May 19, 2004

05.19.2004

There are days and weeks when I am just fine. Going about my daily life just as though everything were normal. I get up in the morning, make some coffee, poke around online before hopping in the shower at the last possible minute. I rush around for the next 20 minutes to get out the door on time. I yell at the Child a million times about being ready on time/brushing her teeth/not wearing wrinkled clothes/don't forget to feed the fish. Well not angry yelling, but you understand what I mean. It doesn't sink in the first few times you make the request.

I go about my day as usual. I deal with all the new things that throw my planned day out the window. I find a way to get as much done as possible before it is time to go home. I come home and ponder the choices for dinner and either make it myself or get some help from the Child. We both then sort of do our own thing. She usually has homework yet to be done and I have online haunts to visit.

Those are most days.

Some days I miss him more than anything. I miss him so much that it hurts. At this point I don't even miss the sex anymore...I miss the companionship. I miss rolling over when I hear the alarm going off and knowing that I don't have to get up just yet. I miss him bringing me coffee in the morning. I miss standing in the kitchen doing whatever and having him come up behind me and wrap me in his arms. I miss sitting with him in the evening, talking about our day or just watching TV. I miss talking to him as he would come home after PT in the mornings. I miss him not being here with me as I try and figure out how we're going to buy a house within the next eight months. I miss him not being here just to talk to me about all the homes I find online and the merits of drawbacks of each one. I even miss him using my damn washcloths.

Today I miss my husband terribly. I wish I knew why today. I wish I knew when this was going to hit so that I could try and head it off at the pass somehow. I don't like these feelings hitting me like a tidal wave coming out of nowhere.

I don't want to be put up on some pedestal because I'm a wife with a deployed husband. I don't want anyone to treat me any better just because of what is going on in our lives right now. People all over this world have jobs to do and this just happens to be ours right now. I don't need or want to be treated special. I just want you to understand that if I'm a little quiet or seem a little less "me" than usual...well, this is why.

Posted by rowEn at 07:05 PM | Comments (1)