March 01, 2003

A is for Alibi

Alibi - An explanation offered to avoid blame or justify action; an excuse.

Actually, I have an alibi on why this is so late today. I was out shopping and trying to decide what we were going to buy with the tax refund check. An added bonus is that John got paid yesterday and I get paid on Monday. I was acutally quite restrained while at the store. We only got some lovely smelling bath stuffs for me (Spa Therapy? I think), BCBG perfume set (again, for me), two CDs (John Mayer and James Taylor's greatest hits...probably mostly for me), a rectangular ceramic plant pot that will fit perfectly in my windowsill (not for me, for the herbs), a cutesy little wallet thingy that fits in my cowgirl purse (OK, very much for me since there are sequins and everything, as well as a hula girl!), a set of cordless phones (two handsets.....I say for me but that is just so that I can finally stop listening to John bitch about not having a cordless phone), and finally, some more floormate floor cleaner stuff so that I can do all the floors tomorrow. But enough about that....

Alibi....I saw that word and for some reason just figured it was the right word for today. I tend to think of the words alibi and excuse as almost interchangeable. An alibi as to why I haven't lost enough weight? An alibi as to why I haven't gone back to school yet? An alibi as to why my house could (and probably should) be much cleaner?

There are days when I feel like I'm just living one big fat juicy alibi. It is all a lie. A sham. A facade. A synthetic life.

When will it all come crashing down around me? I know I bitch and moan a lot but really, my life is pretty damn nice compared to some people. We can pay our bills. I live with a family that I love more than my own life (though they drive me insane some days). I have a roof over my head and some pretty nice things under this roof.

How did I get here? How did I get lucky enough to have everything that I have? Am I selfish for wanting more? A better job. A better car. Better "stuff". Do I need an alibi to justify everything that I do have?

I was watching the movie As Good As it Gets the other day. While Jack Nicholson might squick me out most days, I love the movie. I really think that I am as lucky as Helen Hunt's character. I have a man that I have shared over half my life with now. He "gets" me and, as a rule, puts up with all my quirks and terrible habits. He has become, out of necessity, a much better housewife than I could ever hope to become. For goodness sake, the man taught me how to use our sewing machine! Anyway, I got to thinking about what I did to deserve all this. What is my alibi?

What is the big karmic excuse I have to deserve all this?

This has been an Alpha Bytes entry!

Posted by rowEn at 08:09 PM | Comments (0)