August 29, 2003

the war at home

I know what you are thinking...you think I'm going to talk about John deploying and all the depressing stuff that goes along with it. You would be wrong.

You see, there is a war being waged in my bathroom. In the shower to be exact.

About the only time I am a girly-girl is in the shower. That is where I take care of the shaving and washing and conditioning and general shower-type things. It is also where I wash my face. I have all kinds of shower poofs and fancy, orgasm-inducing, sweet-smelling soaps and body washes. On my hanging shower shelf thingy is also my washcloth for washing my face.

Now, I am quite particular about what I use on my face. Not only must it be good for my skin, it should be easy to use. I'm not a good candidate for any multi-step process for keeping my skin clean and glowing. One step is good....two is usually pushing it for me. I am also VERY loyal to my face washing soap. It used to be this blueberry and lavender soap until they changed it and took out the lavender and added the word 'champagne' to the label. I did give it a try but it just wasn't the same. In an effort to find something that would make my face feel clean yet not tight, I found the Clear Pore Cleanser stuff with tea tree oil. Love it. Love it so much I usually have an extra bottle on reserve just to make sure the marketing schmucks don't change it on me.

So washing your face with a shower poof is a big no-no, as is trying to wash your face with the loofah gloves that I have (shut up!). No, I use a regular old washcloth. Being that tea tree oil has some magical qualities that keep bacteria from growing (the bottle tells me so), I can use the same washcloth for a few days. This works out nicely and means one less thing I have to wash in the never-ending battle of laundry. I am very careful about rinsing my washcloth well and wringing it out so much that it is almost dry. Me and my washcloth, we just have an understanding, ya know?

I have tried countless times to explain the whole shower thing to John. I explain that he should be using a shower poof to wash his body. How good it would be for his skin. What soaps he should be using (and, which to not use unless he wants to go to work smelling like a french whorehouse) and, in general, being a pain in the ass about his showering skills.

Where is the war? He is using MY washcloth to wash his body. I know...I'm glad I haven't had lunch yet, either. I had been suspecting this for quite some time. I even tried to set up some kind of system to where HIS washcloth would never mingle with mine. In other words, yours is hanging on the right, mine is hanging on the left and never the two shall meet. It didn't work. It is like he is just drawn to my washcloth.

I finally phrased my question to him like this: "Umm, Honey? What makes you think I want to wash my face with a washcloth that has been on your ass?" He literally had to pick himself up off the floor he was laughing so hard. He just doesn't get it.

On my quest for the eternally clean washcloth that hasn't touched anyone's ass...ever, I am constantly buying multiple packs of washcloths. I've tried to color-coordinate them so that he doesn't use the blue ones. I find them piled in the shower, like he used five to wash his ass, just to spite me. I bought some white ones which turned out to be a mistake, since those will be the ones he picks when coming out of the field, taking to the field or washing off after working on the car. I even bought one pink one to try and distinguish it from the rest. It was suddenly used one day to apply polish to his boots.

I am giving up and admitting defeat here. I will always take a new washcloth into the shower with me since he doesn't seem capable of doing so himself. I will sadly wash multiple washcloths each day. I will also wash the washcloths with vinegar just to make sure no boy germs inadvertantly end up on my face.

Now if I could just teach him how to hang up the washcloths when he is done with them....

Posted by rowEn at 01:23 PM | Comments (2)