, enjoying my clean living room and maybe watching a marathon session of my West Wing dvds.

Stay warm and dry!

Cleaning house...

I am so tired. A good tired, but tired just the same.

The Child and I worked our butts off today cleaning out the third bedroom so that she can take it over as an entertainment room. We got all John's stuff put into his closet somehow and even got the doors shut! Then we moved the weight bench out as well as the treadmill. I only scratched the floor a little bit, I swear!

In addition to the room for the Child, I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom and door to door. Let's just say that I probably should not have waited so long to do that. It is all clean now and woe to the Child if she doesn't clean up after herself!

Tomorrow we'll take a few more boxes out to the storage shed and try to make a bit more room in the living room. I'll finish up the laundry and then sit back in my clean living room and enjoy the rest of my clean house. Then I'll fall asleep.

BackBite in reivew, 2003

It has been one hell of a year, hasn't it? We've spent close to half of it with John gone. Only about 320 days until he can come home.

I started off the year working in a job I loved for a company I hated. There are still days that I miss teaching but for now I am just grateful that I'm not working there any longer. Not long after the year began, John was off and deployed. We had talk of weapons of mass destructi0n, theories about terrorists, and, in March, the first letter from my son. Not a great way to start the year save the letters and communicating with Chris.

This Spring and Summer found me enchanted with my new garden and the doting mother to four new rose bushes. At least I got in a few good pictures before the deer ate them all. I learned some lessons about growing tomatoes (don't over-fertilize and really, don't let John near them!) and decided to go all out next year so we built a huge flower box for me. Later in the summer came the highlight of the year. Meeting Chris for the first time was simply amazing. We're still communicating by email so it is all good. I will be glad when he has more time and his own place to live. Oh...and he got married a few days ago! I can't wait to see pictures!

The Fall....was not nearly so nice as Summer. Time seemed to speed up to hyper-speed and I found the days just falling away like seconds. Eventually we realized that we couldn't cram everything we wanted to do and say into just a few weeks, and instead just calmed down and enjoyed our last few weeks together as a family. Thanksgiving wasn't so bad and we muddled on through Christmas with the help of friends and family.

Not a day goes by where I don't feel like there is a big gaping hole in my life right now. So often I want to open up my cellphone, say "John", have it call him and be able to hear his voice whenever I want. The past few weeks have been harder since we haven't had regular communication. Supposedly they will have better and constant access when they move again but we've heard that song and dance already so I'm not holding my breath.

2003, on the whole, was a pretty good year. 2004 should be even better, ending with John coming home.

Sometimes I don't mind answering the phone.

I honestly don't know what wonderful diety was smiling down on me today but I got another great phone call from John! Even better was the fact that we didn't get disconnected at all!

He's doing fine. Still dirty and smelly but he said it didn't matter since everyone else smells just as bad. I was paying attention this time and had a pen and paper ready to list all the things that he said he wanted. Good thing we both get paid in a few days!

He said that all the boxes finally found him. I was so happy to hear that! He's quite popular since he got two cartons of cigarettes and a whole bunch of candy and coffee. They don't have a TV/VCR right now but should within a few weeks.

I had to laugh. He kept telling me that they watched this movie..."Ode to my Brother" and I kept telling him that I didn't know what movie he was talking about. He said we have the DVD. I told him he was nuts. Then he said something about prison and the 40's. Everyone else know what movie he watched? That's right..."Oh Brother Where Art Thou?" That right there would be why John is usually banned from singing along to most songs in the car. He can't remember titles let alone lyrics to songs!

It was so nice hearing from him again today. He said he'll be able to email in a day or so, so that will be nice as well. While he's waiting for me to mail off the blank CDs and cases he printed out a few pictures and will mail them back to us. I really can't wait to see all the pictures that he's taken. He said he's been using the camera a lot, so it should be interesting at least.

Now I need to go figure out where my child is. She hasn't come home from her friend's house yet and I have no idea if she's coming here or staying there tonight. I'm so keyed up from getting to talk to John that I'm going to go put this energy to use and clean house while I wait for her.

Going back to work...finally

I feel like it has been forever since I've been to work. I was so paranoid about not waking up to the alarm that my body woke me up at about 4:45am and wouldn't let me go back to sleep.

I'm ready to go back to work. Sitting around with so much time to feel sorry for myself is never a good thing. Not that I had much of that until last night, but you know what I mean. After the Child left with her friend to go spend the night over there I sat around thinking about what I could be or should be doing. I decided that life wasn't going to end if my kitchen floor wasn't mopped for one more day and sat around looking at homes for sale. Anyone want to give me $219K? I found the perfect house. Nice and old (built in 1923) and plenty of room. A front porch that spans the entire front of the house. Hardwood floors that made me want to weep. A fireplace not only in the master bedroom but in the master bath! A clawfoot tub! I would never leave the bathroom in the winter time! Oh how I want a big, old house. Well, any house really.

I have lots of work to do this week, the first being calling our DSL provider and having them help me figure out why our wireless network won't work with the router provided by them. Sure, DSL is great and all, but so far I am the only one able to use it. I should share, huh? Cleaning off my desk would also be a wonderful thing now that we're done with all the grant applications. I got a small chunk of it cleaned off on Christmas Eve but then left it all to go home and enjoy the holidays. It is the end of the month so there are a ton of reports and such that also need to get done this week.

No email yet from John. I did send him a nice long letter for him to read once he finally gets back to base camp and has computer access again. Hopefully we will have a few weeks of being able to email back and forth before he loses access again. I am dying to know if any more of my boxes made their way to him yet. The article in the paper said that they are finally working out all the kinks in the mail system and that pallets of mail arrived in camp the day before Christmas. Of course, he wasn't there to get any but he should be any day now. We're going shopping again for him this Wednesday and putting together another few boxes for him. I've also got my eye on a special surprise for him but I'm waiting for an email on the item. If I get it I know he'll love it! It will stay a surprise for now.

I'm sure my brain is around here somewhere...

I certainly need to have my head examined. I don't know what came over me, but I allowed the Child to have three friends over last night. Tonight was going to be two but there is just one. I can't say that I'm sad about that fact.

I watched Nightline last night like John instructed but there was nothing on there about the Strykers. I did end up watching a very interesting segment on CNN that showed the raids in Samarra with the 4th ID. I'm not quite sure if they had some kind of firm date for airing something but I'll watch and tape on Monday just in case.

We stopped at the shopette on the way home tonight and picked up some ice-cream, a few movies to watch and the Time magazine that has the soldiers on the cover. There is a pizza in the oven that should be ready in a few minutes. I am going to go eat some pizza, have a few bites of ice cream and watch movies with Extraordinary Gentlemen or Pirates! It is finally QUIET in here and I'm going to take full advantage of it.

...and then the phone rang

Before I get into that, I need to thank my friend Val for inviting the Child and I up for Christmas. We had a wonderful day and I ate way too much and it was just perfect. Thank you so much! Oh, and I'm sorry I did so poorly at Scrabble...I'm still kicking myself over the 'jihad' word!

So we left Val's house at around 7ish. It was raining a little bit at her house but nothing major. Right about the time I asked the Child to stay awake and talk to me (which prompted her to fall right asleep!) it started to snow/sleet/rain/snow again. For about 45 minutes it was pretty sucky driving. I hopped on the express lanes since I figured there would be less traffic. I was correct and then found out that part of the drive is under other freeways, therefore not snowing on me! I'm driving along, watching for the overpass to end and getting ready to turn the wipers back on. Imagine my surprise when I finally merge back onto the interstate and it is bone dry. Like I'd just imagined all that bad weather! Welcome to Washington, where you can drive a mile and have the weather change completely!

Oh...we stopped at the gate when we were coming home. We gave all the gate guards working a large baggie full of cookies that we'd baked. That felt pretty good.

I was exhausted when we got home so I finally decided to lay down and take a nap from 10-11pm. I wanted to get up to watch the news since John had said to watch. I had sorta come out of the fog of sleep when I heard the phone ring. I had one of the handsets in bed with me, so I glanced at the Caller ID. The Child answered before it popped up. I think we both just assumed that it was one of her friends. Imagine our surprise....it was John!

He's doing well, if not cold and very dirty. I have to keep telling him that he's got about a million boxes on the way to him. He's only gotten one box, and that was a box with tins of chocolates and peppermint bark for the holidays. His radio and extra international foods coffees should have arrived at the same time. Then there are the five other boxes with the videos, cigarettes and other assorted goodies for him. His mom, sisters and dad have all mailed boxes, as well as his mother's church group that decided to adopt him. New clean socks and underwear are still big on his list of wants. I might send some of the cheaper socks so that he can just throw them away after a few weeks. There are no regular laundry services or facilities out there for them, so getting things clean can be hard. He said he has a few things double-bagged because they were so nasty. I don't even want to imagine the smell.

So he called, and it was a wonderful way to end a day that was as nice as it could be considering the circumstances. I tried very hard to explain to Val how talking about John here makes me feel like I'm walking a very fine line. I don't talk about him to get sympathy from anyone. I don't talk about him to make it seem like I am somehow better for living through this. I talk about him because it makes me feel better, because he reads this and knows what is going on with us. I talk about him because I DO miss him all the time, especially this month. This is the month that makes me want him out of the Army and us living close to family. I talk about it because people should know what it is like for a military wife to be apart from her husband for long periods of time.

Christmas 2003

We've opened all of our gifts. We've talked to most of our family. We ate a wonderful Christmas breakfast burrito/enchilada cassarole thing made with sausage and eggs.

I have posted all the pictures in the gallery. There is more WildChild goodness than you can shake a stick at!

We're going to get ready to head out to a friend's house for christmas dinner and some games. I'm going to pack up a big bag of cookies to give to the gate guards when we come home. I think they could use some holiday cheer.

John, if by some miracle you get near a computer today...we miss you horribly. Christmas morning just wasn't the same. Next year we will all be with family! We love you....please stay safe.

Christmas Eve, 2003

Work was really nice and fast this morning. I hooked up our DSL at work (YAY!), had one family come pick up their gifts and delivered the last family theirs at around 10am. Once I got back to the office my boss called, asked how things were (quiet...very quiet!) and then told me to go home. Our intern said she would stay until noon when the outreach office closed. I also told her to take home all the goodies that people had dropped off that morning. Like I need more cookies in this house? We did all our baking last night and I don't think that the WildChild and I have even eaten one cookie.

I came home and the Child had her friend E over. I hustled her into getting ready to leave and the three of us headed out to the PX to get our stocking stuffers. The Child and I each took a little hand basket and decided to meet over by the DVDs in 40 minutes. I'll admit right here and now that perhaps I went a bit overboard on her stocking stuff. She got: pens, chocolate, Almond Roca bits, a SpongeBob talking doll (small...and stuffed animals are a requirement for our stockings), some hair clips, six packets of temporary hair color stuff (red, pink and blue, 2 each), sparkley lollipops, a flat iron for her hair, some "cool" hair care stuff that was about four times as much as any shampoo that I use on my hair, a new hairbrush, a watch with a velcro band so that she can't break the buckle, a soap bag thingy that holds a bar of soap that you can hang in the shower, a nice smelling bar of soap since the soap bag thingy needed some, a small silver ear cuff, and, finally, a portable CD player since she recently killed hers. It is cool and has little faceplates where she can change the colors on the player and the headphones.

Holy crap, that was too much, wasn't it?

Checking out was pretty hilarious. I had about three people in line between her and I and all of them stood so that she couldn't see what I was putting on the counter. The checker double bagged everything in smaller bags and then double bagged all of it together in a large bag. I then had to stand off to the side and pretend that I was REAL interested in the disposable cameras while waiting for the Child to be rung out. The checker wouldn't let me come back over until she'd bagged everything. The best part? When the person behind the Child sighed a bit too loud and the checker shot her a look and said "The child's father isn't here and her mother needs to pay for the items, do YOU have a problem with that, sir?" He didn't.

I'll be honest here. I'm doing my best not to cry. Today is much harder than I though it was going to be. I have all this great holiday music but I listen to some of it and my eyes start to well up with tears and I have to turn it off. I baked all of our normal holiday goodies and don't care to have any of it.

We were going to do our normal deli-tray dinner for Christmas Eve but I just couldn't do it. John and I always had a nice time making up the trays and cutting and slicing and trying to keep the Child out of things until it was time to eat. What did we have instead? Christmas tacos! Actually they were leftovers, but good just the same. I have some roast beast to have tomorrow night once we get home from Val's house if we haven't already eaten ourselves silly.

