August 13, 2004

These are the days...

He left on November 15th. We'll count that as day one...

On day 41 the WildChild and I celebrated Christmas without him. I took a bunch of pictures to share with him, but honestly, my heart wasn't in it. It was a few thousand miles away wondering how he was doing in Samarra.

On day 48 we rang in a new year. The year he was supposed to retire. Again, my heart was thousands of miles away, wondering if he was still in Samarra.

On day 74 I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers from him. They were supposed to be for Valentine's Day but he knew I would see the charge on his account and either know or freak out. They were beautiful and made me cry because I miss him so much.

On the days between 75 and 226 life was pretty routine. I didn't kill our child and she did her best to tempt me. I went to dinner with friends, discovered Porch Night at another friend's house and, in general, just lived my life.

On day 226 I cried for hours. John told me that his leave had been cancelled, no reason given. I was crushed. I told myself that I wouldn't plan on his coming home for leave at all.

On day 239 I found out that our offer on a house had been accepted. Instead of celebrating with my husband I was sitting alone in our living room. I went off to Porch Night with a bottle of champagne and drank it out of Tiffany flutes. While quite nice, it didn't make up for the empty feeling of not being able to share with John.

On about day 250 or so, he told me that he got a new leave date. Really...I tried not to be excited about it, but the timing was perfect. He would be able to come home for the closing of the house. We would both see it in person for the first time, together.

On day 271 he asked me if I had gotten the power of attorney. As soon as he asked I knew it was bad news. I have the damn power of attorney but I didn't want to have to use it. He said he couldn't explain. He said he was sorry a million times over. He said he wouldn't be coming home on leave.

I'm not handling it well this time, either.

Posted by rowEn at 10:00 AM | Comments (3)