September 27, 2000

From big head to dork head

When did I start to know such cool people? Really, because I don't remember signing my name in the CoolKids book. I'm sure I've mentioned that I uh, chat a bit (read, that window with mIRC is open 24/7) in IRC. And there are people there that I miss dearly and muchly that live in Seattle. They are geeks like me, so instead of buying phonecards with the grocery money, we chat online. So here is where my friend P totally freaked me out.

[18:58] (P) to start, you should stop listening to John
[18:58] (P) oh, wrong john
[18:58] (P) n/m
[18:58] > hahahahaha
[18:58] > I do not speak of StupidHead in my journal dear :)
[18:59] > John would be my husband :)
[19:00] (P) what's an abeyya?
[19:00] > one of those long dark outfits that muslim women wear that covers everything but their eyes
[19:01] (P) hahahah
[19:01] (P) do they use 911 over there?
[19:01] > actually no, I don't think so
[19:01] > ya know, it's a lot more funny if you don't believe a word of what is exaggerated ;)
[19:02] (P) hahahhaha, don't you hate it when the cats do that? fucking felines. Mother. Fucking. Felines.
[19:03] > they lie
[19:03] > I'm denying anything they say about me
[19:04] (P) hahahah, just finished...that's really good. why don't you start a book?
[19:05] > a what?????
[19:05] (P) that's at least as good as that Linda whatshername
[19:05] (P) what's her name....dammit
[19:05] > ellerbee?
[19:05] (P) yeah
[19:06] > well, uh, because she can get published because people know her name
[19:06] > I'd have to be standing outside the bookstores naked begging people to buy mine.
[19:06] (P) she had to start somewhere
[19:06] > yeah, she started on TV
[19:06] > little bit more visibility there
[19:06] (P) you could get published, I would read a whole book of that shit, and I don't read
[19:06] > of course, if I WERE standing outside a bookstore begging ppl to buy a book, I'd be on the news
[19:07] > Can you picture the newscaster on the tv?
[19:08] > "In today's 'Strange but True' section, we go to Jim at the Barnes & Noble store at Southcenter mall"
[19:08] (P) where we find...
[19:09] > "Thanks Larry, We're standing here talking to Michelle. Michelle, can you tell us why you are standing here naked? Did you not realize that it's January not to mention illegal?"
[19:09] > (cut to big fuzzy spot over everything but my face)
[19:09] > "well Jim, my friend P said it would be a good idea! Thanks a lot P, you can come bail my ass out of jail now!"
[19:09] (P) camera jiggles and falls to ground
[19:09] > I'll make you famous baby :)
[19:10] > cause you know, I'm full of love and all :)
In other news, I think the cats are preparing to turn to a life of crime. There are suspicious paw prints on my computer keyboard and a tuna is now the wallpaper on the screen. There is some directory that is hidden, and I'm sure that is where they turned on the web cam and filmed the whole ass-kicking I received the other day. They are back to the snickering and pointing. I'm not so sure the bribe I gave them the other day was a good idea. I think they now have visions of unlimited KittyTreats and little KittyHookers in their heads. Oh sure, look at them out there, in their own lawn chairs sitting in the sun. You don't THINK they are up to no good, but trust me. I'm going to be waking up some morning with the extortion note written in KittyPuke on the RugOfShame. Who's going to be laughing then, huh? Well, besides all of you and the cats...

This would be where I bid farewell for a few hours. Since I actually have to leave the apartment today, I'm thinking that a shower and putting on street clothes would be a good thing. I might even go get my nails done, and you know dear friends, what that means. Yes, that's right, Michelle will be forced to scan her hand to show you just how cute her nails look. Really, sit down. It won't be for a few hours. Probably not until most of you are in bed. Yes, I know it's disappointing. Awww, don't cry, I'll be back, I promise! Here, take the Kleenex, dry your eyes, blow your, I don't want it back now, you can keep it. Sweet dreams...

