March 03, 2003

C is for Closure

Closure - 1. The act of shutting; a closing; as, the closure of a chink. 2. That which closes or shuts; that by which separate parts are fastened or closed. 3. That which incloses or confines; an inclosure. 4. A conclusion; an end.

I think I need to just put this to bed. I can't stand the waiting and wondering and I think it is just high time I start telling myself that, for whatever reason, they are just never going to contact me...

This is the letter that I wrote in January. Obviously I have taken out the names and addresses.

Friday, January 10, 2003

Dear X and Y:

Iíve always wondered what I would do or say if I was ever given any information concerning the adoption. First and foremost I suppose I should make sure that I do have the correct information.

I believe that you are the adoptive parents of the baby boy that I gave birth to on :a specific date:. He was born at University Hospital and the attending doctorís last name was :deleted:. The adoption was handled privately through an attorney named :deleted:.

If you are indeed the parents, let me first thank you for the treatment that I received while in the hospital. It is my understanding that you requested I be put in a private room instead of on a surgical ward. Not having to face a million questions helped immensely and I will be forever grateful for whatever circumstances that let it occur.

Iím not quite sure what else I should be putting in a letter such as this. Perhaps explaining how I came upon your information would help? I had registered on a few adoption websites with some general information after :boy's: 18th birthday. I was not actively searching but more just putting my information out there in case he was searching for me. I got a rather cryptic email from a woman asking for my mailing address, telling me that she thought she had information that might help me. When I got the letter it was the birth index with both my information and the amended information after the adoption. I believe that a mediator called you not long after that giving you my information. Since I was living in South Korea at the time, it was very difficult to keep up constant communications with people.

When I didnít hear anything from you I decided to write a letter. Obviously I never mailed it but I did keep it. My family moved back from Korea this past summer and while going through some boxes I came upon the letter. I didnít open it for a few months; instead it just sat on my desk. This morning I opened it and realized that I couldnít send it since all of the contact information is wrong.

Please know that this is quite awkward for me. Iíve had this information for over two years now and except for the phone call (which I fear went horribly wrong) Iíve been wondering what the next step should be. I donít want to contact your son directly mainly because I have no idea if he even knows about the adoption and I donít feel that my popping out of the woodwork with such information would be a good thing. He is your son and you should be the ones to decide or help him decide what to do with my contact information. I donít want to push the issue and force any kind of contact. If I never hear from you again at least I know that, in my heart, I think I did the right thing. That said, here is how I can be reached:
:deleted:
I hope that we can have some kind of dialogue over this but if it is too difficult I understand. I have never regretted making the decision to give him up for adoption and I am glad to have given you the gift of a child. I think I mainly just need to know that he is happy and doing well with his life.

I wish you and your family health and happiness in the new year and I hope to hear from you soon.

Most Sincerely,
:me:

The end. That's all there is...there isn't anymore.

This has been an Alpha Bytes entry.

Posted by rowEn at 11:30 PM | Comments (1)