July 22, 2001

less cranky

So....yes, I talked to John about the whole "I am being a homesick baby and don't want to live here for another two years" thing. I was honest, and gave him all my reasons for wanting to go home (I'm homesick! I'm homesick!) and he listened. Then he said that he would ask me again in a month, when I'm not sick, how I feel about the whole thing. I must have looked pitiful, because he then asked me "Are you really THAT unhappy here?" to which I replied "yes". We compromised though. He asked if I could hold out another two months, making our departure date June of 2002 instead of April. I agreed, since that would mean that WildChild finishes out the school year.

You can't know how much better this has made me feel ya'll. It is like a huge weight has been lifted off of my brain. No more drowning in the "oh god, 21 more months!" thoughts. No more dreading two more winters here. No more dreading living in this awful fucking apartment for another two years. I would almost sell my child for more cupboard space and a dishwasher at this point! I would give you my cats so that I could have a closet in my own bedroom. I would almost kill to have a yard again, some place to put my plants. Yeah, I fucking hate it here right now.

I wish I could put my finger on exactly why these feelings have come over me. Things are going well. I'm working two jobs, making OK money at one anyway. I think I'm just tired of it all. It isn't new and exciting any longer. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see what is really around me. It's dirty here. You can't leave your windows open or everything is covered in a disgusting dark grime. It's even worse than accidently leaving a window open during a dust storm in El Paso! I'm tired of rude people. Even other Americans are rude. I want to walk into a store and have someone smile at me rather than ignore me. I want to meet someone on the street and say hello, and have them say hello back! I want to have close friends again. I just want to go home.

As much as I love you all, I have to make this short. It is Sunday night, and I'm going to make one last attempt to upload the entries. The delay was due to a hack on my host's computers. Email is slowly coming in, so be patient, I'll eventually answer in my timely manner!

Posted by rowEn at 01:18 PM | Comments (2250)