July 22, 2002

Have I told you how much I love my little sister?

It is Monday morning and I'm torn....do I shower and head off to the temp agency or do I hang out and hope that the place I really REALLY want to work calls and asks me to interview? I've got to find something this week before John has a breakdown about money. I'm probably going to put the cutoff as today for "waiting for the call" and head out tomorrow morning and find something else. I'll look through the want ads from the Sunday paper today and see if there is anything else I can apply for on my own. I sat here last night with the little Blogger window open trying to find the words to describe the weekend with my sister. I also started thinking about doing regular entries on the journal again. This is so easy that I'm tempted to just keep writing here. I'm not sure...but as you can see, I'm still doing the blog almost a month after getting my computer... So...the weekend. I had a wonderful time. I can not think of enough nice things to say about how much fun I had with Monica here. It was great having just the two of us here in the apartment. I found it pretty hilarious that we were both nervous that the other would think we were a freak or something. We instantly "clicked". We ate lots of things we shouldn't have (and thanks for leaving all that ice cream in my freezer Mon...I'm going to have to padlock it and forget the combination or something!) and the whole weekend was nice and relaxed. We really only ventured to the SuperMall and a piercing place to get a new barbell for my tongue (one you can't see....job interviews ya know). She gave me a bunch of backstory on Six Feet Under and got me hooked after one episode. I put in the first few episodes of The Sopranos and she took the first two seasons home on DVD to share with Carlos. We stayed up all night Saturday night just talking and sharing parts of our lives from the past twenty years. I was good and didn't cry about her leaving until I got home. I was just overwhelmed by the feelings from seeing her again, connecting with her in person after so long. I had plenty of time to think about all of this since we lost power here last night and I finally fell asleep out of boredom at about two in the morning. I couldn't have done this weekend ten years ago. I wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle seeing someone from my family. I probably couldn't have handled it even five years ago. I think that having the two years I was in Korea talking to her on the weekends over the computer....that time gave us the chance to slowly get to know each other. To figure out how the other talks and thinks. It means the world to me that she's not judged me for my past actions and how I left the family behind. It is like someone telling you, without using words..."You had these feelings and you had your reasons for them. I respect that because they are your feelings and you have every right to them. I'm just glad we found each other again." I mean really, how much better does it get? There was no fighting, no arguing...things that I remember from our growing up. We have both reached a point in our lives where we can actually BE adult about things and just let it go...the past is the past and bringing it up to throw in someone's face isn't the best mode of operation any longer. I was absolutely kicking myself on the drive home, realizing that she was here and I took NO pictures the entire weekend. Not one! I was too busy just looking at her...seeing someone that is related to me, someone that I grew up with. I was afraid she'd think I was weird or something...just staring at her while she talked. :) She's beautiful and I see so many members of our family in her face. We both kept noticing things about the other that reminded us of our aunts, uncles and grandparents. I can't wait to see her again, to actually get our families together at some point. I already miss her terribly.

Posted by rowEn at 12:13 PM | Comments (0)