October 10, 2000

Why you should envy my life in Korea

It is early for me. A whopping 8:00am and I'm sitting here thinking about everything that I have to do today. Don't get all happy, this window will probably sit open for hours before I finish and maybe it'll get uploaded before bed. I'm still feeling guilty for layin' the J-Bird letter on you guys (and yes, that was his nickname, yes, he has a real name, John. Thanks for asking!) so I want to be funny and witty and charming and get a million hits. Uh, laughing in my face isn't nice, OK?

As everyone knows, we are living in a far off land, namely, Korea. We've already covered the joys of taking a shower here, so I'll try not to repeat myself. There are reasons why you should try living here. It's never really boring, that's for damn sure. For instance:

- The power randomly goes out in various rooms. Want to tape that show right now? Go ahead and start recording, because exactly half way through, the power will turn off just long enough to reset the VCR, or the bread machine, or your alarm clock, the computer.

- We don't have a dishwasher, nor do we have the room for a dishwasher. This may not seem like a big deal, but honey, I've not lived without a dishwasher for YEARS! To add insult to injury here, there is no such thing as a disposal in Korea. Instead, you get these little basket-like thingys that go down in the drain, and you have to pick them up and empty them in the trash. Yourself!! *GAG* *ICK*

- You can buy a pack of cigarettes and a large bottle of beer at 5am on a Saturday morning for less than $2 total, and we're talkin American smokes here people. Wait, that's a good thing.

- If you get caught walking to said store at 5am on a Saturday morning, it's considered a Very Bad Thing. Those of us affiliated with the military in any way, to include say, sleeping with the Army dude, are under a curfew. Yeah, you didn't realize that we're all 15 did you?

- Koreans have this intense love affair with their car horns. Now, I don't want to delve into the issues of car porn here, but it's unnatural. We live 11 floors up and it sounds like the street is right outside my window. *HONK* *BLeEeEeEeP* (those would be the horns they have modified). I've said before that the general rules of the road go like this: My car is bigger, therefore I go first; I act like I don't see you, therefore you are not there so I go first; I honked my horn, therefore I go first; I have cool neon green blinkers and I'm not afraid to use them, therefore I go first; I honked...well, you get the idea.

- You get the dedicated internet connection as serviced by Satan. Example: Satan's latest greatest idea has been to force me to hit 'Refresh' 42 times before a page load properly. Not. Fun. Also, web surfing and other important things should take place well before the late afternoon hours, because after that, you can't even get to hotmail to see if anyone has sent you hate mail. Prime internet hours are between 2-3 AM, no exceptions.

- You can begin to calculate various time zones quickly and in your head. "OK, so it's 4pm here, so that means count back 4 hours...change am for pm...Ohhhhhhh, no wonder nobody's talking to me in irc."

Yes, it's a life to be jealous of, I know. We can't all be me, now can we?

Posted by rowEn at 12:55 PM | Comments (2305)