October 17, 2003

Pretty soon

There are times when it just hits me. Hits me hard.

Last night I crawled quietly into bed at around 1130pm. I made sure the TV was turned down so that I could just barely hear. The peole in the West Wing were chattering on about a big block of cheese and I was trying to fall asleep.

As I lay there somewhere between listening to the TV and sleep, I realized that John was snoring. Normally when that happens I will just gently wake him enough so that he rolls over onto his side. He can get pretty loud when he snores, especially when he is tired. Unfortunately for me, his preferred position when sleeping is on his back. That makes the snoring so much worse.

I laid there, on my side, just sort of looking at him. Pretty soon I won't have him there, snoring loud enough to keep me awake. Pretty soon I won't have to wake him to have him roll onto his side. Pretty soon it won't matter how loud the TV is when I fall asleep. Pretty soon all my grumbling about how loud he snores and the fact that his damn socks are on the floor and the glasses left next to the computer and the mess on the floor when he walks in wearing his boots and the constant, rotating mess of Army crap in the living room and the wet towels on the bathroom floor and let's not forget the horrible smell when he takes off those wet boots...it won't matter. That stuff will be taken care of for a year. That stuff will probably be what I miss the most.

I laid in bed for hours, just listening to him snore. I laid in bed and felt like I had just had all the air sucked out of me. I laid in bed, hoping that I could remember the sounds and the smells and the closeness. I laid in bed and remembered that it isn't months left now. It is weeks. Fairly soon it will be days.

I laid in bed and just listened.

Posted by rowEn at 11:16 AM | Comments (1)