I know I'm not going to get an email from him. I know I'm not going to get a phone call. I just hope that he is safe and warm and gets a chance to eat something good for Christmas.

We're going to have some cookies and milk in a bit, throw Christmas Vacation into the DVD player and lay in my big bed watching TV with the cats.

The stockings are laid by the shelving with care, the presents are laid out and ready to open in the morning. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

12.23.2003

Just uploaded some pictures in the gallery. Enjoy!

Flat

I have two families left that are picking up presents today. I have one family to deliver to at 10am tomorrow morning. Work has finally slowed down and I am quite thankful for that.

I still have to get stocking stuff for the Child. She wants to get some for me, as well, so I suppose I will get her stuff today after work and then take her to get mine tomorrow when I leave work. We have cookies to make tonight and a pie to bake tomorrow.

I am almost ready for Christmas even though it might well be the 4th of July as far as my excitement is concerned. I care that the Child enjoys her presents and talks to her grandparents and, in general, has a nice day. I could care less about the rest of it. I don't want anything and even had a tough time coming up with the one DVD that the Child got for me. Like that disc or the skunk I saw the other day on the drive to work...everything is just flat right now.

I drive to work and I can't listen to the Christmas music channel on the radio because it will make me cry. I don't really care if I watch any of the holiday shows on TV. Flat. Very flat.

I keep telling myself that I can make it this month. That we're just doing the hardest parts first and that this should be the end of it. I certainly hope I'm not lying to myself.

12.23.2003

I am still sick. I was asleep last night before 9pm, which is probably good since I needed more sleep. Thankfully the Child isn't having people over until Friday now.

I think we've become snobs. No really...we have. I remember going into Dollar Stores and being able to find a few stocking stuffers or something. We went in last night and just about laughed ourselves silly and left without buying anything. And really, there was a part of me that felt really bad about the people that perhaps had to shop there. But we couldn't do that ourselves. The Child actually said a few times "Uh mom, really, we can skip the stockings this year if these are our options." I've spoiled her, haven't I? She normally gets European chocolates in her stocking and hard candies from exotic places and, of course, an orange for the stocking toe.

She made me promise to give her some money at the beginning of January so that she can go shopping for me. I agreed. Now...if I could just convince her that Hot Topic isn't quite the place to shop for Mom...

Bow down before my commissary skills!

So the WildChild and I lounged around for most of the morning. She made us breakfast (biscuits, hash browns and some scrambled eggs) and we both putzed around online for a while.

The phone rang at about 2ish...it was John! The Child is getting good at looking at the Caller ID to see if it is her friends. She didn't recognize the ID on the screen, but it was AT&T something-or-other and I remembered it from when we'd missed his call. Anyway, we both got to talk to him for a few minutes. He asked a lot of questions about what has been in the news lately. I don't know if I should be looking for something else or what. He did mention something about watching a specific show on the 26th and that they have a LOT of reporters with them right now. He's cold and tired but he sounded OK. He said he hasn't gotten any of the boxes that I've mailed. I'm a little surprised that at least the first two haven't made it since I mailed them off almost three weeks ago. I did let him know that there were about five or six more mailed last week. Hopefully he will get them soon. I also talked to him about the picture situation. He's either got no access or access that is slower than most dial-up, so uploading them himself is pretty much out of the question. What I suggested to him was my mailing him some blank CDs in cases and padded mailing envelopes. Then he can just burn a CD every few weeks and mail it to me and I can upload them from here.

After that uplifting phone call we decided to head off to the store for one last grocery trip before the holidays. First we had to stop at the PX so that she could buy my present (Pirates of the Carribean special edition set) and I could cash a check. We then went to the commissary and I figured it shouldn't be too busy since every last person on the damn base seemed to have been at the PX. Evidently they bussed in more people, because it was crowded everywhere.

Our list was pretty specific. Lots of baking things since we want to make cookies. You would think that a large grocery store would probably think "Hey, it is the weekend before the holidays and people will want to be baking and cooking...perhaps we should stock up on those kinds of things!" You would think that...but you would be wrong. The Child and I? We have mad shopping skills. We tag team the cart while it is moving from aisle 1 to aisle 20. She runs off for ground beef when we decide to make tacos, I'll run back an aisle to get something else when she returns. We hit the spices and baking area. Not one bottle of vanilla was to be found. I knew I needed some since my tiny bottle at home was just about empty. Everything calls for damn vanilla. I looked up and there was ONE bottle sitting with the flavoring oils. I nabbed it quickly and placed it gently in the cart. I walked a few steps and looked for light brown sugar. I needed two boxes. I found two boxes shoved down on the bottom shelf waaaaaay in the back. We walked around the corner to find the chocolate bits and bites. I found ONE bag of white chocolate chunks. ONE bad of whole walnuts. They are now both in my possession.

I wasn't really thinking much about our luck with finding all of the cookie stuff that we needed. Then I got stopped by three different women, eyeing my bottle of vanilla and asking in an almost panicked tone, "Where did you find that??!!" Another woman asked me where they were hiding the brown sugar.

The Child and I? We totally scored at the commissary with our shopping skills.

Done!

I did it! I finished all the shopping for the WildChild!!! Of course, I can't write what I bought her because occasionally she looks at the webpage and I'm sure she's checking it out every now and then to see if I slip up and mention what I bought for her. Let's just say that she'll be happy, OK?

The PX and the mall were crowded as hell. I probably spent more time in traffic just getting places than I actually spent shopping. The computer systems were down at the checkout at the PX so I had to write a check instead of using the debit card. I suppose the good thing is that I'll have more money for the presents that I'm buying for John and I at the end of the month.

I've decided that the WildChild should have a room to entertain her friends. We're going to take the third bedroom and turn it into a teenage lounge of sorts. I'm taking out the treadmill and weight bench and the huge corner desk. I'll put the bar-height table in there and put the computer on it and they can sit on the barstools. Then I'll find a cheap coffee table for the TV and PS2 and such to sit on. I can put the futon mattress on the floor and then throw some big floor pillows down so they can lounge/lay/sit while playing games or whatever. I found some cool paper star hanging lamps that we can put in there so that they don't have to use the ugly ceiling light. She's already asked if we can paint the walls. I'm not so sure about that but we'll see. I'll be glad for her to have a place where she can sit with her friends instead of taking over my living room all the time.

I have to go look up cookie recipes now. She's having a friend or two over to make cookies and spend the night tomorrow. I'll have to go to the store and make sure that I have everything. Making sure that they have food to eat would probably be a good thing as well.

Time to go take some sudafed, drink some coffee and soldier on with my evening.

Home

I should be sleeping. My head is swimming with this head cold yet I can't sleep. I'm not having a hot toddy, so I suppose if I can't sleep, eventually I just won't care, right?

This month is always hard on me. I miss my family so much and wish that we lived within a reasonable driving distance to each other. I wish that we were closer so that the WildChild could know her extended family more than just through email and phone calls. I sometimes have the most wonderful fantasies about what a holiday would be like if I had my own home in some perfect central location...

My Dad would be there with Eileen (who I certainly hope will be my step-mother someday!) and they could stay for at least a week. Both of my sisters would be there with their husbands and all the kids. All of John's family would be there as well, since I think that everyone would get along famously. There would be time in the mornings to just sit and have coffee with each other. There would be good smells coming from the kitchen at all hours. Huge turkeys and hams and roasts along with many kinds of potatoes and veggies. All of the kids could be in charge of not only making the cookies but decorating them.

I want a tradition. I want a tradtion with lots and lots of people involved. The Child having friends over during the holidays to make cookies or sit around and gossip. My sisters and I in the kitchen together, cooking and talking and just spending time together.

I want a home. A home I can have people visit. A home I can decorate. A home that I can make so inviting that nobody wants to leave. A home where I can unleash the inner Martha with a bang.

This doesn't feel like home.

This hardly even feels like Christmas, if truth be told.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

Hi! How are you? How is Mrs. Claus?

I know it has been quite a long time since I have written a letter and I would like to apologize for that. My optimism and hope seem to have waned in the past years. I'm back to writing though, and hope that you will understand.

This year I'm asking for things for other people. For example, today I have about three different organizations that are dropping off presents for about twelve of our homeless families. Can you please make sure that nobody has wrapped up used summer clothes thinking that it would make a nice present? Can you please make sure that the kids aren't getting used toys with all the stickers ripped off and broken buttons...toys that no other child would want to play with. Can you please make sure that the teens aren't getting clothes that are so out of date they wouldn't be caught dead in them? Can you also make sure that the mothers and fathers get some kind of nice gift for themself? Something like a nice bath set or even a gift card to GIJoes would be nice.

And Santa? One last thing...my husband is out with the troops that are doing raids in Iraq right now. While I would like to believe that he didn't want to go, I know him and know that he'd send himself before his own troops. Could you pretty please make sure that he is safe and sound? Could you please make sure that he knows how much he is loved and missed back here at home? How hard this holiday will be without him and how we're forcing ourselves to at least try to be in some kind of holiday spirit.

Thank you Santa.

Love,
me

Of tissues and toddys

I think that the WildChild is seriously beginning to wonder if I am going to buy her ANY Christmas presents. There is nothing under the tree. I haven't been out shopping without her, so she knows that it isn't like I am hiding things.

That leads us to today. You know what happened since I HAVE to go shopping this coming weekend, right? Yup. I am sick as all get out. My head feels like it is stuffed with lead and I'm not sounding too hot either according to my boss.

I am thrilled that tomorrow is Friday and that I will have some time to relax this weekend and, hopefully, recover from the cold. But then there is that whole "must go shopping for the Child" thing. I know most of what I am going to get her, so hopefully it won't take me forever and I can get in, get out, get it wrapped and be done with it. THEN I will go home and collapse in bed with a box of tissue and the remote.

John, if you are back and reading yet...I miss you bunches. I don't have anyone to make me a hot toddy and pat my forehead and tell me that I'll live. The traitorous cats have stopped sleeping with me while I'm sick since I toss and turn too much. I love you sweetie...only 47 more weeks.

New Docs and not much else

Why didn't anyone tell me that buying things on Ebay can be a lot of fun?? I got some Doc Martens for me and the WildChild. The ones that she REALLY want both end tomorrow, and so far I haven't bid on one pair and am high bidder on the others. I'll describe them once I win the auctions. I also got myself a pair of wine colored Doc boots and a pair of cherry red oxfords. One can never have too many Docs, right?

I think that for the first time in probably years I am getting a cold. I have that ookey feeling in my sinues/back of the throat. I refuse to believe that I'm getting the flu so just hush up about that. I've got some extra C up in the cupboard and I'll slam some before bed and hopefully wake up feeling better.

Last night I fell asleep at about 7 while watching the news. I woke up at about 2am, found the WildChild sleeping on the couch and Oliver yelling at me like he hadn't been fed in years. I drank a glass of water and crawled back in bed to fall back asleep. I think I finally did around 3am. I figure I'm ahead of the game tonight since I'm still awake after 7:30.

I have to go finish the dishes and throw some clothes in the dryer. I don't think there is anything else that MUST get done tonight so then I can lay in bed and just relax and try not to worry about John.

Postal Hell

I was a little glad this morning when I needed to run to one of our houses. I was glad because I rationalized that my being out meant that I could mail all the boxes that were stacked in my back seat. Oh stop laughing, I was being optimistic! Oh, and that UPS Store commercials that says you won't be a "slider"? Totally a lie! I slid for over 30 minutes!

But....everything is mailed. Well, there is still a box of cookies here for John that didn't fit in any of the boxes that went out today, but really...it is ALL mailed!

I was chatted up both at UPS and at the post office. Does having six or seven boxes automatically mean that people should ask you where you are sending everything? I'm just wondering here, because I was asked a bunch of times. UPS was pretty boring though, since I must not have been mailing stuff to places that were interesting enough for more conversation. Tell people that you are mailing boxes to Iraq though and you've got conversation until your number is called! I had two mothers telling me about the people in their church that are deployed and in the same brigade as John. I was nice and let them know that the boxes they were mailing to those guys needed customs forms.

I did get an email from John giving me some information that I had asked for. Then he went and ruined it by telling me that he wouldn't be able to email for about a week because he'd be out supporting the battalion. Did I need to know that? No. Just don't email me...I'll assume that the LAN is down and stay in my blissful ignorance! I really don't want to know that he's out and about. Can't he just tell them that he has strict orders from his wife to stay put and out of convoys and helicopters?

