October 24, 2000

Kamgi kolyossum nida. (Kahm-ghee kuhl-lyah-ssume nee-dah) I caught a cold.

Welcome to the land of Kleenex and NyQuil. I highly recommend washing your hands when you leave.

Everyone is sick with a cold. To make things more fun, we can't even get a doctor's appointment. I tried to call for over an hour this morning and couldn't even get through on the phone. John called and there are no more appointments for today, and "no, we can't make appointments for tomorrow." So at 0700 tomorrow we'll again play Dialing for Doctors.

No news yet on the job situation. For those of you keeping track, yes, this is the job that I wrote about on the 15th of September. Nothing like the blazing speed of the government huh? I will call them after 3pm today to see if I'm on the list. Man, I could really use some good news.

I'm tired. Not just from being sick, though I'm sure that is a big part of it this morning. I'm just tired of so many things. Tired of fighting for a job that I'm overqualified for. Tired of feeling useless because I'm not working. I know that nobody is making me feel that way but me. John would never intentionally make me feel bad for not having a job. I'm tired of feeling this way. I need a vacation from this period of unemployment. Even thinking up things to write about here is depressing. Do you want to hear how I did the dishes and a load of laundry and then didn't have a damned thing to do for the rest of the day? No, I didn't think so.

I'm stagnating here. Mentally and physically. I can't even get motivated to put in the TaeBo video. Nothing sounds fun, nothing sounds challenging. I got my new books and devoured them instantly. I'm suffering from Post Reading Letdown. I've gone to the library on base, but their idea of new books and my idea of new books seem to be about 8-12 months off. I don't want to bug John to buy me new books since I'm not working.

Why is it that I place so much of my self-worth into whether or not I have a job? We make enough money for me to not work, but I'm not happy doing that. Sure, the first few weeks were pretty nice. Sleeping in, staying up late reading, no set schedule. Now it's just depressing. I want to work so I can go to school, because we definitely don't have enough for me to do that. I want John to take some more classes. He's so close to his degree and I want him to finish. I try to keep in mind that in a few years, he'll retire from the Army. That is the end of severely discounted college classes. The end of completely free medical care. The end of that safety net that we've created being in the military for so long.

(10 minutes later)

OK, there's much to be said for deely-boppers, ok? You just can't feel THAT bad while wearing them, especially ones that light up. I'm going to keep looking for a job. I'm going to get dressed and put on some cute clothes, even if I don't leave the apartment today. I'm going to finish the laundry and bake some bread. I'm not taking off the deely-boppers.

Michelle says: "Don't forget to wash your hands on the way out!"

Posted by rowEn at 01:19 PM | Comments (2229)