January 08, 2003

Work and motherhood guilt

So the eating LowCarb thing is going quite well. The best part is needing less sleep already. In addition to getting up numerous times in the middle of the night for a bathroom run I end up waking up VERY early and staying awake all day. Today I am actually being productive and doing stuff around the house. I've done some dishes and I've just started the third load of laundry that needs to be done.

The teacher conference that John went to this morning went quite well. We're up to date on what the WildChild needs to complete to make up for all the homework she "didn't feel like doing" as well as getting weekly progress reports from her teachers. She'll be working her way back out of punishment hell week by week, depending on her grades and her homework.

Of course, all of this makes me feel that much more guilty for agreeing to work full time for the next six weeks at work. I found out last night that no, the possibility of working days isn't going to happen AND that this full-time gig is probably just for one progress period (about six weeks) so it isn't THAT bad. Depending on how the WildChild is doing in school will probably dictate my agreement to another six week (or doing it permanently) or if I'll be beating down doors trying to find a day job so that both John and I are home in the evening to make sure she's doing her homework and studying.

Am I a bad mom because I'm NOT here in the evenings with her? I know I certainly feel bad about it and feel guilty that the bulk of the homework responsibilities end up being laid in John's lap each night. I mean, we could have not bought the second car, I could have stayed home and we'd have been flat-fucking-broke all the time. Not only does my job more than pay for the car payment (and gas and insurance) but it gives us some of the extra money for things like nice school clothes and new shoes and the like. The extra money in the next two paychecks will probably afford us the ability to get another computer so that I can set up some tutoring software for the WildChild and have her working on those things as well. It will also, hopefully, let us enroll her in some kind of homework class like at Sylvan or someplace. Well see about that last one....as it is right now she'll end up in summer school if she doesn't bring her overall grades up to an acceptable level. I am giving her some credit...she did go to her teachers on the first day back at school and work out some plans for making up her missing assignments. The teachers even noted that to John this morning, so that is a good thing. At least it is showing us that she is willing to put forth some extra effort and thinking into working her way out of the hole she dug herself into.

I did an impromtu manicure on myself yesterday since my nails were getting too long. I'm not quite happy with the place I've been going to...I hate to say this but I'd really like to find someone to do my nails that speaks english. Well, that and someone that does a better damn job. They don't look too badly...I filed them all down shorter and changed the polish. You can still kinda see that I need a fill but it isn't quite as noticeable as it was before. I'm almost tempted to just let them grow out, keep them short for a bit and see if I can just do them myself. I can find something else to buy for the $30 a month. Or I can find someone else to do them. I like having girly hands, so the latter is the most likely.

So that is pretty much the state of the union right now...I'm still feeling guilty for working at night, John is handling things wonderfully as usual and the WildChild is trying to get herself back on track at school. Hopefully, we can continue this trend through to at least summer!

Posted by rowEn at 12:24 PM | Comments (4)