I'm outta here for now. I have to go get a new tree. The one we got seems to have died in various sections. Yes John, we DID check to make sure it is all plugged in and all the blubs are presents. Anyway, a friend is selling their tree for $30 so I'm going to go pick it up. And see if I can talk the WildChild into dragging some of the holiday boxes out of the storage shed while I'm gone.

Strange Days

Yes. I know. He was captured. I got the sweetest emails from my sister and my mother-in-law.

I woke up this morning and there was some infomercial on the TV. I located the remote (uner the cat) and flipped to the local station to watch the news. I was curious if there was anything about the Stryker that had been destroyed yesterday. I'd read a quick blurb about it the night before and wanted to know if there was any more information.

At first I was a little confused. The volume was down so I could barely hear but I was thinking more about why there would be a bald man in DCUs on my TV so early in the morning. I did what any other person would do...I changed the channel to one of the other local stations. There he was again. I figured I should probably pay attention and turn up the volume.

Once I realized what was going on I called the WildChild into the bedroom. She crawled into bed with me and we watched the end of the news conference where you couldn't hear anything but the answers to the questions. She listened for a little while and then asked the most important question in her mind..."Does this mean Daddy is coming home soon?"

I had to say that he wasn't. I don't think he is. As I'm hearing on the news right now, and I'm agreeing with one of our state sentators...there is still too much that needs to be done. Even I, who might not agree with WHY he is there, understand that we can't just up and leave Iraq.

I don't really care right now if this is going to be a political thing or if the President is going to use this to get himself re-elected. I still have a husband in a place where there are bombs on the road and people shooting at them. I still have a husband who I don't expect to see for a year. Is this a big deal to me? Sure, if only because I hope that it means less attacks on all of the troops stationed there right now.

That brings me to my next point, which is something that I have been thinking about for quite some time. There are those people that are protesting near the military bases around here. They claim that they are protesting the war but that they support the troops. Really? Do you really support them? Or are they just words that you flip off your tongue to make yourself and your actions look better? Do you, as a protester, realize that your actions are speaking volumes louder than your words? Do you realize that your actions are telling any soldier that sees you that you think the job he is doing is wrong and bad.

Go protest in front of your senator's office. Go protest in front of the capital. Go protest somewhere else instead of outside my house, OK?

*****************************************************************

In other news, we went shopping yesterday. The mall was absolutely freaking packed but we found a decent parking space. We went in to two stores, got what we needed, looked at a few things that the WildChild might want for Christmas and then we got out of there. We stopped at Michaels to get a few things to finish up the presents we are making. The last stop off-base was at Old Navy. I am happy to report that the Child now has a few more hoodies as well as three new pair of jeans and some new jammies. Well worth every penny. Oh! And I got some really cute Christmas socks!

We went to the grocery store and got some things to mail to John. We also got food but that is boring. I was going to stop at the PX and get a new VCR but we decided to just go home. We'd been out and about for almost 12 hours by this point so we were both pretty wiped out.

I felt stupid because I missed a phone call from John. I didn't realize that my cell wasn't in my purse and he'd called while we were gone. Hopefully he can call today like he said. If not, I sent him some emails.

We still have a ton of things to get done today so I'd better stop writing and get my behind in gear and moving.

Playing Elves today

The WildChild and I are already up and getting close to being ready to leave the house. We're going in to work this morning to help wrap presents for the families in our program. I would like to think that my child is doing this with me because she understands the whole idea of charity and giving...I suspect though that it might just be the fact that the group wrapping today is from a high school and there might be boys.

So far this morning we have done two loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and now, while she is in the shower, I'm baking a few dozen cookies for the volunteers today. It is just 830am. I know...I have no idea what has gotten into us!

We have a bit of shopping to finish up for the presents that we're mailing off. Unfortunately, the shopping that we need to do is at the Mall so I might end up a little damn grouchy by the time we are done. Then we have to hit the commissary. And please kill me now for that, since it is technically payday weekend and it is going to be packed and I promise...I will do my best not to kill anyone or move their carts three aisles over.

On Sunday I really need to buy the Child some new jeans and some pullovers. She has appropriated all of the fleece that belonged to John. I'd like to save some of them before she stretched out all the sleeves by pulling them over her hands. And what is it with teenagers pulling their sleeves over their hands?? All her friends do the same thing...it is like little people with no hands!

Anyway, she's about done, the cookies should be about ready to go so I'm outta here for the day. Have a good one, y'all!

'Tis the Season

My day at work was so much nicer since I could say that I'd heard from John. Everyone was so relieved. They are also bringing me assorted small boxes so that I can mail things to him. After Monday I'll have probably close to 10 going out I would imagine. Two that have been packed for a few weeks and about 6-8 more smaller ones with all of the things that he's asked for.

I finally got an email from our DSL provider letting me know when we'd be up and running at work. As of next Tuesday we will no longer be fighting for the phone line to use the dial-up! We all think that is a good, good thing.

After work I brought the WildChild with me to the local newspaper. Each year they have a big "gifting" for local shelters. There must have been 12 HUGE tables filled with all sorts of things. Everything from pots and pans and dishes to various kinds of bedding to winter coats in all sizes to clothing to toys and games for the kids to my favorite....LOTS of books. I must have packed up three boxes of books for the kids in our shelter. I had a wonderful time and so did the WildChild. She even offered to be on "another team" since they didn't have many helpers and we probably had too many. It was all very good natured what with people claiming to have licked all the items on a particular table just so that nobody would take them and "giving" presents from things found on the table.

We finished up there and totally filled up the back of the Rodeo...and I'd even flipped the seats down! We're talking full from side to side and top to bottom. WildChild and I hightailed it out of there, raced back to the office, unloaded it all on our own and were pulling out of the driveway before anyone else showed back up! I really wanted to make it in the back gate since it would mean we'd be able to tape all of Survivor for John. We just barely made it back in, popped in the tape and settled in for our weekly SurvivorFest. I'll be glad to get all these extra tapes out of here for a while!

I can't wait to get to work tomorrow and start sorting out all the things we got for our families!

News

I heard from John. He is fine. I cried.

I made the decision on Tuesday evening to discuss the news with the WildChild. We sat down in the living room and I told her what had been on the news. I was getting a little concerned that she might hear it somewhere else. Not that I think she's watching the news on the sly or anything, but I wanted to make sure she heard it from me and not some other, sensationalized source.

We talked about what had been in the newspaper and on the television. She looked a little worried until I told her a few times that it was a Stryker, which isn't something that Dad drives or rides in. She asked a few more questions which I couldn't answer, like when will he call or email again?

Talking to your child about sex? That's the easy shit, trust me.

Just the beginning

I spent today at work both busy and angry. During the times that I was busy, I was thankful that I wasn't angry. I got a few things completely taken care of and broke some crappy news to my boss that turned out to be exactly what we needed in trying to order our broadband for the office. I typed up a bunch of things and folded stuff and put labels here and there and made a general mess of my desk...but I was busy.

I was angry at what is supposed to be known as a Family Readiness Group. I am angry that while my name is there on a list, I don't seem to be part of one. I am angry thinking about wives that were specifically told what the procedure would be and then having all that thrown out the window and just being kept in the dark.

This stuff is all over the news, especially around here. Soldiers are dead. Soldiers from our brigade. I am angrier after reading some posts from other wives in the same brigade, hearing that their phone trees were all activated and everyone was called and basically told, "It is OK...don't worry." If I'm supposed to be calling the people on my list, what in the hell should I be saying to them? At least a little direction would be nice right at this point.

I know that this is just the beginning. I know that I will probably be having these feelings over and over again for the next year.

Gee, only about 49 more weeks go...

I really would like a new neighbor

I wanted to update real quick just to state how amazed I am that other people have gone through the same thing as mty trauma this past Friday night!

My boss, after laughing about psycho trying to kick me out of my own house, told me about a similar experience she had with someone that she'd gone to high school with. I was shocked! And, well, it made me feel a little bit better knowing that I wasn't the only person to have been sitting in amazement while someone got drunk and rude.

Updated a few hours later....

So I came home after work and login to check email and whatnot. Out of habit I click on the website for my local newspaper. Right there, up at the top, is a breaking news story. Three Stryker Brigade soldiers killed in Iraq.

Common sense tells me that I have nothing to worry about. Common sense tells me that it isn't something that my husband would have been doing at the time. Common sense tells me to just close the browser window and find something else to do.

My common sense isn't very strong. No, I haven't freaked out or anything, but it is breaking my heart thinking about the three families that are about to have bad news brought to their door. I want a phone call or an email telling me that it wasn't someone in my husband's batallion. I want to know that he got to wherever he is going, safe and sound. I want to know that he wasn't even in the convoy that was sidetracked by the bomb.

It isn't like I'm going looking for this news. I can't go without watching the evening news or I feel like a dolt. I read the newspaper and news websites because I like to know what is going on. I do understand WHY they tell us not to watch, but I don't know HOW to go about doing just that.

Won't you be my neighbor?

So my psycho neighbor...

I ran into psycho while the WildChild and I were at the grocery store on Friday night. She alluded to some pretty heavy things going on at her house and, trying to be nice, I said she could come over that evening for a little break. WC and I came home, ate some dinner and put away all the groceries. A short time later, psycho came over and the WildChild went over to entertain psycho's daughter.

For a while it was nice visiting with another adult. And then she started drinking. Very quickly she got drunk and rambled on and on about the things that are making her unhappy in her life. After a while I just sort of sat there, amazed that I was letting her sit in my house and not only be so drunk but also be getting so mean. A few times it was almost comical, since she said "Just get out of here!" and I had to remind her that she was in my house but she was free to go home if she so chose.

The girls came home and I ushered them into my bedroom to watch TV and play video games. I went out to the living room one last time to see if psycho wanted to leave but she was sitting on the couch with her head on her chest so I figured she'd passed out. I came back in here and checked email. The WildChild and I then heard what sounded like the telephone off the hook. I'm not sure who she tried to call but it didn't work obviously. She was on the floor with one leg up on the couch. I quietly took the telephone away from her hand and brought it back to the bedroom with me. We tucked her daughter into the WildChild's bed and went to bed ourselves. When I woke up in the morning, she and her daughter were gone.

And I was glad.

She hasn't come over, not even to apologize. I'm not sure she even remembers what she said. I remember...and I don't want her to come back.

12.06.2003

There must be something wonderful about my timing.

The morning after posting all that stuff about the news? He called us. The phone service sucked to high heaven and we got cut off three different times, but he called.

We talked about how he has been feeling (cold and sick, please send medicine) and what he has been doing (working long, long hours and not getting enough sleep...and did he mention that he's sick?). He completely changed what it was he was originally asking us to buy and mail to him. To hell with the video tapes and goodies! Buy ground coffee, coffee creamer and splenda! Buy Gold Bond powder to help keep the feet dry! Buy cigarettes and lighters (but I can't mail the lighters, can I?).

I feel horrible that he is sick. I wish that he could just take a few days, get enough rest and start feeling better. Instead I will mail off cold meds and a few containers of those anti-bacterial wipey thingys so that they can start getting rid of the cold germs that they are so graciously passing back and forth to each other.

I'm tired today. My crazy neighbor lady had me up until almost 4am, listening to her talk crazier and crazier as she got drunk. If I can muster up the energy later I will type it all out. Otherwise you'll just have to wait until tomorrow.

The status of me

I figured that perhaps I should clear up a few things since I sound good and wholly depressed the last few days.

I'm not, I swear. And yes, I do know the warning signs and where to get help and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

There is a part of me that is just plain 'ole pissed off at the world, and here is why:

All the damn tributes of this, that or the other things being dedicated "to the troops." Ya know, instead of talking about how you dedicate this to my husband why not try spending a year in my shoes. Go say goodbye to your spouse for a year. Go spend a year worrying about ambushes and snipers and RPGs.

There are days when all I want to do is curl up and cry because I miss him so much. I feel guilty for that.

People tell me how strong we are. I feel guilty for that.

I appreciate it...the kind words and thoughts. But please understand if there is a little part of me that is insanely jealous of you. Jealous of your going home tonight to see your spouse. Jealous of the time that you get to spend with them. Because I don't.

Happy Birthday J-bird

Today my little brother would have been 31 years old.

There are days where I can almost fool myself that he really is still alive, that maybe I'd imagined the telephone conversation with my Dad.

The memories that I have of him are fun and wonderful and all that we have left. There isn't a December 4th that passes where I don't think about him. It is strange to think that once we were a family of six...now we are four.

He was a great guy and what I miss most is his wicked sense of humor. We always laughed when we were together. He always knew how to make me smile and forget for a little while whatever it was that had me mad or upset.

