October 22, 2003

Gratitude

Ya know, sometimes it is too easy to forget that there are other people out there in the big, bad world that DO care for us. I don't just mean family. I know my family loves me (and if they don't, I will hunt them down and force them to!) but this is different.

I have a friend that just gave me a most excellent job reference. I worked with her many years ago. I felt pretty bad that I hadn't emailed her even just to say "Hey, I used you as a reference again." even though the offer has been standing since before I left Korea.

And I login to email this evening just before dinner and I see her email. It it tells me all the glowing things that she said about me. It is supportive and nice and sweet and really, all the things that someone wants to hear when they are waiting on pins and needles to find out if they have a dream job or not.

There are other friends that were the reason that I even got an interview for this job. People heard about a job opening and thought about me and how I would be right for the job. How do you top that, especially when I need a job so badly right now?

I feel like a horrible, selfish person because I don't email people like I should. I don't correspond much unless it is for business. I'm more than happy to chat with you in IM or on IRC. I love reading emails and yet I'm horrible about writing them. And then I remembered that I write here. And that most people that I correspond with (all six of my readers, all of which are family!) tend to check in here fairly regularly and that they KNOW what is going on with me. I write about it all the time and putting it all in email would be pretty darn redundant now wouldn't it?

My friend made the prefect point though in her second email. (Yes people, I did respond to her first! How could I not??!) She said that she reads all the time. She knows what I'm up to, how we're doing, what the WildChild is doing and how we're dealing with the impending departure of John. She knows about the halloween stuff, the job stuff, the food stuff...all the stuff. Me? I don't know because I'm horrible at correspondence so people tend to stop emailing me.

I got into an argument with my older sister months ago about this very subject. Her feelings were hurt because I don't answer email. She had a very valid point and eventually we both apologized. Do we email much? No, not really. She's busy with her kids and I'm still horrible as ever about sending emails, even to family. I think she reads, yet I don't know much about what is going on with her unless she sends me an email. I'm beginning to think that everyone should just start their own damn journal so that I can read and comment and be more "in the know" than I am now. It doesn't mean that I love my sister any less than when she was my absolute saving grace the weekend I met my son. Heck, I probably love her more just for being there for me.

I don't know how to get over some of these feelings. I don't feel like this is a one-sided relationship, even though it mostly is I suppose. I write, you read, you email, I read.

Is that enough? Can I find a way to reconcile that in my head? I don't know.

Posted by rowEn at 06:09 PM | Comments (6)