March 09, 2003

I is for Identity

Identity - The set of behavioral or personal characteristics by which an individual is recognizable as a member of a group. The quality or condition of being the same as something else. The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity; individuality.

Who am I? What is my identity? What makes me who I am?

In the past three days I have gotten some wonderful email from people. People who found this journal through MSNBC. I've heard from husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends, mothers and fathers. Some even left comments here for everyone else to read. Someone even wants to know why I feel so sorry for myself. That one perplexed me, especially with everything that I've written in the past week about journals and eavesdropping and how I really feel about things.

My identity could be exactly what you see here in this journal. The wife of a man in the Army. The mother of the WildChild. The caretaker of cats. The teacher. The job searcher.

Being any and all of those things doesn't make me feel sorry for myself. Quite the opposite. Being those things makes me feel pretty damn lucky to be who I am. I may complain about those things but it doesn't really mean that I love them any less. I even wrote about how lucky I feel to have my life and everything that goes with it.

My identity could also be much more than you see here. This is just a peek into what I am thinking and feeling right here, right now. I don't write these in advance. I don't plan on what I am going to write. I just open the window and write (or, ya know, type) whatever comes to mind. Writing about sad things doesn't mean I am sad or feeling sorry for myself. It just means that is what I am thinking about at the time.

Being John's wife isn't the easiest job in the world. Sure, here at home it is but, at some point, the rest of the world comes into play. Should I only be putting the happy here in this journal? Leaving out all of the other stuff? Should I be ostrich-ing and pollyana-ing for everyone else? Dealing with everything that goes along with being a military wife is just part of who I am. Some of the hardest times we have gone through are over and I feel eternally blessed for that. There are still hard times coming up. Things that we know about and things that we don't. There is no promise of staying home once these two deployments are done. Sticking my head in the sand isn't going to make those things go away. Talking about them and dealing with them as best I can...those are the things I should be doing. Those are the things I AM doing.

This has been an Alpha Bytes entry.

PS - The 15th. We got a date yesterday.

Posted by rowEn at 11:10 AM | Comments (1)