December 04, 2003

Don't read the newspaper, don't watch the news.

There was a reason that they kept telling us, "Don't watch the news...you will just drive yourself nuts."

This is probably why:

The bad guys track the convoys coming into the country, and appeared to be doing so with the Strykers on Tuesday.

On the leg up from Kuwait to the border, men who were stopped along the roadside with the hood up on their pickup hopped in their vehicles and rode alongside the brigade's convoy for a while - scouts probably counting vehicles, people and weapons, officers said.

He's out there somewhere with them. I haven't gotten an email in a few days, the last one mentioning that he might be able to call before he left. The phone hasn't rung.

This is hard. This hurts.

This makes me just want to sleep for the next year and would somebody mind waking me up a few days before he comes home so I can dust or something?

I read the news and I cry a little bit. Not too much since I don't want to freak out the WildChild. I'm sure I will worry a little less once they get to where they are going and set up camp. It is the drive in the convoy that worries me. Convoys seem to be the things that are attacked the most. Sure, I know that the news doesn't tell us about the 99% that are fine, that we're just hearing about the 1% that had problems. The rational part of my brain KNOWS those things...yet I still worry.

And I cry.

Posted by rowEn at 06:47 PM | Comments (0)

The status of me

I figured that perhaps I should clear up a few things since I sound good and wholly depressed the last few days.

I'm not, I swear. And yes, I do know the warning signs and where to get help and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

There is a part of me that is just plain 'ole pissed off at the world, and here is why:

All the damn tributes of this, that or the other things being dedicated "to the troops." Ya know, instead of talking about how you dedicate this to my husband why not try spending a year in my shoes. Go say goodbye to your spouse for a year. Go spend a year worrying about ambushes and snipers and RPGs.

There are days when all I want to do is curl up and cry because I miss him so much. I feel guilty for that.

People tell me how strong we are. I feel guilty for that.

I appreciate it...the kind words and thoughts. But please understand if there is a little part of me that is insanely jealous of you. Jealous of your going home tonight to see your spouse. Jealous of the time that you get to spend with them. Because I don't.

Posted by rowEn at 03:41 PM | Comments (3)

Happy Birthday J-bird

Today my little brother would have been 31 years old.

There are days where I can almost fool myself that he really is still alive, that maybe I'd imagined the telephone conversation with my Dad.

The memories that I have of him are fun and wonderful and all that we have left. There isn't a December 4th that passes where I don't think about him. It is strange to think that once we were a family of six...now we are four.

He was a great guy and what I miss most is his wicked sense of humor. We always laughed when we were together. He always knew how to make me smile and forget for a little while whatever it was that had me mad or upset.

I miss him.

I miss him

Posted by rowEn at 06:30 AM | Comments (3)