I miss him.

It's a food thing

I think I just sunk to a new low.

Being that we're on a quest to at least pretend we are eating more healthy foods in this house I figured that we would dice up the rest of the turkey and make salads. Green salads with fresh veggies and everything! Well, and some diced up turkey on top, because protein is good. So I'm dicing away while standing at the counter and ask the WildChild to please come prepare the salad. She got the easiest job...opening the two bags of salad (one mixed, one romaine) and mixing them up in a bowl. Slice up a cucumber and a tomato and BAM! salad is done. Except that it wasn't.

I honestly can't tell you where my child picked up the habit of looking for an expiration date on every single item of food that she eats. She does though, and this can be a sticky situation some mornings when the milk is dated for THAT day and holy cow Mom, what am I going to have on my cereal??!! Sometimes she believes me when I walk over, take the milk and give it a good sniff, telling her that it didn't magically go sour at midnight just because a date was stamped on the outside of the carton. Of course, by the time I get home from work the milk will be long gone. You would think that I was constantly trying to get her to eat spoiled food or something. I don't. I swear!

So she is pulling the last two bags of salad out of the drawer and inspecting them for an expiration date. Seems they expired a few days ago. And really, they did EXPIRE a few days ago...you can tell just by looking IN the bag. "Ew Mom, they expired last MONTH [what, like that was weeks ago or something?] and I am so NOT eating that!"

So uh, no salad. I opened the cupboards and looked around. I really wanted a damn salad so nothing else really sounded good. I finally just said that I would eat the diced up turkey and she could have the larger bits...sort of like eating chicken. I pulled out an ear of corn for her to have in addition to the turkey bits. Me? I heated up my carefully diced turkey and then a few squirts of ranch dressing. And that was my dinner. So totally not what I was in the mood for today. Also, and this part makes me sad...it is an indication that I've got to go to the grocery store in the next few days. We all know how much I love doing that, right?

We're done with the turkey. Whatever isn't gone is going in the freezer. I don't even want to think about turkey.

12.01.2003

There are a few more entries up over on the Year Apart page if you haven't been there yet. I was going to take pictures of the tent this afternoon but I stayed late at work and then the WildChild and I went for a walk.

I learned, during this walk, that one of our bikes is missing. John's bike to be exact. She told me that one of her friends said that she'd seen the bike in someone's front yard. First off, I feel like an ass for not realizing that it was even missing. I honestly had no idea. And I park behind the damn thing every day. I'm assuming it has been gone for at least a week. I'm also assuming that it was one of the kids in the neighborhood that took it.

Not that I want to delve too deeply into the wading pool of 13 year old emotions, but damn I am surprised. Don't other parents KNOW when their kid comes home with a bike that doesn't belong to them? I may not notice when one of ours is missing but I sure as hell notice when something extra is there. The next thing that bothers me is that if it was one of the kids that took it, it is probably a kid that doesn't like my kid. Again...perhaps I am an ostrich and don't know what my child is up to 24/7 but by golly, I sure know about 16/7 where she is and what she is doing. And these kids used to spend all kinds of hours at my house this past summer. Spending the night, watching TV, whatever. Now, for whatever reason (and the WildChild claims not to know) she isn't quite cool enough anymore. She said hello to one little girl and the girl said "Don't ever talk to me again." and walked away. I dug a little bit to see if WC would tell me if anything had happened but she honestly seems to be in the dark about the whole thing. She just said "Mom, it is like I'm an outcast now but I don't know why!" I said all the things that a mom is supposed to say about kids being fickle and friends coming and going. She's a good kid and I don't know, maybe that is the problem? Is she too good? Too much younger than her peers?

What are you supposed to do as a parent? I think we all want our kids to be "the popular and cool kid" so that they don't have their feelings stomped on. I hate seeing her going through this awkward stage. I know that some of her friends are already getting in trouble for doing things like skipping classes (and how in the hell you do that at a middle school is beyond me!) and one of her friends has even confessed to giving a hand job. I know....a hand job! AT 13! Can't say that I'm too displeased about that girl not coming over any longer, but she does seem to be the root of some of the problems in WC's social life right now.

It bothers me a little to not hear the phone ringing like it used to. It bothers me when she is home almost moping yet claiming that nothing is wrong. I've asked pointed questions and the response is always the same. Things are fine, school was fine, the kids are OK.

I don't know...but I know we're going walking every weekday. I think it is good for the two of us to just go out and walk in the dark. I don't know if she would have even said the outcast statement if we were face to face. Things are easier to talk about in the dark, right?

Turkey Day 2003

There are new pictures up in the gallery. We are stuffed. We are going to go watch DVDs all evening on the couch.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Thankfulness and donating

Tis the season, right?

There is so much for me to be thankful for this holiday, but there is also a lot that just seems so hollow without John here. The WildChild and I are doing a full spread for ourselves tomorrow, mainly because it is a tradition and I didn't feel right about just doing a chicken or something only because he isn't here. I'm trying so very hard to make sure that her life is as close to normal as possible while still helping her understand everything that is going on.

Really though, that isn't what I want to talk about...

See, I work for a shelter. That is my new job...I am the administrative goddess for an agency that helps homeless families transition to self-sufficiency. I also answer the phone.

People, if you want to volunteer you time serving meals....don't call the night before a holiday. Most shelters and churches that serve meals on the holidays are already staffed for those times. If you want to donate clothes? Please tell us what is in each bag. This would include winter or summer clothes, are they new or used, and, most importantly, sizes. If you want to donate household goods...are they in good condition?

Do you really want to know what we need?

We need diapers. We need baby wipes to go along with those diapers. We need quilts and blankets...and I'm not talking about the stuff that you have used for years and just don't want because it is falling apart. We need GOOD clothes for kids from the age of newborn to teens. Some of those clothes need to be plus sizes. We need coats, gloves, hats and scarves.

I recently read an article (and would link to it if I could remember where I read it) that said that people who donate items need to stop and think for a nanosecond. When you are donating food to be given out for a holiday, are you donating all the stuff from your cupboard that you don't want? Or are you donating food items that are healthy? When you are donating clothes and bedding, is it in good condition? Do you think that because someone is in need, they should wear clothing that would embarrass them? Should they have to eat the things you don't want just because they can't afford to buy food for themselves?

I'm not saying that we should all be donating all name brand all the time, but ya know, for a teen to get a "cool" item of clothing could really make their day.

The face of homelessness is changing in this country. It isn't just a single mother with very young children. It is two parents with school-age kids that are just trying to get back on their feet. It is the woman who has left a domestic violence situation and is trying to get her and her kids on a new path. It is a single father who is trying to find his way.

If you want to donate your time, please plan ahead. If you call someplace and they tell you that they don't serve meals, ask if you can donate money or gift cards for a certain store. Dontate gift cards for groceries. Most stores have them and they can't be converted back to cash. Donate gift cards for places like Old Navy where you can get a few shirts for the price of half of one in a department store. Donate gift cards to Target or CD Warehouse so that the kids can get something that they want.

Please know that if you donate cash, we aren't going to just give it to the family. We'll buy the gift cards for you if you like...just tell us where! Like you, we don't want to tempt our families back down 'the wrong path'.

Please just give. Even a $20 gift card would mean the world to a family that needs groceries or clothes. Times ARE tough all over...and for non-profit agencies like the one I work for, times are tough and donations are down. We can still provide shelter but providing things like food baskets for the holidays gets harder and harder.

It is good karma people....just give, OK?

11.23.2003

So I own one of these now. I figured that if I'm going to try and cook a turkey "properly", I should probably have something more substantial than an aluminum roasting pan.

I also bought a tin of cookies because I fell in love with the tin. And some Christmas cards that made the WildChild and I laugh out loud repeatedly the rest of the time in Target. And a few little odds and ends to mail to John.

We came home, cycled some laundry in and out of the washer and dryer and sat down for a nice snack of milk and cookies. Quite nice on a rainy day if you ask me.

I now have to finish putting away a bunch of clean clothes and do a bit more folding. The dishes are done from dinner and the leftovers put away. We're both showered and ready for bed. Of course, I should stay awake for a while longer since it isn't quite 6pm.

Thinking about turkey

It is that time of year again...when I wish that I had tons of family living close by so that I could have a house full of people for the holidays.

This won't be the first holiday that we've spent without John. I certainly hope that it is the last.

We weren't going to do the whole turkey thing. Just a chicken and some of the fixings. But then the idea of not having turkey sandwiches...just so sad. And seeing everyone on FoodTV brining and cooking turkeys? Just made me more sad. So sad that we went to the store and bought a turkey and all the stuff to make with it. For the two of us. Oh shut up, most of it freezes quite well!

I was talking to my little sister about brining the turkey. She almost jumped through the computer to tell me that I HAVE to do it this year. And I have to do the cooking upside down thing for the first hour. And that I have to immediately send pictures to her when I drop it on the floor trying to flip it over. Bitch! :)

There are some things that I want...I want some of the medium sized white corning ware baking dishes...preferrably round. The oval ones I have just seem too big for the two of us. I also want to find a nice roasting pan and rack so that I can stop using the cheap ass aluminum thing from the grocery store. Man, those Calphalon pans are EXPENSIVE! But I lust for one nonetheless. I'll have to shop the sales I suppose.

Anyway...we're still here and getting ready for the holidays. We've decided to make some of our holiday gifts, so I can't talk about them here. We should have a great time making them. Maybe that is something we can do next weekend.

11.21.2003

There are some new pictures in my gallery. It SNOWED yesterday! It wasn't snowing at about 6am and by 730 everything was white. It was quite pretty.

The WildChild and I are doing fine. We actually went to the grocery store last night and spent way too much money but we should have everything for Thanksgiving. I'm going to try brining the turkey this year. Oh stop laughing, I CAN cook!

I just finished uploading all the pictures from yesterday. Now I need to go get ready for work.

11.16.2003

I made a new blog/journal/webpage thingy for John. There is a link over under my picture. I called it "A Year Apart" since, well, we'll be apart for a year.

The wildchild and I are doing OK. We took it easy today, did laundry and made muffins for her breakfast tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for the comments and emails. I really appreciate knowing that y'all are thinking about us right now. I'm sure I'll feel better once I hear from him and all.

11.14.2003

I just wanted to post something so that people didn't think I fell off the face of the earth. Been working a lot this week and taking care of a lot of last minute things for John.

I'll be back tomorrow with pictures and whatnot. Really. I will. Or Sunday. Monday at the latest, I swear!

I have my palm read....sorta

I found this link this morning through someone else's journal. I thought it was pretty funny and here are my results.

Your Life Line reveals that once you leave home, you do not return. You will tend to move a lot in your life.

You have an Earth hand. You are a person who is stable, honest, just loyal and cautious. Your optimal career choices are to work as an athlete, artist, musician and laborer.

Dear...

Dear Matrix Revolutions,

You were nowhere near the wonderfulness that was the first movie. Yes, you had a few bits of good stuff, but overall, not nearly as good nor as fun to watch. The fight scenes were nice...and more of them would have made me happier.

Of course, I'll still buy the DVD when it comes out.

Love....sorta,
Michelle

Dear Love Actually,

Please be a good movie. The trailer looked wonderful as did the little bit during the preview show. I know it is the typical sappy chick-flick and all, but I really think that is exactly what I need right now. A cheery movie to get me away from reality for a little bit.

Love,
me

Dear woman at Revolutions,

Obviously your olfactory senses have led you astray. When you are wearing so much perfume that I can practically taste it...that might be too much. When you are wearing a scent that is so strong it overtakes the lovely smell of my theater popcorn...that might be too much. When you are wearing so much perfume that my eyes start to water a bit...that is too much.

I'm not even allergic to perfume and just being around you made me feel a million times more sympathetic to those that are.

Please go hose yourself off-ly,
me

Dear time,

Please slow down...OK?

Love,
me

11.04.2003

I realized that I have written in a few days. Sorry, we spend the weekend cleaning house, cleaning up after the Halloween stuff and, generally, being slugs.

Trick or Treating went quite well. We had the military police in the tent as well as quite a few parents that were curious about what we had done. The kids all seemed impressed with everything and quite a few made sure to tell us how they appreciated all the hard work we put into everything.

The house is getting cleaner and cleaner. We're going through all the things that we can just put out in the storage building for the next year. John is making sure that I've got all the holiday items close at hand and that I have some extra room in his closet to store it all.

