September 26, 2004

09.26.2004 Smells

I realized what was missing this morning. Not just John...I know he's gone. His smell. I can't smell him here any longer.

I need to do laundry today since I was basically a slob yesterday. I showered and put on new PJs rather than getting properly dressed. As I laid in bed last night I grabbed the pillow that he'd been sleeping on for the two weeks he was here. It just smelled like John. I rolled over onto my side and just hugged the pillow as I fell asleep.

When he came home, it just smelled different here in the house. His deodorant, his cologne...just his smell. It was comforting and made it seem like all was right in the world.

I need to do laundry today and bring back the smells of his being gone. I can't just sit on the couch, covered up with the blanket he used in the living room all the time, just because it smells like him. I can't just stay in bed all day, curled around a pillow that smells like him.

I'm not eradicating him from our lives...but I am going to rid us of the smells that make us melancholy, smells that make us miss him just a little bit more, smells that remind us that he's just not here now.

Posted by rowEn at 11:04 AM | Comments (3)