May 07, 2001

Can I go home?

So, like, I have to go to this 'formal' dinner. We're talking long dresses, silk wraps, using the right fork, the works. I'm a mess. First off, the selection of clothing for fat girls isn't that great. Sure, I've lost a bunch of weight, but I'm not 16, looking to get fucked on prom night, nor am I a bulemic soccer mom. This is hard, trying to not look like a big fru-fru trollop. I spent two days searching the web, looking for something I could work with. I came up with a fabulous ball gown skirt. Black, long, with chiffon and everything. It's quite fetching. Of course, I couldn't stand the thought of wearing the top they had on the model. Remember girls, just because they sell a beaded tanktop in bigger sizes doesn't mean you should be seen in public in them! So I was stumped. I thought "what can I hide in and still look glamourous....or short of that, at least not look like a fucking twit in a mumu". I thought...twinset. Did you know that all the really cute beaded sparkle-ish twinsets are no longer being sold...seeing as how it's actually4 months past the new year and all. Plan Q....I have this simple black mock turtleneck sweater that has short sleeves. I can pull this off. I trot off base to the Korean tailor and show him 3498735 pictures of simple satin wraps. I pick out two lovely colors...black and a blue that almost matches my eyes (and matches the pretty blue nail polish that I have!). I tell him what dimensions to make the wrap.... 100" x 30". He looks at me like I'm insane. I make him measure...and sure enough, those dimensions are perfect. I'm so happy that I'm going to have a wrap, I didn't notice exactly what he said when he asked for money. I handed him a $20 and got enough information to know that a) the wrap would be ready on Sunday and b) I would need to bring another $30. OK, that's not too bad. For larger/longer wraps, you would expect to pay at least that much online, and this was in "my" colors.

Have I mentioned the skirt? Because I really fell in love with it. I'm sure I would love it more if I could get my fucking hands on it. I ordered it 10 days ago today. Four days after ordering, I emailed off a quick request for order status information. No response. At five days, I email again, using a firmer tone (but falling short of using all the fun words). No response. On day six, I fax off a formal looking memo (god love Word) and lo and behold, there is an email in my box within 5 minutes. Now...I had said, in my nice formal fax, that I needed to have the skirt SHIPPED no later than Friday, May 4th. Nothing hard about understanding that, right? The email says "Your order has been delayed in the address verification process. We cannot have your skirt to you within two days." Well, alrighty then. Is the order cancelled? Is the skirt not in stock? How come nobody else has problems using my nifty CheckCard and verifying my address. I whip off another email....no response. Day seven, I fax again. I hand write the letter, in big bold caps. I print everything in case we're really dealing with stupid people. I write the address and name just as it looks on my bank statement. I check email every 4.9 seconds. Nothing. Friday morning (which is Thursday afternoon in California) I call. I break out the phone card and dial the 83 numbers needed to dial across the ocean. I reach a woman with a very thick accent who won't speak directly into the phone.


Me
Hello...I am calling about my order. I need to know if it has shipped yet.

This is the point where you would expect to have someone ask you something along the lines of "can I have your name or order number please?" But no, I get....

Accent Woman
What did you order?

The hell??

Me
Um, I'm calling from Korea, could you please speak into the phone or a little louder please? Did you ask me what I ordered?

Accent Woman
Oh....Korea? You are calling from Korea? Hold on.

The first thing that shoots through my brain is "please don't put someone on the phone to speak Korean to me!"

I wait, listening to muffled conversations that I can't hear, thinking "my phone card is going to run out and I'll never know about my beautiful skirt!"

Accent Woman
We got your fax, we will ship your skirt.

Me
Um, when will it ship? I really have to have the skirt before next Friday, therefore, it must be mailed either today or Friday (Hey, I'm thinking that if I 'talk California time' I won't confuse her)

Accent Woman
*sounding very vague* We ship today....or tomorrow....by noon on Friday...or today.

Me
So the skirt will be shipped, Priority Mail, by Friday? (Yes, that is stating the obvious, but I need to make sure her and I are on the same wavelength here)

Accent Woman
Yes, skirt ship by tomorrow.

So they claim my skirt is in the mail...or, I think it's in the mail. I emailed again this morning and hopefully will have a reply when I get to work in the morning. I'm not sure it's really mailed....the amount of the skirt hasn't been swiped out of my bank account. Unless they are shipping it to me for free, I just don't see it happening. Now my dilemma is...how long do I wait? If I don't have the skirt, I need to go get one made. If I have to have one made, I'll probably need more than 24 hours notice. If I don't have the skirt by Wednesday afternoon, I'll go get one made.

Now, for something completely different...I've spent a few hours making this entry. Partly because I'm too cheap to buy HomeSite and let it expire...partly because I had to then go look for something else to make it easy to update the page...partly because I got envious of my webcam sitting on my husband's computer and went and stole it back...partly because after stealing said camera, I realized that I didn't have a way to attach it to my monitor so I had to go in search of velcro.....partly because I was blinded during the search by John playing with the camera and taking my picture from about 12 inches away using a flash....and partly because then I had to go download all the software for the camera so that I can take a picture. As I type this, I've had to restart the download about four times so far because it keeps dying. Now I can't seem to reach the site at all. Bummer. I was going to take a picture for everyone.

Posted by rowEn at 12:12 PM | Comments (2358)