I'm not allowed to say when he's leaving. I can say that he is still here...for now. My boss and new co-workers are all very supportive and keep asking me if I want more time off on the day that he leaves. It might all be moot...I might just have to have him there at 2am or something. We have no idea what time the flights are or how early he has to be there. Who knows...he might not even leave that day.

For now we're just rolling with the tide. I can't change anything. I can make sure that we're spending time together and doing all the things that we know we want to do before he goes.

I am going to go change into my PJs and sprawl my happy ass out on the bed and read until my TV shows start. There are Halloween pictures in the gallery if you haven't looked since my last post. Starting on page 5 are the pictures from that night. Enjoy!

10.30.2003

So I woke up at 1:30am because I had to use the bathroom. I didn't even turn on the lights because I didn't want to wake up so much that I couldn't go back to sleep. No such luck. I think I slept again from about 4:30 to 5:30 when John woke me up so I could get ready for my dentist appointment.

Y'all know there is a funny part coming up, right? I thought my appointment was at 7:20am. I was wrong. It is at 10am. I was all psyched and thought that I could get in there, get done and have time to come home for a quick nap before the departure ceremony. As it is, I'll have to go straight from the dentist to base.

I'm all ready now. I just have to change my clothes and find something that won't make me boil while at the dentist yet not freeze my tushie off while sitting outside at the ceremony. The batteries for the video camera are charged. The battery in the digital camera is charged. I've got blank tapes and lots of memory on the cards.

It was on the news this morning. The stuff about the departure. I expect that at least one news channel will be there. I'm trying very hard not to think in terms of weeks or days or hours. I'm trying very hard to just focus on what we're doing each day and enjoying that as much as possible.

I should probably take some tissues with me...right?

Working Girl

Oh how I am loving my new job. The four hours I was there yesterday just flew by so fast and I felt like I had just arrived when it was time to leave. I have a training class to attend this morning and then a little bit of time at work. I just can't believe that I have a job...a job that I love already. A job that will allow me to feel good about what I'm doing. A job working for people that really care about what they are doing.

It really couldn't have happened at a better time. John is going to leave soon and this really gives me something to focus on besides that fact. It is so hard listening to the phone ring and hearing him talk to his family. No, he isn't gone yet. Yes, he will call before he goes. I just hope that he gets to come home at some point in the mid-tour and see everyone. His family has already invited the WildChild to come spend some time there this summer and she is quite excited about the idea. I'm a little nervous about sending her off on a plane by herself, but we'll see how she feels about it. If she is really too nervous to do it, I'll fly out with her for a weekend or something. I'm sure she'll be fine though and spending time with his family is going to be a lot better than her being home alone most of the day while I'm at work.

Anyway....I've got to go finish getting ready for work. And make some more coffee. And get ready for work! Work! Oh how that makes me smile!

BOO!

Just a quick note to let y'all know that I put more pictures up finally. We moved the tent and started covering everything. I've still got a ton of work to do on it this week.

I also took some pictures of the pralines that I made...just to torture my little sister :)

More gratitude

People, you can now uncross your fingers and toes, stop lighting those candles and put away whatever else it was that you were doing while hoping that I got a job. Why is that, you ask?

Because I GOT THE JOB!

I about fell over and dropped my cell when I got the call.

John had called me this morning and sounded really strange on the phone. Seems he'd gone on dental sick call and instead of rebuilding his back molar they just pulled it all out. He was on his way home but needed to go to the hospital to pick up the pain killers that they prescribed for him. I hurried up and got dressed and took him to Madigan. Thankfully there wasn't a two-hour wait to get new prescriptions filled.

He then thought we should stop off at the store and pick up a few things. $120 later we came home and I put all the groceries away and made him some overcooked macaroni and cheese for lunch. I then put him in bed and made sure the house was nice and quiet so he could get some rest.

Right as I was getting ready to fix dinner my phone rang and it was my new boss asking me if I was still interested in the job. Well of course!

I go in tomorrow morning to fill out whatever they want me to fill out, as well as talk about pay, hours and anything else they would like to talk to me about.

Holy cow...I have a new job!!!!!!!

Gratitude

Ya know, sometimes it is too easy to forget that there are other people out there in the big, bad world that DO care for us. I don't just mean family. I know my family loves me (and if they don't, I will hunt them down and force them to!) but this is different.

I have a friend that just gave me a most excellent job reference. I worked with her many years ago. I felt pretty bad that I hadn't emailed her even just to say "Hey, I used you as a reference again." even though the offer has been standing since before I left Korea.

And I login to email this evening just before dinner and I see her email. It it tells me all the glowing things that she said about me. It is supportive and nice and sweet and really, all the things that someone wants to hear when they are waiting on pins and needles to find out if they have a dream job or not.

There are other friends that were the reason that I even got an interview for this job. People heard about a job opening and thought about me and how I would be right for the job. How do you top that, especially when I need a job so badly right now?

I feel like a horrible, selfish person because I don't email people like I should. I don't correspond much unless it is for business. I'm more than happy to chat with you in IM or on IRC. I love reading emails and yet I'm horrible about writing them. And then I remembered that I write here. And that most people that I correspond with (all six of my readers, all of which are family!) tend to check in here fairly regularly and that they KNOW what is going on with me. I write about it all the time and putting it all in email would be pretty darn redundant now wouldn't it?

My friend made the prefect point though in her second email. (Yes people, I did respond to her first! How could I not??!) She said that she reads all the time. She knows what I'm up to, how we're doing, what the WildChild is doing and how we're dealing with the impending departure of John. She knows about the halloween stuff, the job stuff, the food stuff...all the stuff. Me? I don't know because I'm horrible at correspondence so people tend to stop emailing me.

I got into an argument with my older sister months ago about this very subject. Her feelings were hurt because I don't answer email. She had a very valid point and eventually we both apologized. Do we email much? No, not really. She's busy with her kids and I'm still horrible as ever about sending emails, even to family. I think she reads, yet I don't know much about what is going on with her unless she sends me an email. I'm beginning to think that everyone should just start their own damn journal so that I can read and comment and be more "in the know" than I am now. It doesn't mean that I love my sister any less than when she was my absolute saving grace the weekend I met my son. Heck, I probably love her more just for being there for me.

I don't know how to get over some of these feelings. I don't feel like this is a one-sided relationship, even though it mostly is I suppose. I write, you read, you email, I read.

Is that enough? Can I find a way to reconcile that in my head? I don't know.

10.21.2003

Y'all have figured out that Halloween IS my favorite holiday, right?

So far the plan is this: Move the tent-like contraption that is now NAILED to 4x4s in the backyard and (somehow) walk all the way around the house with it and CAREFULLY slide it into the carport. No, we haven't measured yet. I figure if I break it, I'm OK with that. We then will cover the entire thing (minus the front of course) with a large, dark green tarp. I have no idea where said tarp came from but I've learned not to look a gift horse (or tarp for that matter) in the mouth. Then comes the hard parts...

I think we have more than enough dark sheets/blankets to cover almost all inside surfaces. I have a tentative plan on where things will be placed inside the tent. I have lots of black poster board to paint scary eyes on. I have probably half the crepe paper that I need and will end up buying more if I can find it.

The best part is that I think John will be able to fashion a fog chiller for the fog machine. The really cool part about that is that it makes the fog stick to the ground a little better.

I am a little disappointed that we didn't start doing research earlier. I would have purchased much better black lights. For this year, we will just live with the crappy little blubs that we have. NEXT year I will have the proper black light fixtures. I have two of those strange lamps with three fixtures on them, sort of like spotlights. I will point them all at the walls on the sides so that the painted eyes glow.

I'm psyched and wish I could start decorating tonight. John wasn't game with that idea nor with the idea of giving up the carport and the side door for that time period. Ten more days!

10.20.2003

Lest everyone think that I'm sitting around being all morose or something, we've actually been planning our mini-haunted house for halloween! This is a big thing for us, since we usually start thinking about it the day before. I've got almost two weeks! Such luxury!

We're going to move our little tent-like thingy and put it in the carport (we hope...I haven't measured yet but hey, it IS a little flexible and we can sorta cram it in there, right?) and cover it with a heavy tarp. The insides will be covered on the sides with dark blankets/comforters so that the white mesh doesn't show. Then it is just a matter of rigging up all the blacklights, ghosts, fog machie and scary music. And yes, I did make John buy me a fog machine while we were in Korea. Even though we didn't use it, I knew that eventually I would have a place to decorate again.

I think the theme for the inside will be floating, glowing ghosts. I will also have a bunch of black crepe paper streamers just hanging down from the top. Easy to put up and easy to take down, right?

I still need to think of something for the candy. I've got a clear plastic container that could double as a "coffin" of sorts. The bonus would be that any glow-y stuff I put inside will show through. Maybe some of the purple lights with loose foam interspersed. Then I can put a bit of plexiglass down and all the candy on top of it.

Now all I need to do is convince John that jumping out at little kids isn't a good idea. Older kids? They are fair game!

More good news...I have another interview tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous since I know they had some good people interview after me. I really think that I would be perfect for the job. I care about what the organization does and I have all the skills and compassion for the position. I just have to trust that if it is meant to be, it will happen.

I need to go finish the laundry. John should be off at about lunch time and we're going shopping for day-glo paint, glow-y spider web stuff and spider makings and whatever else we think of. I also need to start making the ghosts so that we can paint them.

10.16.2003

I'm cooking today. Literally. Chicken and dumplings. Starting with a whole chicken and everything! I seem to have also gotten the strong urge to make some baked apples for dessert. Something sweet for us to have while watching Survivor later.

I know...I don't know what's come over me either.

It is windy as all get out right now. I might have to go out and take down all the hanging plants to make sure they don't fall off of the hooks. The weather is playing the part of the crazy, bi-polar cousin today...sunny and calm one minute, dark and rainy and gusty the next. The WildChild asked me last night when it would be warm enough to wear shorts again. Without thinking, I answered, "May." I don't think she liked my joke.

I would imagine that my chicken stock is done by now. That would also mean it is time to pull the chicken out of the pot so that it cools enough for me to remove all the bones.

And the next time I use the word "really" THAT many times in an entry, someone please, PLEASE smack me, ok?

Update

I swear, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Look! I'm updating!

So I went back to the dentist. I have one more appointment on the 30th. Early morning so I can just get it done with. I also took the WildChild in and I am unhappy to report that the child needs braces. Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to get her teeth fixed. I just want to sob when I read the coverage from our crappy dental insurance and realize that we're going to be footing most of the bill. AND she wants the Invisalign braces. We'll check them out and all, but if the cost is prohibitive she's just going to have to learn to like metal like 99% of the other kids who have braces.

I also went to the eye doctor this morning. I wanted to make sure that my prescription hasn't changed a whole lot. It hasn't changed so much that I NEED to get new lenses, but changed enough that I should. Oh yay, more money that I should spend! They wouldn't give me a prescription for contacts since I haven't worn them in over two years. What is the point of having this insurance if we just end up going out and having to spend our own money anyway?

The bestest news of all...I had a job interview yesterday. I don't really want to jinx anything, but man, I really want this job. It is with a wonderful non-profit agency that does really good work in the community. After working at the school, I really want to work for people that I can respect. I'm hoping to hear something by next week, so please please please keep your fingers crossed for me! Not only could we use the money but I would like to have something to look forward to every day...like a JOB.

For now...I think I am going to go watch the second Matrix movie that we picked up yesterday. I never saw it in the theater and well, the weather is uber-crappy right now and curling up on the couch with the cats sounds like a mighty fine idea.

The resume

Found on this page through imzadi22's page. I'm posting it because I think it speaks volumes. I've read most of it in bits and bytes here and there. Here it all is...all in one place.

G.W.'s Resume...

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.

As Governor...

I changed pollution laws to favor the power and oil companies which resulted in Texas becoming the most polluted state in the Union.

I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I executed more criminals than any Governor in American history.

I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

As President...

I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I spent the U.S. surplus and broke the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies and foreclosures filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period.

After taking-off the entire month of August, I then presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. president.

In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president in U.S. history.

I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

I signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or ignoring the Constitution than any president in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use national reserves as past presidents have done.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest a political figure in public venues (15 million people).

I've dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.

My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I am the first president in U.S. history to have almost all 50 states of the Union simultaneously suffer massive financial crisis.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in history.

I am the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in history.

I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.

I rendered the entire United Nations viewpoints irrelevant.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention by refusing to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" (detainees).

I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history.

My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most resented country in the world..

I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am the first U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I set an all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling their huge personal investments in corporations bidding for U.S. contracts.

