February 06, 2001

I have no idea how to find the Korean word for 'cranky'

Now now, get up off that floor. I know, twice in one week. Will the wonders never cease?

I'm cranky. I'm out of sorts. I'm kinda pissed off. I'm exhausted.

See, when I was in 5th grade, I don't remember being a bad kid. Well, ok, I was probably bad, but I got good grades damnit! I always did my homework. I am in the camp of "just get the hard shit done first so the rest of it is cake" so I would hurry up and get it all done so I could play. Why on this earth can't my own child see the sense in that? I have (what is hopefully irrational) this fear that I'm turning into TheWorld'sMeanestMom. Now, the wildchild has always needed that extra little push when doing homework. She'd much rather be outside or watching tv or playing playstation or taking a bath..or anything besides doing homework. This child has offered to do dishes to stop doing homework people!! Needless to say, the grades aren't where they should be this year. We've bribed, grounded, paid, not paid, sat with her while she's working on it...everything. Nothing is working. Well OK, the sitting over her and reminding her every 2 minutes to keep working...that works...sometimes. The problem is this. After school she goes to Youth Services. Nothing structured, just a place that kids can go from after school until 6pm. Kinda like free daycare for kids that can watch themselves. We let her go there because I hate the idea of her being a latchkey kid, home all alone. This morning I pretty much lost it and wrote a note to her teacher saying that wildchild is to take the bus home until further notice. She cried and wailed and moaned about "one more chance" but I held firm. I just don't think that a dozen "one more..." is going to help. So, foot firmly down, I headed off to work.

Why yes, we are reaching the point where I explain the pissed off portion of today's emotions. I spoke with the FatherWhoGaveInToTheWildchild on the phone earlier this afternoon. Oh, was that too big of a clue?? Yes, he changed the note to the teacher. Instead of "...until further notice" it became "today". W.T.F?? Am I wrong to have gotten upset at that? Now, I didn't scream...I think I was too shocked to scream. I finally blurted something out about "we'll discuss this later" and hung up. My mother would be proud, I didn't get into a screaming match on the phone while at work!

So it's now about 8:30pm and he's not home. The kicker? She did her homework on her own today. Here, alone, with nobody home. MY thoughts are...no Youth Services at all this week. Prove to me that the homework will get done there instead of playing. HIS thought was that today was punishment enough. I'm mad because I feel like I was totally set up on this. He listened to me talk to her this morning and listened to me discuss the fact that she was coming home from school ALL week. He didn't discuss it with me. He let me make a decision and then after I left, relented.

I'd like to think that when he makes a discipline decision, that I stick to it. I don't really remember totally going against any of his punishment. All I'm asking for here is that he back ME up this time. I don't want just one of us to be the "bad guy" all the time which is why I said and did what I did this morning. I want WildChild to understand that there are consequences to her actions. That she isn't always going to get out of a punishment or having to do something. I have no idea what is going to happen in the morning. I don't really want to argue about it, but I think that we need to come to some kind of compromise on this. I understand his feeling bad, thinking that she won't have anyone to play with after school...but that is precisely my point! She shouldn't have anyone to play with this week, she's being punished! Even she is smart enough to understand that she can do it on her own. What is one day? Nothing, just a drop in the bucket. Let me do homework today since Mom was really mad and then tomorrow I can go back to playing around instead of doing homework.

All I know is...I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy all the time. I'm tired of thinking that she's going to hate me in a few years. I'm tired of wondering if I'm doing the right thing by taking privileges away and making her earn them back. I'm tired of being the HomeworkCop and BackpackCop. I'm just tired....so I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

Posted by rowEn at 12:04 PM | Comments (1307)