October 11, 2000

You told her what???

OK. You can officially call me a Bad Mother now. I lied to my child. It wasn't a huge Huge lie, but a lie none the less. And she doesn't know yet. I'm hoping that her more cosmopolitan friends at school don't out me to her during lunch. I hope she eats her lunch.

I was bored yesterday. So bored that I decided to stand in front of the fridge and see if anything jumped out at me to make for dinner. Nothing did. I grabbed the container of tofu that was sitting there and wondered what I could make with it. This is what happened...

Hold package of tofu in in hands and stare at it.

Realize that nothing is going to get implanted telepathically in brain, put tofu back in fridge.

Mosey over to computer to look up 'tofu' + 'recipes' on the web.

Get grossed out by what is found.

Wonder WHY tofu was purchased.

Walk back to fridge to fondle tofu again.

Find package of egg roll wraps in back of fridge (not expired, bonus!).

Decide that tofu egg rolls doesn't sound half bad.

Realize that tofu should probably be sliced and diced into small chunks.

Try not to gag when slicing and dicing.

Marinate tofu in soy sauce, sesame oil and red pepper.

Try not to look in bowl while stirring.

Go to get can of "authentic chinese vegetables" out of cupboard.

Curse. Loudly and repeatedly.

Look in freezer for "half-assed authentic chinese vegetables"

Curse more. Call yourself a dumbass for not checking first.

Decide to wing it on the egg roll idea, adding green onions, carrots, spinach, cabbage and canned "authentic chinese bean sprouts".

Decide to lie to husband and daughter and not tell them what is IN the egg rolls until they have taken a bite.

Decide that is a fine idea since egg rolls look like egg rolls, no matter what the ingredients.


So there you have it. My web of deceit out there for all to see. Dinner actually went very well. WildChild was outside playing and didn't want to come in right away, so we ate without her, fixing her plate and keeping it warm. John wasn't too upset with the idea of tofu egg rolls and made me feel better by eating more than one. In exchange, he opened a package he had bought at the Korean grocery and had me try the contents. Now, I realize that what I'm going to say here will not shock many of you, because you are all more worldly and all that. I ate dried seaweed. I liked it. It's a very common Korean lunch here, dried seaweed and cooked rice, at least for kids. The rice doesn't need to be hot and the seaweed is just there, waiting for you to spoon some rice into it and shove it in your mouth. I've never had sushi. I probably wouldn't know sushi if it was sitting on a plate in front of me. Really, like you think there's a huge sushi market in El Paso?? Anyway, I'm in love. The best part? We figured that the package was about 35 cents. I have no idea on the going rate for seaweed in the US, but I'll just assume it's probably higher than that because it makes me feel better. There's a fair amount of it left, too. I need to go shopping more to see what else I can find.

Anyway...WildChild, dinner, lie. She came back up when it was dark, and was happy to see that we were having egg rolls for dinner. She took a bite as I sat there watching her. As soon as she looked at me I blurted out "It's pork" and hoped she didn't catch on. She ate three! She passed on the seaweed, but was a trooper and tried one bite (before making the "I can't believe I just put that in my mouth" face). She asked if she could take some egg rolls for lunch. I packed up some rice and egg rolls for her and even found a tiny container for some soy sauce. I also packed some up for John to take for lunch today but he seems to have forgotten and made a sandwich. I'm hoping she doesn't hate me when she gets home from school. I'm hoping that she didn't take one bite and have one of her friends ask her why her freaky mother made her bring tofu egg rolls for lunch. I'm hoping that if that did happen, she went ahead and ate them anyway, because she's got a soccer game tonight and won't eat a big dinner before she goes. I hope she still thinks I'm cool.

Posted by rowEn at 12:59 PM | Comments (2258)