I failed to fulfill my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.

I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the U.S. Capitol Building.

Even after 24 months I have no leads and no credible suspects.

In the past 24 months following the World Trade Center attack I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any president in U.S. history.

In a little over two years, I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.

I entered my office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and have turned every single economic category downward -- all in less than two years.

Records and References:

I was AWOL from the National Guard.

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine.

My Texas driving record has been erased and is not available.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

Please consider my experience when voting in 2004.

Germs

Why is it that right after you clean your house and make almost every damn surface free of germs and whatnot, you feel like crap the next morning?

I've got three teenage girls in my living room, huddled under blankets and sleeping bags, listening to Weezer. Loudly. One is leaving in about 90 minutes when her mother picks her up, the other is going home shortly after when we take her. Then I am going to enjoy the very quiet home.

Me? I sorta want to go back to bed and hope that I'm really NOT getting a cold. Maybe it is just allergies or something, right? I do sleep with the window open.

10.02.2003

Well...one dental appointment down, hopefully only one more to go. For not having gone for so long, it wasn't that bad. My gums are feeling pretty abused right now, but I'm going to keep swooshing around some warm salt water and they should feel better in a day or so. At least, that is what the nice dentist-lady told me.

The WildChild asked for two friends to spend the night tomorrow. Guess that means I'm cleaning house on Friday morning. I would make her do her room tonight but really, we're concentrating on doing homework during the week and not much else. She claims that all her grades are now A/Bs so we'll see come report card time. I guess I should maybe save up for that piercing, huh?

I've got some laundry to do.

9.29.2003

I've been good this morning. I did all my job applications already, both online and "snail" mail. I've also done a few loads of laundry. It is just now 9am people!

I took some pictures this weekend. They are up in the Gallery (or will be if you are reading this 2.4 seconds after I post) We built the raised beds in the back of the house. The only thing we need now is the plywood to protect the siding.

We went shopping and picked up a bunch of stuff on John's deployment list. Not the one issued by the military, but the one he made up of "things he can't live without" while he's gone. This list included things like a coffee maker, a color printer and various bags of candy. While we were shopping, I picked up one of those french press coffee cups. Instead of making a whole pot of tea or coffee, you can just make one cup at a time. Not bad, especially since I have instant boiling water from the water cooler!

Anyway, I'm going to end this. I've got more laundry to do and I'd like to do the floors while nobody is home. Then, if the sun doesn't come out soon I just might take a nap!

Holy smokes...I won!

Thank you everyone/anyone that voted for the entry. It is here in case anyone doesn't feel like clicking through the award page.

I am still amazed that so many people responded to what I wrote.

The feelings that I had when that entry was written are still the same. The big difference now is that I know he's leaving. I know where he's going. I know how long he'll be gone. I alternate daily between feeling confident and strong or feeling scared and unsure.

I'm sure I will be fine. I will eventually find a job, find a routine, find my groove so to speak. And then we'll take things one day at a time...just like everyone else.

Boredom and an Award

I forgot to talk about this before...

I was nominated for an award. Outstanding Entry Diarist Award. I'm still floored.

I just spent the better part of an hour purging my wish list on Amazon. I must admit that I hadn't done it sooner because it always took the pages so long to load on dialup. I must have taken off 2/3 of what was there. I swear...anything there now, I REALLY want, ok?

I applied for two more jobs since the last entry. Thankfully, they haven't replied with any email rejections.

And I'm still convinced that I NEED a TiVo. Anyone got one to sell for cheap?

9.23.2003

Not a lot going on. The nice HR people were nice enough to make sure that I've gotten rejection letters almost every day of the week. Just makes my days!

In other news, I cooked some seafood gumbo. I documented it over in the pictures section. I also ate pralines that my daddy sent me (Thanks Dad!!!!) and spent most of the evening in sugar shock. Sooooo good!

The WildChild's face is slowly healing. Pretty soon we'll be slathering her up a few times a day with aloe to make sure it doesn't scar too much. She brought home some progress reports. Two C+, a few Bs and a few As. Overall so much better than last year. She really seems to be trying harder than she did before. She even swears that she'll not only maintain the As and Bs but also bring up the Cs to at least Bs. I'm secretly thrilled with it all, but made sure to let her know that I'm not happy about the lower than honor roll grades.

I applied for a few more jobs this morning. If anyone knows of any jobs in the Puget Sound area for me, please drop me a line. Please?

9.20.2003

Hooray! I have cablemodem now!

This is just to let everyone know we didn't fall off the face of the earth. I've been surfing around to all the sites that took so long to load that I didn't want to go play. I forgot how much fun it was listening to music streams online!

The WildChild took a face dive off her bike last night and looks like she lost a fight with the pavement. She scraped up her face pretty bad and looks so sad.

We have tickets to go see the B-52s and found out that we can get another ticket to take her with us. She is thrilled and braved the shower just so that she can go with us. I'm just about ready to go hop in there myself since she just finished.

I'm taking the camera and I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures when we get back tonight. We're going a bit early so that we can walk around for a bit.

Have a wonderful day and I'll report back later with all the gory details about watching Lisa Marie Presley. I know...I am considering not being there for her opening act.

09.17.2003

I am living in Slugville. It is sorta nice here, what with all the TV I can watch now and all. I'm not quite in tune with all the cleaning stuff yet, but I did a whole bunch yesterday and feel quite justified in not doing much today.

I still don't have a job. I've gotten more rejection letters. I have no idea where I'm at with the website thing. I'm broke. But hey...we're getting broadband in two days and I'll be able to entertain myself at least, right?

Oh, and we're going to see the B-52s on Saturday night at the Fair. I know, that whole sentence just seems wrong, doesn't it? "...at the Fair." shouldn't go with "...the B-52s..." at all. Evah.

I still want a vacation. John has to take a week off before he leaves. Unfortunately we're too damn broke to go anywhere and if (ok, when) I start a new job I won't have time to take a vacation. Damn the rock AND the hard place.

I also want a TiVo. Bad. Way bad. I want to be able to record all the cool shows for John while he's in Iraq. I am hoping that I'll be organized enough to just keep one series per tape and just mail them off when they are done. If I start them now, the tapes will be mostly full by the time he's ready to go and then I can start mailing them a few at a time once they are done. Allowing for football and specials and whatnot, he should be getting a bunch of TV stuff once he's been in the sandbox for about a month. A DVD recorder that records from VHS would probably be the ultimate. Do they even make those? Dialup makes it too depressing to go look.

Anyway, not much writing since there isn't much going on here. Being a housewife when there is just one older kid at home is pretty damn boring. Trust me on this one.

Oh. BackBite is now three years old as of this past Sunday. I know...I can't believe it either.

I need

I need a vacation. I need a job. I need a job so I can take a vacation.

That is all.

Late at night...

It is almost 2am and I am sitting here doing laundry. Welcome to my rock star life!

I must say that I have been enjoying the time at home in the evening. The WildChild does her homework as soon as she gets home...right after asking for the 2349874th time if she can have the radio/tv/computer on while she does it. I'm not relenting on that issue. Homework needs to have at least a touch of focus thrust upon it and by golly, I'm going to be firing up those boosters.

I also decided, at about midnight tonight, that she needs to spend Friday night cleaning up her damn room. We are somewhere in the netherworlds of trying to figure out who is doing what laundry. If she is home and I ask her for her dirty clothes, I'll wash/dry/fold things. Tonight I knew what she wanted to wear to school tomorrow. I also knew that it wasn't clean. I steeled myself and ventured into the room of a teenager. As you can see, I survived....barely.

I have no idea what it is with teens. Do they intentionally spill shit on their shirts? Is it just my child? I mean really, it is a good thing that I am some kind of demented laundry queen. I can get out most stains, as long as I know about them in advance of washing (or drying) and get a chance to treat them. It is almost as if the wildchild finds greasy stuff to put on her shirt, just to see if I can "fix it" for her.

*****************************************************************

I was sitting around last night watching TV and waiting for John to come home. He had said last week that he thought he would be home on Wednesday night. I even cooked chicken and dumplings for him. I know, you can get up off the floor now...I DO know how to cook. Anyway, I sat and sat and sat some more....then I got up and went to bed since it didn't look like he was coming home. He didn't, but he did call and say that it would be either Friday or Saturday night when he got home.

I think what struck me while I was sitting there is that this is what my life is going to be like for the next year. Sitting there, by myself.

I'm not really sad about it...I would say it is more like just numb. It isn't happening yet so perhaps it hasn't quite hit me yet. I'm going to have the couch to myself. The bed to myself. The shower to myself. The kitchen to myself.

My life...to myself.

I will survive!

I would like it noted that I took the WildChild shopping (and a friend of hers) AND I survived without killing anyone. Of course, that might be because I bought two of the cutest damn sleep pants on the face of the earth.

She got four new pairs of jeans and a long denim skirt. Well, three pair of jeans, one skirt and one pair of denim capris.

Then we had "Major Drama" come to our door.

WildChild and E were sitting in the living room doing homework and I was recovering from the shopping trip back here in the bedroom. (OK, I was back here admiring my new sleep pants, but that is beside the point.) Anyway, the doorbell rings and WildChild goes to answer. It wasn't two minutes and E was back here in my bedroom telling me that a third friend was at the door and not happy with WildChild. About the time I am walking down the hallway I hear "You're a fucking ass...just a fucking asshole!" I quickened my step and saw the shock on the 3's face when she realized I was home (what, like my CAR sitting in the driveway wasn't a big fucking clue?) and she immediately shut up for a second. I quietly walked to the door, asked WildChild to leave the kitchen, then looked at 3 standing outside and said "Do NOT come to my house and yell at my child!" and I shut the door.

It seems that WildChild had some information about 3's boyfriend and his cheating while they were "going out" at the end of the school year. WildChild chose not to say anything and just stay out of the whole mess. Well, 3, being 13 of course, now feels that my child was helping the boyfriend by NOT telling 3 what was going on. I know, I don't really get it either. I didn't even know that WildChild LIKED 3 that well. And really, how the hell do you "go out" when you are in 7th and 8th grade? They don't go out places, they go to school and come home. (Well, that is what MY child did last year) Anyway, I seemed to have impressed E, who proclaimed me "totally cool" in how I handled the situation. They asked what I would do if 3 came back. I said I would call 3's mother. They laughed and, I think, secretly wished that she would come back, just so they could listen to me on the phone.

I might threaten my own child to within an inch of her life (especially where homework is concerned) but damnit, nobody else better come to MY house and try the same thing.

Someone please tell me that I don't have five more years of this. Please?

What's my motivation?

You would think that someone who was unemployed and already had a clean house would find more time to write, huh? Yeah, you would think that, but people, I have news!

On September 19th I will be leaving the people at the kiddie table and moving up to the broadband table! Yes, we are finally going to get cablemodem! You also know what else this means, right? Yeah, our new TV channels kicked in. Do you KNOW how long I have been waiting to watch E! and Oxygen and the Travel Channel?!?! We don't need to talk about how long I sat, confuzzled and baffled about why my channels weren't what it said on the screen. I am, as I type this, trying to force my cable box to reset itself and download a new screen guide. I am hoping that unplugging it for an hour or so will work.

In other news, I sat down and talked to the WildChild about the school year. OK, I admit, I was watching Dr Phil for a little bit and it was a show about parenting. One mother had the exact problem that we've been struggling with for a few years now...namely, a child that just doesn't want to do the homework. The basics are that we need to find the "lever", the motivation that will keep her working hard. We did come up with something for the first report card. She wants her upper ear pierced. She's asked before, especially when we are out and pass a piercing place or Claire's or something. I refuse to let her get it done with a gun so I said that if she comes home with Bs or higher, we'll go get it done. We're still in negotiations about what the reward will be for a good progress report. I'm thinking about the temp hair dye things she was mooning over at the store the other day. I'm not quite sure how well they will rinse out though, and I'd prefer not to have a repeat of the red hair streaks in her hair that happened in Korea. Maybe I'll buy some, do a test patch on the underside of her hair and see how long it takes to wash out. I can handle a week or so...not months. It might even work as a weekly motivator. Don't do all your homework? No streaking your hair with wild colors.

