June 10, 2003

so...

So John has turned in his paperwork to retire. Sure, there is always the chance that they can kick it back and say something along the lines of "no way motherfucker, your ass is ours for a few more years!" but really, that is doubtful. He wants to retire at the end of June in 2004. If the paperwork is approved, he won't deploy if the brigade gets orders again. You can't know how happy that makes me. Well, that and the fact that it gives me the freedom to go work and do for the next year, knowing that he'll be home every night.

There is a part of me that is a little sad about it. It has certainly been one hell of a ride, these past 17 years. Fuck...we've been together for SEVENTEEN years! When did it get to be that many years? I'm not old enough to be married that long! Anyway...retirement, sad...gotcha. So I am a little sad about it. When we were living in places that we didn't like, there was always the knowledge that we could leave in a few years. I can do anything for a few years. Look at how many times I lived in El Paso! I lived through it, and amazingly, got some kickass job experience the last time around. In the beginning I worked really hard at making friends and trying to make things as much like "home" as possible. It hit me finally that "home" is wherever we happen to be. Well, that and most other military wives don't like me. I don't participate in most of the family stuff, mainly because I'm working nights now and can't, but probably wouldn't anyway. There is a huge double life that some of these women lead. It disgusts me to no end. They are just sitting around, biding their time until they hit at least ten years of marriage during active duty. Then they know that they can keep some of their husband's retirement check should they ever divorce. They have lovers on the side and think nothing of it. They have all kinds of drinking or drug problems. Really, what is your face supposed to look like when someone is telling you all of this? I'm listening to details of people's sex lives and I know more about their husband's anatomy than I should EVER know...and all I can think is "I hope the look on my face is appropriate because I have NO idea how the fuck I'm supposed to respond to this!" It is no great surprise that John and I don't socialize much with these people. Perhaps it is just worse here on base?

The other part of it is scary. Out on our own, so to speak. There has always been that military net beneath us. No matter what, every few weeks you'll get paid and you always have a place to live. We've managed to survive for this long and I know we'll be all right when he retires. Now it is time to start flexing those muscles for spreading our wings. I know we can fly, it is just a matter of how high I suppose. The sky is the limit, right?

Posted by rowEn at 10:02 AM | Comments (3)