09.27.2000 (later, but not much)

Have I mentioned that I'm a stupid dork-head? I was so all about the "getting things done today" that I never really stopped to think about what today is. See, it's the 27th. While that doesn't mean much to you, you can take comfort in knowing that it doesn't mean a whole helluva lot to the management office here at our apartment. Yesterday, I made a point of telling TheHusbandWhoForgetsWhatIJustSaid 472 times to remember to bring me 100,000 won home. I was all prepared to defend the threats to sell me into slavery and pay my dues to the devil for the air conditioning we marginally enjoyed in the month of August. Well, looky there, right there on the bill we can't read, it says 09.28.2000. OOPS! So uhh, I guess that means I can't pay you today, right? Well, I would have said that if the nice lady behind the desk would have understood me. Instead, I turned bright red and slunk out of the office. OK, we pause here to see if Michelle can remember how to use the scanner...(I'm almost done, would have been easier to just hold it up in front of the web cam)

OK, so I just failed to be able to scan the bill. BUT, I did scan THIS. Yeah, you know you wanted to see my grungy-need-a-fill nails. But they are pinkish and sparkle with glitter, so that made it all worth it, right? No? Well fine...

OK, I shall tell you two stories then. The first one is to prove that my daughter is just as dorky and weird as I am. When I was pregnant with her (see? I've already tied this in with her), we were living in Germany. We are driving from Wertheim to Wildflecken (and I probably just spelled them both wrong, don't shoot me) to visit some friends. Since it is about an hour drive, we brought along two large glasses of iced tea, one for each of us. Now, if you've ever been in a 1989 Mazda MX-6, you know that they hadn't yet figured out that cup holders are mandatory in a car. John has taken up the only place to keep a cup, which is to say, he wedged his in between the seat and the emergency brake. I allow this, but only because he's driving. So we're driving de da de da. What happens next can only be explained by the fact that I will now, and forever, claim that evil car faeries inhabited that car. I literally THREW my full glass of iced tea on John. Yes, all over his face, all over the driver's window, all over poor John. We hit no bumps in the road. He hadn't swerved to avoid hitting anything. It's like the evil car faeries just grabbed my hand and jerked it at John. (Why yes, I AM sitting here laughing about it, even now!) I laughed so hard that I started to cry. I couldn't help him because I was busy laughing. I'm such a good wife! I think that to this day, if HE were to tell the story, he would tell you that I did it on purpose, but what does HE know anyway, right?

The next story involves me in absolutely no way other than the fact that I birthed that child and I'm damned proud of her! I also find it hilarious because it wasn't ME in the car with her. When the WildChild was about 4, she was Daddy's Girl. Whatever Daddy did, WildChild tried to do. This scene takes place in the same abused Mazda. John has rescued the beleaguered day care workers by picking up our child. It is about a 10 minute drive home. The sunroof is open because it's a rare and sunny day in Washington state. Music is playing and they are discussing her day of painting and singing and collecting bugs. John used to have this annoying habit of spitting. He didn't chew that nasty icky crap called 'chewiing tabaccy', but he just spit. He spits out the sunroof, since well, his face is close to it. WildChild finishes her story about getting dizzy on the tire swing or whatnot and sits quietly for a moment. (wait....wait for it, because you KNOW what's coming right?) She tries to spit out the sunroof like Daddy. Now, I don't know much about physics or whatever cosmic laws are in charge of making sure that item A makes it to point B and such, but I do know that she didn't make it. She didn't make it because her head barely reaches the bottom of the passenger window. She was smart enough to know that she probably shouldn't spit straight up in the air, so she has to get mad props for that. However, what she didn't realize was that she didn't spit HARD enough, so her spit hit Daddy in the cheek. She was horrified and started to cry because she thought she was in trouble. I honestly can't tell you how John made it home, because I would have had to pull off the side of the road and pee my pants or something. I know that I practically did when he told me the story. John no longer spits. WildChild, however, still thinks that spitting is a GoodThing and won't listen when I tell her it's not 'girly' to spit. I think that is why she likes soccer. Mom can't yell at her if she spits out on the field.

I think that's all for today. I've had a good laugh writing those out, probably more than most will get reading it all. Yeah yeah, blah blah, somethingorother about it being MY journal and blah, blah.

Posted by rowEn at 12:10 PM | Comments (2348)