We also talked about her friends and how they don't do well in school. I stressed that it doesn't make her any "cooler" to be failing, and in fact, only causes us to get upset with her since she has so much potential. I really think that my being here in the afternoons is going to be a good thing for her. She has already done an extra powerpoint presentation for school...she just loves messing with that stuff. I think she made it on the TV show Dead Like Me. Anyway...I am hoping that this is going to be the turning point year as far as her homework and all are concerned. I know it was for me...but mine was the opposite. I did great until I was in the eight grade. Then I discovered boys. :)

So...I am going to go wander around the house and see if I can find something to clean. Then I'm going to pay bills online and then check to see if I still have money left. Then I'm going to try and motivate myself to lift weights. I would try and walk but John has a HUGE pile of field gear sitting in the office and I can't lower the deck of the treadmill until he moves it all. Then I am going to watch E! and squeal with happiness.

Inside the BackBite Studio

I was reading Meg's journal and she is participating in the journaling interview thingy that so many people are doing. I signed up and got picked to interview (go me!).

The Interview Game: THE RULES
1. Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Fun, no? Anyway, here are my answers...

1. I see that your archives date back to September 2000. How do you feel about having kept a journal for three years? What keeps you writing?

Has it been three years already? Man, time flies when you start getting old! I don't go back and read or edit old journal entries. It was almost painful to go through them all when I was moving everything to this format. If I could have figured out how to cut and paste without looking, I would have done that. I just remember the date (I think) being September 14th? I started the journal as a way to keep some kind of connection with my sisters and father while we were living in Korea. Some months I wrote a lot, others not so much. I had kept written journals at various times in my past, especially when I was going through some kind of emotional turmoil. I think it helps keep me sane. Not just writing, but forcing myself to articulate many of the feelings that are swirling around in my head and giving them an outlet. Some of those feelings are pretty boring though, so I don't like to go back and look. What keeps me writing? I honestly don't know some days. I enjoy getting email from people who tell me that something I wrote touched them or made them think or laugh or cry. OK, well I don't like making people cry, but you get my drift. Right now, with the pending deployment, getting emails from wives that are going through the same emotions and tumoil help a lot. I think it is easier for me to connect with them here rather than in person. I wish I knew why that was.

2. How did you come up with the pseudonym "Wildchild" for your daughter? When did this name most fit her? Does it still fit her now?

HAHAHA! Honestly? From the movie Major League. There is a little bit in there where a kid is dancing and has on a shirt that says "Wild Child" in honor of Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn. I have been calling her that since I got on the internet. My choosing to put my life (and name) out there doesn't mean that she wants to, so I choose to keep her as anonymous as possible. Especially when I write embarrassing things about her. She knows about the website but (as far as I know) doesn't read it. At least she hasn't said anything about what I have written. The name has fit her since she was a toddler. She was completely fearless. I remember taking her to a little carnival here on base and they had a Gymboree-like thing set up where the kids could jump and climb. She was all over it! The woman who was in charge asked if she was in gymnastics or something. She wasn't (and isn't, but is thinking about going out for volleyball at school) but from her fearlessness, you'd have thought she was trained on these things. Hanging by her knees and doing penny drops, swinging all over the bars and flipping herself off. It was pretty amazing. Does it fit her now? I think so, though she is becoming less and less of a child every damn day. That makes me both sad and scared as hell.

3. How many tattoos and/or piercings have you had in your life? Are you happy with the one(s) you have now, if any? If you have none, are you happy about that?

I have two tattoos and, including my ears, four extra holes currently in my head. My first tattoo is of a small island and palm tree with a sunset. It is actually quite small and on the outer right ankle. It was a 27th (?) birthday present to myself. I had wanted one for so long but never really had the nerve to get it done. I just woke up one day, got the money from the bank, walked into the tattoo place and got it done. Hurt. Like. Hell! The second tattoo I got is on my lower back. It is quite a bit larger and there is no other tattoo like it. I found the base picture online and fell in love. I took it to an artist in Korea who changed things a bit and drew out some of the things that I talked about. A few weeks later I went and got it done. It is almost 6 inches high and almost a foot across? (hard to measure your own back) I am quite happy with it but I think that some of the colors need to be touched up a bit. As for the holes....I honestly don't know what possessed me but one morning in El Paso I just woke up, found a shop that did piercing, walked in and asked to have my eyebrow pierced. I can't really explain it...I just WANTED it. I was quite happy with it but took it out for a job interview and couldn't get it back in. I was never good at that stuff and still a little whimpy about possibly hurting myself. Funny story: The day after getting my brow pierced, the wildchild went into school and told her teacher "My mommy got a needle in her eye yesterday!". The teacher actually called to make sure I was OK. Talk about a confusing phone call! I got my tongue pierced for the first time while I was living in El Paso. Hurt like a SOB but I loved it. Unfortunately, while I was home on vacation from Virginia, I had to take it out for another job interview. In just a few short hours it closed enough so that I couldn't get it back in. I lived without it (missing it the whole time) until I was in Korea. The same person that did my tattoo re-pierced my tongue for me. It didn't hurt nearly as bad and I am much more careful with it now. No chipped teeth or anything and it has been almost three years now. I tend to just forget about it but I do play with it absetmindedly while I am driving. Such a thrill for other drivers, I'm sure. The other three holes are one in my right ear, empty, and two in my left with just a small diamond stud in the upper hole. I rarely wear earrings but they haven't closed up yet.

4. How long have you loved gardening? What do you like best about it?

Actually I've only recently become interested in gardening. My older sister Yvette tells me it is something that just happens when you get older. My little sister Monica is still in denial it seems and can barely remember to water things. When I found out that John was going to be gone for three months this spring I decided to start preparing things to plant a garden. I figured it would keep me busy on the weekends and give me something to do other than sitting around missing him. What I like best (besides having my yard look nicer than my psycho neighbor across the street!) is just watching things grow from seeds or bulbs. I was pretty motivated when Spring arrived and all the tulips we had planted started to bloom. My neighbors would stop and tell me how happy my yard made them. People driving by would stop and compliment the yard if the wildchild and I happened to be out there. I have some BIG gardening plans for next year that will keep me pretty busy. Once we build the raised beds that will go the length of the back of the house, I will start preparing things for dahlias. I fell in love with them after seeing pictures. I will also plant some more roses, build a trellis and plant some ivy (to give us some privacy since the assholes here on base chopped down my tree 'fence'), plant some tomatoes and lettuce and cucumbers, and find some more pink things to grow. I made some mistakes this year with some of the plants but I think it is all a learning process. I hate gardening here since I keep most things in pots or barrels. It just has such a temporary feeling. Someday I will own a house...

5. What is one thing that you really like about yourself?

Oh man, I hate that question! Physically I like my eyes. I really like my eyes. I have been complimented on them my entire life. They change shades of blue depending on what I am wearing. I've been accused of wearing contacts while I have my glasses on. I just like the way they are so light in the center and then have such a dark ring around the outside. Non-pysically, what I like about myself is how much I have mellowed out in my pending old age. Life used to be such drama and now? Not so much. Sure, I freak out about my child getting older and all that that entails, but other than that, I am a pretty calm person. I've taken on a point of view that I can't really change the things that I don't have control over in my life. Rolling with the punches and going with the flow just seem so much easier. Deal with things as they happen and muddle on through the best I can.

Can I go take a nap now?

Unemployment is fun!

So...I'm officially unemployed.

I had a wonderful evening at school tonight...until my stick got broken.

My students got me an awesomely cute card, a beautiful hanging basket full of flowers, a cake proclaiming me the hackey sack champion of 2004 and lots of hugs.

I'm going to miss them bunches and bunches...but man am I glad to know that I'll be home in the evenings now.

I just opened a nice bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz (not bad for a fairly cheap wine) and now I'm going to go play on the internet for a bit.

Procrastination Street

I lied. I didn't go to the store yesterday. I just couldn't face it. Not that today will be any better, but it is now five days past payday and hopefully it won't be too crowded. Of course, I opted to start a new journal entry rather than run right out to the car. Yes, I do have my priorities straight...I am putting YOU, the reader, ahead of my need for wheat bread and milk. No really, no thanks is needed.

So tonight is my last night of work. I am incredibly happy about it and I think that I've hurt most of the students by NOT crying about leaving. Well, for starters I am just NOT the Cry In Public type person. Sorry, that sort of stuff might be fine for others but I just can't bring myself to cry, especially in my workplace. Also, I am just so happy to know that I won't be working nights that I can't help but smile about it. Even the wildchild is happy to know that I'll be home with her every evening. Personally I think she's just happy to know that she won't be eating frozen dinners five nights a week while daddy is gone. Yeah, she loves me.

I have to take her shopping this weekend for school clothes. Feel free to deposit large amounts of cash in my account for me, since I have a feeling it will be crying in agony once we are done. I was shocked to find out that the poor child can wear my shoes. You realize what this means, right? I'm going to be drinking coffee one morning and she's going to ask to borrow my Docs. She also informed me the other day that while she has no desire to have her tongue pierced like her weird mother, she would like her upper ear or her nose done. I was good, I didn't drop everything I was carrying and have heart failure right there. I don't have the nose for a piercing, but she does. I think I'll offer to take her and get her ear done IF she brings home B's and above on her report card. I'm not sure what it would take for me to let her do her nose. At least she didn't ask for a tat, right?

Anyway, I think my procrastination has hit the breaking point and I have to leave for the store if I want to be done and back home in time to get to work. I do solemnly swear not to move anyone's cart today....well, not too far anyway.

peek-a-boo

Ya know, I honestly don't have a lot to talk about.

It is wonderfully quiet in the house during the day. John is out playing in the woods for a week or so and the wildchild has gone back to school. The cats and I are in heaven!

I took some pictures.
This one here is my purse, the one I carry every day.

Then I emptied it out and this is what was in there. This is the stuff that goes everywhere with me.

I also took a closer picture of my wallet-like thingy that I carry. It is nice because if I am just running out to the store real quick or driving the wildchild someplace, I can just grab it out of my purse and take it.

I think the only thing missing from the picture is my cell. If I've noticed the battery getting low I put it on the charger overnight. Well, that and the camera, which I have started carrying with me all the time.

So um, wish me luck and pray for my safe return...I am about to trek off to the commissary. This normally would only be mildly dangerous but, and military people will understand me here.....it's case lot sale time. I know...I tried to see if I could wait a few days and I can't. We need milk. We need bread. We need mayo for our tuna salad! All that and I'm sure that the wildchild would like something besides onion bagels for breakfast. Oh don't look at me like that! SHE asks for them! I usually buy her blueberry just because I think they are more breakfast-like. I need to find something healthy, not too high in fat or sugar, and, preferrably, quick to make/eat. Nothing like setting those breakfast standards nice and high!

the war at home

I know what you are thinking...you think I'm going to talk about John deploying and all the depressing stuff that goes along with it. You would be wrong.

You see, there is a war being waged in my bathroom. In the shower to be exact.

About the only time I am a girly-girl is in the shower. That is where I take care of the shaving and washing and conditioning and general shower-type things. It is also where I wash my face. I have all kinds of shower poofs and fancy, orgasm-inducing, sweet-smelling soaps and body washes. On my hanging shower shelf thingy is also my washcloth for washing my face.

Now, I am quite particular about what I use on my face. Not only must it be good for my skin, it should be easy to use. I'm not a good candidate for any multi-step process for keeping my skin clean and glowing. One step is good....two is usually pushing it for me. I am also VERY loyal to my face washing soap. It used to be this blueberry and lavender soap until they changed it and took out the lavender and added the word 'champagne' to the label. I did give it a try but it just wasn't the same. In an effort to find something that would make my face feel clean yet not tight, I found the Clear Pore Cleanser stuff with tea tree oil. Love it. Love it so much I usually have an extra bottle on reserve just to make sure the marketing schmucks don't change it on me.

So washing your face with a shower poof is a big no-no, as is trying to wash your face with the loofah gloves that I have (shut up!). No, I use a regular old washcloth. Being that tea tree oil has some magical qualities that keep bacteria from growing (the bottle tells me so), I can use the same washcloth for a few days. This works out nicely and means one less thing I have to wash in the never-ending battle of laundry. I am very careful about rinsing my washcloth well and wringing it out so much that it is almost dry. Me and my washcloth, we just have an understanding, ya know?

I have tried countless times to explain the whole shower thing to John. I explain that he should be using a shower poof to wash his body. How good it would be for his skin. What soaps he should be using (and, which to not use unless he wants to go to work smelling like a french whorehouse) and, in general, being a pain in the ass about his showering skills.

Where is the war? He is using MY washcloth to wash his body. I know...I'm glad I haven't had lunch yet, either. I had been suspecting this for quite some time. I even tried to set up some kind of system to where HIS washcloth would never mingle with mine. In other words, yours is hanging on the right, mine is hanging on the left and never the two shall meet. It didn't work. It is like he is just drawn to my washcloth.

