June 22, 2001

better late than never

Everything I needed to know, I've learned along the way.

Someone sent me a wonderful email about how I shouldn't feel bad about my upcoming birthday. I realized that I sounded like a whiney little bitch when I was complaining about it a few days ago. Let me see if I can explain how I feel about getting older.

I don't FEEL old. I don't LOOK old. I don't ACT old. I certainly don't pass for 35. I don't know if people think that I had WildChild when I was 12 or what, but they don't think that I am as old as I am. The only thing that makes it realistic...I know too much crap. Trivial shit. I'll kick your ass at bar trivia most any night, as long as I am allowed to skip the sports sections. Do they even HAVE bar trivia any more? Those little electronic boxes that you rent in the bar for a few dollars and answer the questions on the TV screens? Anyway, my brain is about the only thing that will pass for 35. Am I proud of that? Yeah, I think so. I'm 35, have my tongue pierced, have two tattoos and I'm a mom. Just like on Sesame Street, which of these things is not like the others? The person that emailed was concerned about my self-image, my self-esteem. I will answer publicly, because I think that everyone might be interested in what I'm thinking.

R, bless you for the email. It made my day and yes, it made me giggle. I don't plan on sitting around on the 27th feeling sorry for myself. Far from it. I plan on having a day when I can break diet and eat ice cream and cake. A day when I can skip out of work early and go play in the sun for a few hours. A day when I can laugh and pretend that I'm 10 again. You wrote something very interesting.

If you can seriously look at yourself in the mirror and think, "I don't love you near as much as I did when you were 25," you're missin' out! You can't change your age, but you can always change your attitude about it.

Well, it might please you to know that I DO love myself more today than I did at 25. Hell, I REALLY love myself more than I did at 19, that's for damn sure. The point is, I "get it". I get the secret as to why I don't look my age or act my age or whatever. I don't usually THINK that I'm old, so therefore, I must not BE old. Old can be as much a state of mind as physical. I know very old teenagers, and I feel sorry for them. I was one of them! Always serious, always thinking ahead and seeing gloom. Things always need to be taken care of. Well, that sucks. Life is too short to spend it wishing for the future and wailing for the past. Yes, we all have made mistakes, but that is part of this great thing called LIFE.

In other news: The English classes seem to be going well. The kids seemed bored, so I've been trying to come up with a way to get them to talk to me. The newest idea is eating out. I made up menus and I'll have them order meals and ask questions. Hopefully, they'll like that.

Posted by rowEn at 12:20 PM | Comments (2307)