I finally phrased my question to him like this: "Umm, Honey? What makes you think I want to wash my face with a washcloth that has been on your ass?" He literally had to pick himself up off the floor he was laughing so hard. He just doesn't get it.

On my quest for the eternally clean washcloth that hasn't touched anyone's ass...ever, I am constantly buying multiple packs of washcloths. I've tried to color-coordinate them so that he doesn't use the blue ones. I find them piled in the shower, like he used five to wash his ass, just to spite me. I bought some white ones which turned out to be a mistake, since those will be the ones he picks when coming out of the field, taking to the field or washing off after working on the car. I even bought one pink one to try and distinguish it from the rest. It was suddenly used one day to apply polish to his boots.

I am giving up and admitting defeat here. I will always take a new washcloth into the shower with me since he doesn't seem capable of doing so himself. I will sadly wash multiple washcloths each day. I will also wash the washcloths with vinegar just to make sure no boy germs inadvertantly end up on my face.

Now if I could just teach him how to hang up the washcloths when he is done with them....

Scary

So we went to Costco this weekend. What I didn't mention was the scary conversation that John and I had.

We were getting ready to leave and the WildChild had asked if a friend could come with her. I figure this is a good idea since she will then have someone to talk to and not spend the entire shopping trip either asking for things or complaining that she is bored. John and I are gathering our things to leave the house and WildChild comes in and asks for my car keys. I give them to her with the idea that she and Friend would just like to sit in the car and wait. I am just out the door when I see the scariest part....

My child sitting in the driver's seat...starting my car. Now, I know it isn't hard, the damn thing is an automatic. Pretty much turn the key and it starts. No...it was horrifying looking at my child sitting there and realizing that eventually, she'll be old enough to REALLY sit there. Not only old enough to sit there but to start the car, put it in gear and DRIVE. Legally!

She's 13. Seeing her smile is either a rare thing or an hourly thing...depending on hormones, the weather, the phase of the moon and planetary alignment. She had the biggest smile on her face. A smile I haven't seen in a long time. It was such a big smile that it made ME smile rather than fall over in shock. I laughed and she jumped out of the car, quite proud of herself for starting the car and turning the AC on.

OK, so THAT was strange enough, right? We get on the road (which was a parking lot in parts thanks to stupid people on the highway Saturday) and, as usual, John and I are talking about random stuff. I mentioned my car. Not the one I was driving at the time, but the one I want. It alternates between a Mini Cooper S and a ragtop VW Beetle. I talked about wanting to get it before he retires. Not now, but some time in the next two years. Then I heard the phrase that strikes fear in the heart of a mom...."We should just keep this car to give the WildChild when she is 16."

I was good. I didn't immediately drive off into a ditch or anything. I don't think I even swerved. Much. A CAR? For the WildChild? Wasn't I just buying her Barbies??? I was glad that the back seat audience didn't really hear us. A CAR? Holy crap. OK...it does make perfect sense. It is a nice, smallish car. She likes the fact that it is black. It is easy to drive and gets good gas mileage. But....A CAR? I can't even fathom the idea of her being alone, in a car, with her friends, without her parents. I don't WANT to imagine that because I start to remember being in cars with MY friends, sans parental supervision. That's some scary shit!

I have to come to terms with the fact that my child is growing up. I always said that I would handle it so much better than John. That I would be the calm in the storm. I would be the sane parents, the one the child "goes to" with problems. I was wrong. It is him. I'm the one peeking around corners to make sure she isn't alone with a boy. I'm the one standing just out of her line of sight, mouthing "but is is a BOY!!!" and freaking out. I'm the one who will be over here in the corner....playing with her old Barbies.

Blue Eyes - Elton John

Blue Eyes Lyrics
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Gary Osborne

I had just turned 16 not long before. I had just given up the child for adoption.

I remember sitting in my room a lot of the time. School hadn't started and I was still suffering from the banishment of having been pregnant. My parents still weren't really speaking to me so I had a lot of empty time on my hands. I spent much of that time listening to music and looking out the window.

I remember the song coming on the radio. I was just getting ready to change the station when I heard the first lines....

Blue eyes....baby's got blue eyes
Like a deep blue sea on a blue, blue day.

I was frozen in place, standing in the middle of my bedroom. That was what I knew...he had blue eyes. Amazing blue eyes. The kind of blue eyes that you just knew were never going to change.

Blue eyes holding back the tears, holding back the pain
Baby's got blue eyes....and she's alone again

At this point I just crumpled to the floor like a rag doll. Yes, I was holding back the pain and hiding the tears. Who was I supposed to show them to? I was alone. Alone in the house. Alone in my emotions. Alone in all the feelings that were pouring out of me with no place to go. It was only the second time I had cried since his birth.

Blue eyes...Baby's got blue eyes
Like a clear blue sky watching over me

There was never a time in my life when the thoughts weren't there. When the love wasn't there. Not so much a love OF the child but FOR the child. I loved him enough to do what was right. I loved him enough to place him in the care of two people that would love him as their own. I loved him enough to let him go. Not a year passed when I didn't think of him on that day. What was he doing? What did he look like? Is he happy? Does he wonder about me like I wonder about him? Does he even know about me?

Baby's got blue eyes
And I am home, and I am home again

This past July I finally got to see those Baby's blue eyes. In a way it was like being home again.

This song has meant a lot to me at different times in my life. I have had men tell me that it reminds them of me. I have had family tell me that the song was perfect for me, whatever situation I might be in. I don't know if I was blessed or cursed with these blue eyes...but I know that there is at least one other person out there in this world with the same eyes. I like to think of that as a blessing.

All lyrics are the property and copyright of their respective owners. All lyrics are provided for educational purposes and personal use only.

insomnia

I have no idea what I'm still doing up at this hour. It wasn't like I slept late this morning. I didn't take a nap. I didn't have more than a few (large) cups of coffee this morning. I'm just....up. And bored.

Played around in the garden a bit this afternoon before heading out to Costco. We were pretty good while there and didn't spend all our earthly money. I did get some more printer ink and a whole pack of paper for photos. I also got some more bottles of water since John and the WildChild have been sucking them down like they are going out of style. I was good....I didn't buy all the bags of bulbs that they had. It was hard, believe me. They had some bags of the same tulips that we had last year, so I want to get at least two more bags of them. There were some other smaller ones that seemed pretty. I'll just have to hope that they have some left at the end of the month.

We also stopped at the store on base because I was craving Greek food. We made spanokapeta. There was also a very failed attempt at saganaki that we just don't need to talk about. No, I didn't set the house on fire or anything but it still failed miserably. I think we need to find a specific pan or something so that it stays warm and don't immediately turn into a rock of cheese that isn't so spreadable.

It was a little weird walking through Costco and the grocery store with John. We're slowly shifting into the pre-deployment stages. We walked up and down the aisles and started looking at things that he would want sent to him while he is gone. We debated on the chocolate items and such, but I have no idea how hot it will get there in the winter time so we'll just have to wait on the super-good treats. There were lots of requests for the dried fruits and various crackers. He asked that I not mail him girly shaving gel even though I secretly think he uses mine occasionally. It does smell so much nicer than the "manly" stuff. He was constantly pointing at things or picking them up to show me. He likes these kinds of razors but not those. He doesn't like these crackers but likes the other kind. He doesn't want raisins or dried mangoes but the dried strawberries were good. The blue listerine pocket paks are better than the green.

It all just makes me sad.

the house of random

Today was John's last day of class. That means that he won't be home for an hour in the middle of the day. That sucketh muchly. I can live...only two more weeks of work then I join the ranks of the unemployed. I can't wait to be home EVERY evening!

I figured out today that I've taken almost a thousand pictures since I got the digital camera at the beginning of June. Obviously I don't post them all. I want to post more but I am beginning to hog up my server space with photos. I think I'll have to bump up my package once John is gone. We're trying to make sure that he goes off to the sandbox with a decent digital camera. It doesn't need to have a million bells and whistles but a zoom would be nice. And software that runs on an old OLD laptop. (Y'all don't think I'm letting him take THIS laptop, do you??) Anyway, if anyone knows of someone selling a digital camera (with attachments, like the damn cords!) for a decent price, please let me know. I don't want to spend too much since it will most likely be abused.

I talked to my son again the other night. Wonderful phone call until he drove into "no cell signal" land. Everyone needs to keep their fingers crossed that his request to get stationed up here goes through, ok? Because I would like that. A. Lot.

The wildchild is doing great. I hardly see her during the day since she spends all her time at the lake. I'll be glad when school starts. And that I'll be home once school starts.

I still need a job. Still waiting to hear about a certain website gig (hint! hint!) from a friend. I'm still playing out in the garden and have now instructed John to go pee out by the rose bushes each night. Oh stop laughing, the fuckers have now eaten all the damn leaves! At least they left a few buds this time. I'm just trying to get one last hurrah out of them before I have to prune them back. I am also trying to plan my garden for next year. Let's just say that John has a lot to do before he deploys. I have some big plans!

Life is just....well, life right now. The world is turning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing. Just life.

bored

So I'm still looking for a job. The listings in yesterday's paper? Mainly temp agencies and the like. Which I am trying to avoid. Those places tend to suck out your soul in addition to paying you shitty wages.

I'm still having a ball printing out pictures. I just can't get over the quality! I printed up one of the rose pictures and it is awesome! I have one of those little picture frames for like six pictures...I'm thinking of printing out a bunch of flower pictures and putting them all in there. Sort of like a theme.

I just finished doing all the laundry in the house. The rest of the house is all clean. I'm bored out of my mind.

I really need to turn off the date function for the pictures. They are great for stuff I'm only sharing online...looks like crap when I print things.

new stuff makes me happy

I think John was tired of listening to me complain about how badly my printer prints photographs. Even using the special photo paper and all they look like shit. They look bad enough that a friend of mine from work (hi buddy!) printed me a beautiful full-size picture of Chris. I forgot to buy a frame for it today, but it is hanging above my desk in a sheet protector until I get one.

He took me shopping today and got me a swanky new Epson. I had looked online and found them for about $149 at the PX website. Imagine my happiness and surprise to find it for $75 in person here on base! There was one left and it quickly became mine all mine! John also made sure to get me some photo paper and some little 4X6 photo sheets so I can print photos to my heart's content.

We wandered into the rest of the computer area, mainly to find a printer cable as well as a little cable so that I could hook up some external speakers to my laptop. We found a USB cable for the printer as well as the speaker cable. Then....THEN we found the coolest little light in the world! The base looks like a little mouse and it has a light bar that comes off of a bendy arm. It shines just down on my laptop which makes it utterly perfect for me since I am usually only here during the night when John is sleeping. To the rest of the room it isn't much more light than the bit coming from the laptop screen. I am completely in love with this light!

Here are two pictures of my new things. I even turned off the flash so you can see where the light shines.

nothing major

I posted a few more pictures yesterday. Just some more pictures of the house. I swear the dining room picture looks completely different now. We cleaned up a bunch of the mess and moved a few tables around. I'd take another picture but the wildchild is out napping on the couch right now.

Had a pretty good night at work last night. There is a teaching interview for my replacement today so we'll find out how that went when I get in there tonight. They did ask if I could for sure cover the first few weeks of the next class and of course I agreed. That'll put me through the end of the month so I'll have a whole paycheck. I was quite clear though...I will not teach the entire six weeks.

Still no word from Comcast about the cablemodem. The stupid postcard said "on or shortly after August 12th" which came and went with no new channels. As soon as they show up I can call for an install date...hopefully. I'm dyin' for broadband here!!

Other than that, nothing major going on here. Just waiting around for the end of the month. Waiting around for the middle of October which seems to be speeding it's way here with alarming speed.

Dear Michelle...you suck

I basically got that times three today.

Three rejection letters.

THREE!

Really people, is asking for a day job too much? I'm not asking to make a gajillion dollars. I'm not even asking for bennies. I just want to work weekdays during the day. A bit above minimum wage would be nice at this point.

Do I really suck?

It is the little things

For about the last week, John and I have been driving each other's car. I don't really remember why but I'm sure it had something to do with the phantom window on the Jetta that seems to only work when it feels like it. Now that I'm broke again, it should stop working. Anyway, we drove my Jetta to Costco yesterday. I drove while John played with the camera. Note to self: lose more weight, you still look like crap in a profile shot! Anyway again, we went to Costco and were fairly reserved. We didn't do every aisle and stuck pretty close to the list. We booked on out to the car and I was driving home. John started pulling papers out of